The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life! Alcohol support for those wanting to give up drinking.

[SavBbunny]

Hello all
This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.
Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).
We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling
So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile
Thank you to @fortheloveofgodwhy for hosting the last thread 💜
And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Thank you for your reassurance @Breathmiller it is really good to know I'm not alone.

I naively thought eliminating the alcohol would allow me to tackle all my demons so to speak but its really not worked out that way. The reasons I drank still exist and they are manifesting in a new way (actually I was a sugar fiend alongside being a drinker so at least I'm doing a bit better). I used to drink and overeat and eat too much sugar. Now it's mainly the sugar.

Doesn't help that I have a medical condition that means I've needed steroids in the past and gained a load of weight (didn't help I was off my feet for several months when I first got poorly). I'm caught in that whole self loathing / low self confidence / low self worth trap. I am a good 3st overweight and don't seem to be able to sort it out.

However, I never thought I'd be able to be AF and here I am 7+ months down the line so I know deep down I have what it takes to make significant changes for the good of my health and happiness. Right now the most important thing is my sobriety. I'm not taking any chances with that!!!

@Crunchymum
Three stone is not obsese. I bet you still look lovely.
I was to lunch in May with a group of ladies, one had steroids for cancer, the other for ivf and me for rhemetiod arthritis. We have gone up three dress sizes each in the 18 years we have known each other. None of us find it easy to lose weight now. One likes a drink, the other not and me the af since this year.
We are all mid to late 50s.
I lament my 'Jessica Rabbit' days but I am trying and I know you are Crunch.
We were both 2022 new girls and these things take time.
Mrs Estee Lauder said 'there are no ugly women, just lazy ones'. I agree, new lipstick works wonders as does some decent knickers (I bought some Wiphara).
Chin up.

@Crunchymum I recognise what you’re saying about swapping one addiction for another - been there, done that, got the t-shirt 👚 😂

BUT I also recognise what @Breathmiller is saying, in that in addressing my relationship with alcohol I have also been able to face some of my other difficulties and addictions, and although they’ve not all been magically resolved (yet!) I’m way more aware of them and their causes. And I’m much kinder to myself about it all. No one has ever fixed a difficult relationship with food/drugs/booz/money by berating themselves. I am much kinder to myself and it helps.

However, I never thought I'd be able to be AF and here I am 7+ months down the line so I know deep down I have what it takes to make significant changes for the good of my health and happiness. Right now the most important thing is my sobriety. I'm not taking any chances with that!!!

This exactly crunchymum. The most important thing is not to drink. Once that settles into a more comfortable place THEN you might find there is space to address other things but it comes organically. At the moment you are doing so well. And yes, there is quite a bit, for me, of "if I can stop drinking then I can do anything!" 💪

Thank you as always, you lovely and wise women ❤️

@Crunchymum sounds like you continue to be very self aware

Right now the most important thing is my sobriety. I'm not taking any chances with that!!!
it might not feel like it now but you’ve got this 😊

Name change fail a couple of days ago. Ah, that's better.

Can we talk about sober hair? Suddenly, after years of hair loss issues and hair like a brillo pad, there seems to be lots of it and it's all soft and quite manageable.

Anyone else?

Day 148

@DeedIDo Yes! Who knew?!

@DeedIDo @Onewildandpreciouslife That sounds like a decent benefit! I've always had a lot of hair - think Aslan from Lion, Witch and Wardrobe - but it's tended to be dry and horrible so I'm pleased to hear this.

Good morning friends.
I am feeling very out of sorts and not your usually jolly Sav.
I have been in a difficult place this last week. I have been put under enormous pressure to help someone financially and I can't. I know I would never see that money again and it is earmarked for our move. This person has been my wingman throughout my af journey. My husband is worried about me going back on the drink and I don't want to let people down. I would normally hide in a bottle. I have no counselling support at the moment due to my therapist being on bereavement leave.
I can't sleep. Seems I still need to be liked.

Can anybody hold my hand please. I am an alcoholic and have been about a year sober but my husband has left me and everything is fucked and I've fallen off the wagon this weekend. Now going through a horrible withdrawal - got the shivers and vomiting. Desperate not to start drinking again but it's so hard.

I found it so difficult to type that out.....

@Ilovelurchers
You poor thing. Hand holder here.
You done amazingly well to give up the drink. You are also very brave to post.
We sober sisters discuss all sorts here. The drink has been a sticking plaster for lots of us.
Get a bit of breakfast in you if you can.

Thanks for replying. Would like to eat but not sure I can face it.

Not sure I can face anything really.

Withdrawal is such a bitch.

Oh Sav @WendyWagon I’m so sorry to hear that. The hardest realisation I’ve had over recent years is that I can’t fix everything. I read somewhere that carers always feel guilty because they can never do enough. If you can’t provide the money, you can’t, and if your friend can’t accept that, she’s not a friend. You’ve done brilliantly not to drink. You are a wise woman, so dig deep into those resources. You’ve come through a lot - you can come through this.

@Ilovelurchers Im so sorry you’re struggling with withdrawal. I’ve no experience of that - are you able to get support from your GP? Here to handhold though

Thank you. Think I just have to tough it out.

Morning everyone,

@WendyWagon Sorry to hear that Sav, sounds a tough and emotional situation. As much as this person has helped you, and sounds like a lot, if your money is for other things then that is that, you don't 'owe' anyone money for helping you.

@Ilovelurchers That sounds tough, I'm sorry. Can you try and shower, even if you sit in the shower for a bit, eat some breakfast like @WendyWagon suggests and then perhaps sleep?

@Crayonpenny thank you. My friend is lovely but lives far beyond her means. Her family cut her off from time to time. She plays at working (rich family, rich ex partners) and it is all a fantasy. She has inherited twice in the last five years, blows the lot. Fast cars, holidays etc.
I know she is skint at the moment but she won't do a normal job. I have in my time between my big cheese stuff. When I suggest it she just laughs.
I find the whole thing very difficult.

Just read this on my way to work

“A lot of times when we are holding a boundary—especially one important for our sobriety, mental health, and emotional well-being—it won’t be as simple as not returning a call or declining to explain why we don’t drink or aren’t going to a party. Sometimes we will need to send our kids away to a relative’s while we get our shit together, or decide not to visit our abusive father at Christmas even though he’s on his deathbed, or insert any moral dilemma here where we are confronted with choosing what we need to do to not drink, versus what we need to do to demonstrate we are really good humans.

Guilt is always preferable to the thing that might give you brownie points for being a good person but ruin your mental health. Choose guilt over resentment, because guilt is a natural part of life, a thing we can work with and absolve ourselves of, while resentment is something that we heap on other people who weren’t asking for it anyway.”

— Quit Like a Woman: The Radical Choice to Not Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol by Holly Whitaker

Wendywagon Boundaries! Boundaries! Boundaries! Set yours, sit down and think where your boundaries are with this person and beyond. Set them according to what you can afford to give away (materially and emotionally) then, while being both firm and compassionate, stick to them. She needs them as much as you.
It's another thing I have been working on this last year and it is amazing how it helps you to support and care for others while not depleting yourself (materially or emotionally). You can do this. I've said this on here (and remind myself of it all the time too) "If your practice of compassion does not include yourself then your practice of compassion is incomplete"

ilovelurchers first of all, well done at being a year sober! That is an amazing achievement.

You have two things going on here. The devastating and awful situation of your husband leaving. I am so sorry to hear this, you sound like you are understandably reeling from such a shock. People post on here for support in many aspects of life, do keep talking. Also, it's okay to go to your gp and access support for this. We are here to listen to you.

And then, the fact that you (again, understandably) turned to an old but familiar coping mechanism when dealing with something so difficult. This doesn't mean you will always do this. You can make the decision that it was a blip in your sobriety. Remember, you will feel the physical reaction to the alcohol so go easy on yourself til it's out your system. Lots of nourishing food as you can manage (or rubbish food if it helps too) . Water, water, water, fizzy sugary drinks, cups of tea. Baths or shower. Rest. Sleep. It will pass.

Speak to your gp, tell them that you are suffering and that your sobriety has been affected. They will understand. They have heard it all and worse.

Because you drank this weekend it does not mean you will necessarily continue to drink. I know it feels like a coping mechanism but as we can probably all agree, it doesn't help us cope. Quite the opposite. It makes a difficult situation even more difficult.

Sending you a much needed hug. We are here to listen and offload to.

@Onewildandpreciouslife guilt tis what I am feeling.
I am never good with it but my resentment would be worse.

@Breathmiller wise words as always.

@WendyWagon Goodness that sounds hard work if someone doesn't want to play at real life. You sound like an amazing friend though and she shouldn't attempt to take advantage of that financially.

@Onewildandpreciouslife Thank you for the quote, I'm going to read that thoroughly today as it's so true from my quick read.

@Breathmiller No idea what you do for a living but from when I've read your posts, you have such a talent with how you speak to people from a motivational, yet honest / candid, perspective.

Thanks ladies you are lovely! So glad o found this thread!

My awesome mother came round and bought me some food. I have been struggling to eat but had some juice at least.

She really is amazing. She has coped for 50 years with my dad's outrageous alcoholism and yet doesn't judge me for drinking. I mean obviously she does in a way and would prefer me not to. But she doesn't make me feel like a useless and disgusting person for doing it.

And nor have any of you so thank you. Definitely back on the wagon now. In fact can't fathom why I did it. It makes everything a hundred times worse.....

@WendyWagon It sounds like a tough situation with your friend but you are not beholden to her. She may have been a huge support for you and your sobriety but you have done all the hard work (and her support should not be dependant on you helping her out financially). I hope that this is a blip and not a trigger for you

@Ilovelurchers I hope you get through the next hours and day okay. A year is a fabulous length of time to be AF, hopefully knowing that you can do it helps you to go back to doing it? Sorry for your troubles but do not let your "d"H be the reason for you to unravel, let him to be the reason for you to thrive.