Day 1 AGAIN

[Newsorrynewagain]

i am more of a lurker on this board, however decided to start my own thread I’m hoping this will help me stay focused and accountable.

typical 40 year old binge drinker. Only used to be a Friday or a Saturday occasionally both now it’s Thursday to Sunday every week.

currently reading alcohol lied to
me and i really thought it was sinking in but hang in and had a drink last night

[HuckingFelll]

Hi, I've been a lurker and been a poster in the past. I think I definitely have a problem with alcohol, not dependent but binge drinking and it's starting to creep into my every day life. I'm a bit scared to be honest. I'd love to join you. I've finished the wine that was in the house and I don't want to drink for the next two weeks. Do you want to moderate or quit completely? I know I need help or support in some way so we could help each other

[rockbottombird]

I'm on day 1 again, I definitely don't have an off switch and there have to stop. I've spent the day listening to podcasts, signed up the the 30 day Annie grace experiment and I'm going to give this my all. I wish you well and will happily lurk if you don't mind.

[Newsorrynewagain]

@HuckingFelll

Hi, I've been a lurker and been a poster in the past. I think I definitely have a problem with alcohol, not dependent but binge drinking and it's starting to creep into my every day life. I'm a bit scared to be honest. I'd love to join you. I've finished the wine that was in the house and I don't want to drink for the next two weeks. Do you want to moderate or quit completely? I know I need help or support in some way so we could help each other

I want to stop completely. Tried to moderate too many times and it’s just not possible

[Maisa45]

Day 1 again for me. I managed to get to something like day 58 but caved and ruined it :(

[rockbottombird]

Onto day 2..! Didn't get much sleep last night but at least I don't have the horrid fuzzy head this morning.

[Newsorrynewagain]

Same we had thunder pretty bad at 2am and I was lying beating myself up for failing again.

still feel groggy today but need to get kids haircut so will be out and about

[rockbottombird]

I'm expecting thunder here today.. very close and muggy. I'm not feeling great but know that takes time, having done AF stints before I'm well aware it's not an overnight thing. Little steps and one day at a time. Have a great day op.

[Moominsweetie]

Can I join you guys?

@Newsorrynewagain you sound like me - I just cannot cannot moderate . I always end up needing to stop totally .

just came back from an all inc holiday where drank so much - yuk it makes me so anxious and feels so gross and unattractive.

so today I am going to stop it. I always find first couple of days seem so hard. Lots of early baths and reading self help books . Would love a buddy / buddies on here !

[Newsorrynewagain]

@Moominsweetie

Can I join you guys?

@Newsorrynewagain you sound like me - I just cannot cannot moderate . I always end up needing to stop totally .

just came back from an all inc holiday where drank so much - yuk it makes me so anxious and feels so gross and unattractive.

so today I am going to stop it. I always find first couple of days seem so hard. Lots of early baths and reading self help books . Would love a buddy / buddies on here !

All welcome to join, hopefully we can encourage each other. Day 2 done, actually going to bed, still shattered

hope you have all kept busy today

[rockbottombird]

Good morning all, checking in on day 3 🤩 I slept much better last night. Feel relatively Ok this morning and already done my journaling. I spent Sunday evening very ashamed of myself and listened to many alcohol podcasts. It's helped me refocus, journaling was suggested and I'm going to be doing that daily. The 30 day experiment is also something I'm doing. Evening meditation is next up.. something I've never done.

Hope you are all doing OK, have a wonderful Tuesday.

[HuckingFelll]

Hi @rockbottombird I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. How is your eye? I've decided I'm stopping completely. Yesterday I contacted my local alcohol service and also a support group plus I downloaded the app Sober time. I need to change before I ruin my life, lose my job and I have to be a better parent. I'm wasting so much precious time drinking. It's bloody pointless. Last drink was Sunday night. I told my best friend and my husband and they are both supportive. Things feel different this time as I'm actually sick and tired of the vicious circle of drinking.

[rockbottombird]

@HuckingFelll that sounds very positive, similar to how I'm feeling to. My eye is bruised, swollen and I have some cuts but I'm fine. I've been really good about keeping the cold compresses going, Ancia tablets and cream.. hopefully I'll look Much better soon! I've been drinking to mask the real issues in my life and realise that's just not going to help. Sadly my H has enabled this and he drinks every night and has done for as long as I've known him. Difference is he can stop after one bottle and fall asleep, I keep going and have no off switch. I got back from A&E last night and he'd already poured me a large glass of wine - I didn't drink and if I'm honest I think it's a tactical thing for him to do. I need a clear head and focused mind, I won't have that if I drink! Like you I need to be the better parent, it's just about keeping focused and not letting anyone cloud your path. Keep going 🙌

[HuckingFelll]

@rockbottombird that's a bit of a tricky situation as he doesn't think it's an issue but obviously you do and want to change. I'm lucky as mine only drinks on a night out now and again. It's just me who's got myself into this situation. I'm the same and have no off switch and start drinking whatever else is in the house shamefully. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm sure your eye will heal up fine☺️

[rockbottombird]

@HuckingFelll hmm I think he knows it's an issue and has become a way for me to forget all his bad points hence him encouraging more wine drinking. He's come back from Sainsburys with a nice cold bottle of wine and put it on the table in front of me. I've never felt more determined not to drink. The thing is up until the shit hit the fan and he broke the marriage vowels in spectacular fashion I never drank at all. I started to block it out with wine, gradually it's got worse and now I have no off button. He should have at least noticed this 🤷🏼‍♀️ so why enable it! I'm not ready to have that conversation with him but I will soon and make it quite clear his efforts at temptation will absolutely not break me.

[Oioicaptain]

@rockbottombird I hope that you don't mind me telling you a story about my friend's mum. Husband cheated on her with a much younger woman. He was always a bit of a drinker and would pour her mother a drink. He treated her not very well and ended up leaving and running off with the young lady. She continued to drink and became very dependant. Sadly she now has all sorts of health issues and the police have been called on occasion due to her being drunk and causing a scene. The end result is that my friend, her daughter, cut her out of her life when she fell pregnant. Her mother has never seen her grandchildren. Although she doesn't agree with how her father treated her mother, nevertheless he is in contact with her and regularly sees his grandchildren. Now where is the justice in that?!

If your DH does not fully support your decision to stop drinking, do not let him drag you down.
Do what you need to and leave him rather than jeopardize your health and relationships. Don't let him ruin your life any more than he already has done.

For anyone here who has children. I hope that my story below helps you :-
I grew up with two functioning alcoholic parents. Sadly my father died due to drink related health issues in his forties. My sister was recently found collapsed and now also currently has alcohol related end stage liver failure. She was a functioning alcoholic and had hidden it well..we had no idea. It's not pretty and extremely sad. The realities of liver failure are awful. She was found, malnourished with muscle wastage and severe ascites (she had to have 15 l of fluid drained off her abdomen (3 stones worth) and will need to continuously have her stomach drained (accumulation is 1l of fluid a day). She is at risk of varices in her stomach and has to have regular endoscopes down her throat to inspect her stomach (which is a nasty procedure). If she develops any they could rupture and she could bleed to death. Her blood no longer clots properly and her immune system is very poor. Her mental health has deteriorated (alcohol causes the pleasure receptors in the brain to degrade which in turns acts as a depressive). She is in her 40s, can hardly stand/walk and has to have social services in to shower her etc. Her hair is thin and lank, her teeth are poor.

I believe that my sister wouldn't have turned to alcohol had it not been for the trauma and difficulties that we encountered during our upbringing. She developed trust issues and gradually withdrew from everyone. If you do drink heavily and you have children, trust me, they will very much be aware of it. Also, consider the possibility that your own children could end up in the same boat as my sister. I cannot tell you what it is doing to my mother and all of us.

Alcohol is like a paedophile. It befriends you and grooms you, initially gaining your trust and making you feel better. But it is a lying bastard!

I truly commend you all for taking the courage to look at your drinking. It can be done and relapses are common, but just pick yourself up, don't beat yourself up and get back onto your horse. Don't focus on how many days you have been sober and then beat yourself up for breaking your run. Instead see it as how well you have done and how you are continuing to reduce the amount that you drink. Look at the overall pattern. And read up on what alcohol does to you and how it reels you in.

Wishing you all the best with your journeys.

[rockbottombird]

Onto day 5 🙌 how's everyone else getting on?

[Newsorrynewagain]

Still here, still going! Tonight’s when I will struggle so plan is to take dog out a walk and clean my kitchen from top to bottom

[HuckingFelll]

Hi, still going here too. Strangely I would be dreading the weekend and the whole "will I, won't I" argument in my head. I feel quite calm and I'm control at the moment. I was just so tired of feeling crap all the time so no desire to drink. I've been drinking herbal tea, taking vitamins and drinking lots of water. How are you all feeling? Do you have any plans over the weekend? How is your sleeping? I was awake for 2 hours during the night which isn't great.

[rockbottombird]

@Newsorrynewagain

Still here, still going! Tonight’s when I will struggle so plan is to take dog out a walk and clean my kitchen from top to bottom

Hope the kitchen is looking sparkling this evening 🤩

[rockbottombird]

Week done both of you, I've no desire to drink and felt quite liberated in Sainsburys earlier not going down the wine isle. I'm sitting here reading with a cuppa. Slept well last night, up early but I've always woken early. I know it takes time to get back into a routine of good sleep so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

[Moominsweetie]

@Oioicaptain

@rockbottombird I hope that you don't mind me telling you a story about my friend's mum. Husband cheated on her with a much younger woman. He was always a bit of a drinker and would pour her mother a drink. He treated her not very well and ended up leaving and running off with the young lady. She continued to drink and became very dependant. Sadly she now has all sorts of health issues and the police have been called on occasion due to her being drunk and causing a scene. The end result is that my friend, her daughter, cut her out of her life when she fell pregnant. Her mother has never seen her grandchildren. Although she doesn't agree with how her father treated her mother, nevertheless he is in contact with her and regularly sees his grandchildren. Now where is the justice in that?!

If your DH does not fully support your decision to stop drinking, do not let him drag you down.
Do what you need to and leave him rather than jeopardize your health and relationships. Don't let him ruin your life any more than he already has done.

For anyone here who has children. I hope that my story below helps you :-
I grew up with two functioning alcoholic parents. Sadly my father died due to drink related health issues in his forties. My sister was recently found collapsed and now also currently has alcohol related end stage liver failure. She was a functioning alcoholic and had hidden it well..we had no idea. It's not pretty and extremely sad. The realities of liver failure are awful. She was found, malnourished with muscle wastage and severe ascites (she had to have 15 l of fluid drained off her abdomen (3 stones worth) and will need to continuously have her stomach drained (accumulation is 1l of fluid a day). She is at risk of varices in her stomach and has to have regular endoscopes down her throat to inspect her stomach (which is a nasty procedure). If she develops any they could rupture and she could bleed to death. Her blood no longer clots properly and her immune system is very poor. Her mental health has deteriorated (alcohol causes the pleasure receptors in the brain to degrade which in turns acts as a depressive). She is in her 40s, can hardly stand/walk and has to have social services in to shower her etc. Her hair is thin and lank, her teeth are poor.

I believe that my sister wouldn't have turned to alcohol had it not been for the trauma and difficulties that we encountered during our upbringing. She developed trust issues and gradually withdrew from everyone. If you do drink heavily and you have children, trust me, they will very much be aware of it. Also, consider the possibility that your own children could end up in the same boat as my sister. I cannot tell you what it is doing to my mother and all of us.

Alcohol is like a paedophile. It befriends you and grooms you, initially gaining your trust and making you feel better. But it is a lying bastard!

I truly commend you all for taking the courage to look at your drinking. It can be done and relapses are common, but just pick yourself up, don't beat yourself up and get back onto your horse. Don't focus on how many days you have been sober and then beat yourself up for breaking your run. Instead see it as how well you have done and how you are continuing to reduce the amount that you drink. Look at the overall pattern. And read up on what alcohol does to you and how it reels you in.

Wishing you all the best with your journeys.

god so tragic . Thank you for posting this. Your poor sister and poor all of you (

[Moominsweetie]

Hi all - I’m doing good how is everyone ? Day 6 for me and feeling a lot better mentally , much less anxious

have been drinking loads of water and eating nourishing foods . Feel I never want to have a day 6 again and it’s in my power not to !
i was reading about the 3 Ds, Delay, distract , decide - anyone seen this ? V helpful for sudden cravings !

[HuckingFelll]

Hi, I'm also on day 6. Got woken up at 6.30am by little one and usually I'd be dying. I got up, had a coffee, went to the shops, had lunch then the park. I bought a bottle of Nosecco to try. I'm unsure about this as I never drank for the taste just the buzz so it could be a trigger but I'll see how I feel. It's not alcohol so that's still a positive and a booze free weekend. What are you all up to tonight? I'm making a Thai curry so I'm looking forward to that and hopefully another good sleep. Hope you are all ok.

[rockbottombird]

Still going here, day 7 🤩 this time last week I was drinking myself into an oblivion.. then had a terrible fall and hit my rock bottom. So.. here I am to tell the tale a week later (still slightly bruised) but doing great. It could have been massively worse, it scared the heck out of me and I'll never do that again ever! Well done everyone for getting this far 🙌

[Moominsweetie]

@rockbottombird yaaayyyyy well done you! And all on this journey !

woke up feeling great on this rainy Sunday. Had a nutritious meal and bath last night , early night . Usually I spend sat evenings drinking a bottle of wine and then binge eating crap , sometimes ending up being sick . Just want to treat myself with self respect and kindness from now. It doesn’t come easy as I hate myself when I am drinking