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Alcohol support

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Dealing with a partner's binge drinking.

29 replies

FootDown2022 · 28/08/2022 20:04

My husband is a binge drinker and has been for a lot of our marriage. We're currently at a crisis point (again) because he's off work with stress (again) and I asked him not to drink but he's been on two massive benders in the last week. I lost my temper with him and said that enough is enough. He's in a massive strop with me and sleeping on the couch.

The problem is that we've been here lots of times before. I don't like the stress and forgive him and then the drinking sneaks back in. But this time I'm putting my foot down properly. He currently drinks heavily every Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Mostly goes to the pub and I'm scared of him driving so I drop and collect him. But he never wants to leave and I end up sipping non-alcoholic beers I don't want, getting home later than I want and having my sleep disrupted. His drinking is taking over my whole life and I feel like if I don't disengage I'll waste the rest of my life on his crap.

I'm just looking for any words of advice on the disengaging bit. I'm a total control freak and obviously the fact that I'm always looking after him is giving him no motivation to quit. I was thinking about Al Anon meetings but I'm not even sure if he's an alcoholic as he does shift work and doesn't struggle with having no alcohol when working nights.

OP posts:
MarigoldMoonStone · 04/09/2022 07:41

Good for you @FootDown2022 I hope you manage to stay strong enough to put yourself first. It won’t be easy but I’m sure it will be worth it. My partner just left today, he also only drank weekends & still held a job down but it is a problem and made me very miserable x

Malie · 04/09/2022 07:51

FootDown2022 · 29/08/2022 23:37

Thanks, I will get as much support as I can. I just feel different this time. I think I just got old enough during Covid to be at the point where I'm considering the rest of my life and I don't want booze in any more of it.

You do right. A woman cannot put up with this sort of behaviour which ruins everybody’s life. Just stick to it.

FootDown2022 · 04/09/2022 08:53

Thank you. He is still out of the house but messaging and calling a lot, being super nice and making promises he's made before. I know he doesn't believe I'm serious.
I've told more people that we've split, even the people I work with. I'm going to try and organise some counselling for myself this week.
I'm feeling a mixture of calm and determined, sometimes very upset and sometimes physically sick like I'm on a roller-coaster. I'm usually very even tempered, even when there's upheaval, so it's weird for me to be so shaky. It's making me determined to stick with it though, I'm not doing this again.

OP posts:
FootDown2022 · 04/09/2022 09:06

Somebody earlier said that if we're married he owns half the house. The house we live in is my name but he has another more expensive property in his name. If we went for a 50/50 split he'd lose out more than me.
I appreciate that I'm very, very lucky in this regard.

OP posts:
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