Hand hold please

[rockbottombird]

Today I've woken up so ashamed, last night I sat alone crying and drank wine (a bottle and half) on route to bed I tripped over my laptop wire and smashed my head on the side corner (I think) my bed. Needless to say I'm a bit bruised this morning and my eye is massively puffy. I can't go out, I can't be seen and I can never drink again. I have a problem, I can't stop when I start and now I've hit my rock bottom. Please no judgment I'm seriously fragile right now. I just needed to write this down in black and white.

I don't know what advice to give but I am here. And you aren't alone.

First things first do you need medical attention for the bump?

Thank you. I'm contemplating going to the minor injuries unit as it is massively swollen. I'm so embarrassed!

Today is your day one and a clean slate. Be kind to yourself.
get the medical attention if it’s needed then back home with comfort food, fresh bedding if you can and as much water as you can get down.
you can do this

Well you don't need to tell anyone how it happened, just say you tripped over the laptop wire last night and thought it was ok, turns out it's badly swollen and you'd like them to check no real damage.

I think then it's understanding why you were drinking last night. It sounds like you were sad about something and trying to take the edge off with wine. If that is the case, Can you get access to counselling?

Go get the bump checked op - there will no judgement from the staff who see these things all the time. Then come home and clear all booze out of your house (if you have any left). Depending how much and how often you drink it might be dangerous to stop suddenly and completely, so make a gp appointment asap, or speak on the phone to someone about next steps. My friend did a short detox monitored by her local mental health (I think) team and hasn’t had a drink since in 3 years (I was her support while she did the detox, to make sure she was ok). You can do this.

You may have concussion, so it's a good idea to get checked out medically.

I can't think of/offer any 'real' advice other than be kind to yourself, stay well hydrated and eat something. Take care 🌺

If you have audio books Clare Pooly The Sober Diaries has been great for me. A lot of people also use My Naked Mind. There’s a lot of really good quit lit out there and some great support from people on this alcohol support corner of mumsnet

Thanks all, I went out to boots and got paracetamol some cotton pads and doused them in water put them in the fridge and have spent the day listening to sober podcast (sober stories & one for the road) and using the cool pads on my eye. I'll be going to bed early and hopefully wake a little less fragile tomorrow. Been drinking plenty of water but I'm unable to eat.

Oh no poor you x

let this be your rock bottom and the start of a new life x

this time last year I was in despair, I didn’t think I could do 2 days without alcohol.

today I’m 51 weeks sober

you can do it x

@LovinglifeAF it certainly is my rock bottom. Struggled to sleep last night but went to bed AF so today is day 2. Not feeling so sorry for myself but unable to look in the mirror as it's so blooming bad..!! Well done on your AF journey, that's an amazing achievement 🙌

Over a year sober here. You can do this! Drink actually doesn't help anything and there's really absolutely no point to it - for those like us who can't just have one. That's fine by me, I don't want alcohol. Once I realised I couldn't just have that little glow from it, it became pointless. Think about that, concentrate on what you can have! A wonderful life ❤️

@TooGosh thank you for your words and well done on being one year sober. It's such an inspiration to hear of others being successful, it gives me hope.

Admitting you need help and that you’re at rock bottom is incredibly brave and is the first step on the road to recovery ❤️‍🩹

Alcoholism is a disease. I’ve watched a treasured family member battle it for over 20 years. She’s now fully sober thanks to AA but it didn’t happen overnight. You can do this!

@rockbottombird only those who have been through it truly understand the mental addiction side of the disease. You've done brilliantly, stick with it and life is a hundred percent better.

Hi @rockbottombird Just wanted to say I have been you and you can do this! It's an evil substance!

Onto day 3 🙌 went to A&E yesterday as the swelling was quite bad and needed a CT scan. 9 hours later I was told not breaks or fractures so I was free to go home and advised to use ice packs and paracetamol. I arrived at the family home to find my H had poured me a large glass of red wine.. I had no intention of drinking it but was very disappointed in him. Life has taken some terrible twists lately and the enabler isn't going to win this one. Feeling focused despite my current appearance! Happy Tuesday to you all.

Hi @rockbottombird that sounds sore, how are you feeling today? I like your focus and I will borrow some this!

I'm a bit battered but I'm alive and that's the main thing. I refuse to be beaten down any further and I intend to make positive changes to turn things around.

This is so familiar. My family member frequently deals with H telling her she's boring for not drinking, and will encourage her too. Unfortunately these people either just don't 'get' it or are wilfully ignorant/uncaring.

Firstly OP, you are not at rock bottom. Not by a long way. Several weeks ago my sister was found collapsed by her neighbour. She was living in squalor, malnourished with muscle wastage and severe ascites (fluid around her abdomen). She spent three weeks in hospital. She has acute end stage liver failure. She lives alone, having pushed family and everyone else away. She now has to have people in to help her shower etc as she can hardly walk. The odds at this stage are poor and stacked heavily against her. She has mental confusion and it has taken its toll on her mental health. She may well stop drinking but by now it is too late. The chemical changes in the brain will make it difficult at this stage for her to stop.

You sound a long way from her position, thankfully. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's very common to drink too much once in a while. If this is a one off, then it's not a huge issue. But it's definitely worth implementing a rule that you don't drink if you are feeling sad/frustrated etc. If you are concerned about your drinking generally, there are some great books on Amazon. Once you understand how alcohol works, you will most likely want to steer clear of the stuff. It's sadly almost certainly too late for my sister. She will now have to have fluid continuosly drained from her abdomen, will need injections to help her blood clot, will need regularly and highly unpleasant cameras down her throat to check for varices caused by high blood pressure in the stomach. If these burst she could bleed to death. She needs intensive physio. If she's lucky and gets her mental health sorted, gives up alcohol and sticks to a very low salt bland diet, then there is a chance that she could get on a transplant list.

The trouble with alcohol is that it effects people differently and at different ages too. So one person might drink heavily but their age, pattern of drinking (whether they drink more slowly and with food), their sex and if female, their estrogen levels, all make a difference. And sometimes there is no reason why one person will develop end stage liver failure and another won't after a prolonged phase (usually ten or more years of drinking too much). It's a gamble.

You',re right to be concerned about the impact of alcohol, but don't beat yourself up. Be proactive and move on in a more positive way.

@rockbottombird well done!!

at first I just assumed your DH didn't know you'd decided to stop drinking alcohol, but it sounds like he did.

if he did, I think you should consider leaving him, he doesn't have your best interest at heart.

was he why you were so upset the other night?

I know it's a big thing to consider onntopnofbdevidingbenough is enough with alcohol, but it might actually help you!

you've got this!!

@Oioicaptain that's so terribly sad. I just can't imagine what you and your family are going through watching your sister go through all that!! Absolutely heartbreaking. I really hope she manages to get something back of her old self in time.

My rock bottom is certainly not that but could well be if I don't accept alcohol is not my friend.

@rockbottombird

I believe that you will get a handle on this and won't end up like my sister. You are very sensibly and very positively doing something about it now before it becomes a big issue. That is a really important step. Best of luck with it. If my sharing the story about what we are going through helps motivate/encourage others to reduce their drinking, if it is becoming an issue, then perhaps some of the pain will be less pointless. Xx

Checking in on day 4 and delighted to say I was in bed by 9 with a cup of tea. Feeling OK this morning and slept well. My eye is healing well - still bruised but I'm fine. Took the boys out yesterday with sunglasses and a baseball cap on 🤩 worked a treat. I've lots of life admin to tackle so I'm going to be looking at that this morning.. little steps day by day.

Everyone has a different rock bottom