Alcoholic husband on last legs

[1980sfookup]

Please listen. My exh is in hospital. We divorced 12 years ago because I could not put my children through it. Now he is in hospital - has maybe 24-48 hours. Organs shutting down. I can't see him. Feel so angry - he let us down but he's the kids dad. It's awful but no one thinks about what WE went through.

I'm so sorry. My dad died in similar circumstances. I felt very angry, but lots of mixed emotions too. It was like losing him all over again. I hope you have supportive people around you and your DC.

I lost my late dp in exactly the same circumstances, I didn't think it had been so bad for me until I thought about it afterwards & you are right it is horrific look after your dc & get them support afterwards, your local alcohol service should have a bereavement counsellor, normal grief councellors don't get grief for addiction bereavement.

How horrible for you. Sending hugs x

If it's any consolation, I still remember two kids at school who lost their dads this way. Perhaps we were selfish, but all we thought of, as a family, was how awful it was for their wives and children. I feel for you.

They gave my dp 24/48 hours, he lasted a week, I still can't blank out what happened to him at the end, 24 hours earlier they were talking about sending him home for outpatient treatment & the morning after he started bleeding & there was nothing they could do.

Thank you. I am at home. My daughters are at hospital. I have spoken to them on the phone and they are breaking down. I cannot go - my ex mil would not allow it and it would be fraudulent - after all - we are divorced - but what a waste of life! A man of 54 dying because of fucking alcohol. He takes not only his mom but his children and his ex wife.

On a day when we berate Qatar for banning alcohol! It's such a two edge sword. A simple joy of life to be partaken but a wrecker of lives.

How old are your dd's? If they are quite young I would try & persuade them to come home if you can, the chances are what will happen is horrific to watch. From what you have said has his liver failed? The rest of his organs failing is what normally follows, the only thing they can do is sedate him but they won't do that unless there is absolutely no chance of recovery because the drugs go through the liver.

I'm so sorry OP. I've seen too many people die this way, I know all too well how brutal it is.

You WILL get through it. If you need support, the British Liver Trust have an excellent nurse-led helpline - they have so much experience with helping families affected by alcohol-related disease.

I wish you all the best x

So sorry OP🙏 this is coming down the tracks for me too, I am poised ready to try & support my children through it🙁

I'm so sorry to hear this @1980sfookup I lost my cousin this year at only 52. I think he was in hospital for about a week before he passed.

I'm so sorry OP. In these circumstances I think would go to the hospital, not to visit him but to be close to my children. You can keep your distance, stay in the car or cafe but just be there for your children.

My girls are 31 and 28! They are so grown up but at this point are children. I want to bring them home but respect they need to be with their dad. Thank you for listening. We are divorced so long yet at this point I feel we are still joined. Crazy.

I'm with you on this, and frankly when the time comes I intend to be there and see that creature off

I have asked my eldest if she thinks I should visit. It's a no. She says stay away so I have to respect that.

Huge hugs from me, my friend went through this with his late DP took her weeks to die in the end after being 24 hours.

My sympathy is for him (no DC) because she was utterly selfish and he is left with harrowing memories after giving up his life for 5 years as she didn't like to be on her and he was too scared to leave in case she topped her self.

She left a total shitshow behind for him to sort out only he can't as he's not legal next of kin.

Your poor kids

I agree, I hope mine wont say that though, they leave such a trail of destruction in thier wake

I’m so sorry, @1980sfookup. I dreaded this, but my dad ended up dying from another cause.

This short piece is about grieving an alcoholic more generally, and may be worth reading:

Grieving and alcoholism

Im sorry to read this. It’s difficult to know what to do for the best in this situation. All you can do is be there for your children from afar.

what was his background leading to this, if you dont mind me asking? As in how much was he drinking? My DH i would say is a functioning alcoholic. Completely in denial and drinking around 80 units a week, daily evening drinking. Still holding down a job. Im just wondering what the progression was? Its terrifying to think this could be what happens to my DH and my kids being in the same position 😥

Background is exH started drinking at age 18 - we both did - pubs/clubs etc. Married with kids later on. However my life changed and due to not much in the way of babysitters I stayed in but he continued his social life. Pub after work, Saturday and Sunday daytime and drinking at home in the evening. Eventually drinking in the morning. Kids got to 11 and 8 and I left - we never saw him sober. He remarried and continued to drink. Second wife left and he continued to be drink. But you know in all those years if anyone tried to tell him to reconsider his lifestyle the response was the same: he was fine! It's just a few drinks after work and we should all mind out own business.

And units? Don't know but about 20 cans daily and a period of a few months on vodka.

I’m so deeply sorry, OP. I lost my brother to this, he was only 45. It broke my heart. Sending you 💐.

My late dp was drinking 15 cans of cider & half a bottle of vodka a day, he got told he had cirrhosis in the September, refused to go in hospital for detox treatment & was dead by January age 34,a professional sportsman left 2 children under 6 without a dad, me without my partner & best friend, his parents without their only child. He was utterly selfish & while I still love him I hate him for what he did to us all who had to sit & watch him getting worse & survive the horror of his death.

I'm so sorry to read this. Unless you have been in this situation you really don't think it happens. We throw expressions around like "alky", "piss head", "wino" - just throw away comments that only ever refer to that person. No one ever thinks about the people around who try to pick up the pieces - and can't.

My heart goes out you it really does. Hugs.