Is my drinking the reason why I am miscarrying?

[fastandspurious]

I have name changed for this post, as this topic is something that I am so worried about, but have not told anyone. As I write this, I also am thinking that I sound ridiculous!

I want to start by saying that as soon as I have found out that I was pregnant, I have stopped drinking. It has been so easy to do; I never missed it once, or even thought about it, so this is not a post about struggling to stop.

My post comes off the back of my second miscarriage this year- it was three weeks ago. I was 10 weeks this time, but the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I had no idea until a scan, whereas with my first one, I had heavy bleeding.

For the past two years I have got into a terrible habit with drinking. Me and my husband regularly share a bottle of wine of an evening, but this is often not enough for me and I will supplement this with strong G&Ts. I will often do this whilst cooking dinner or sorting things in the kitchen, where the booze is kept. I'm not necessarily hiding it, but I'm not sure my husband is aware of how much I am actually drinking. I never get drunk for him to notice, and I don't get hangovers, but I think this is because my tolerance is now so high. I have never measured by I am sure that I am putting away a serious number of units a week.

As mentioned, I have now had two miscarriages, which means that unless I go private, I am in the dark as to whether there is anything wrong, or if it is just bad luck.

What I am really struggling to shake is the idea that my heavy drinking habit has caused the miscarriages. I think I am feeling this way because I am otherwise healthy- I exercise regularly, I'm a healthy weight, I'm early 30s. I do have irregular cycles, but I have fallen pregnant quite quickly both times, so the doctor is reluctant to say I have PCOS.

What I am struggling to deal with is the internal shame that I am currently feeling- this is the thing that is in my control and this habit could have got me into this situation. It's creating this downward spiral where I drink more to block out the feelings of shame.

I am not looking for an excuse to carry on drinking so heavily; I know this is something that I need to address. I guess I am asking if anyone has been a in a similar position to me?

Forget the pregnancy/conceiving/miscarriages for a sec ( although I'm so sorry for your loss). This amount of drinking is unhealthy for so many other reasons. Cut it out/down snd give your body some time to recover. I'd also push your gp to refer you gif tests.

I'm an alcoholic in recovery.

You sound in denial I'm afraid.

You absolutely are hiding your drinking from your husband otherwise you'd just open another bottle of wine rather than sneaking hard spirits (that get you to the level you need to get to much quicker, of course) in the kitchen.

Be honest with yourself.

I stopped during pregnancy but my alcoholism dropped off a cliff when I had DS and I was a car crash until I went into AA.

Just because you stop drinking it doesn't mean the disease goes away - in my case it came back stronger than ever and I wish I could have avoided that.

You said it in an abrupt way, which does not come across well over the internet. Your comment also didn't address any of my concerns in my first post, so aside from whether it was 'kind' or not, it was actually just unhelpful.

I didn't exactly explain myself fully in my first post either- I don't drink every night. Some weeks it will be nothing till the weekend, other times it will be 3 or 4 times a week. I haven't had a drink since Tuesday, but before that, post miscarriage, it was every night.

However, I posted in this topic, rather than conception, because I know that when I have a drink, I can never just be satisfied with one, and can put away far too much. It is clear that I do have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, and there have been so many posters that have given me this 'straight truth' in a really helpful way.

I dont think its definitely the reason, but thats problem drinking and it will neither be helpful in getting your body in the best state to sustain a pregancy and it shows youre likely not in the best place mentally either.
I think if you want the best chance, to not only have a successful pregnancy, but to be able to parent well, then its worth getting this under better control and finding better coping mechanisms

You may very well be right- so many comments about what happens if/when I actually have children have really made me think.

I cannot even let myself believe that I might be able to actually stay pregnant and have a child that to be honest I hadn't even considered what happens when I'm no longer pregnant. I naively thought I would follow in the footsteps of my friends, who cannot fathom the thought of a hangover with a baby and so barely touch alcohol.

I will say though- drinking the hard spirits is pathetically for aesthetic reasons, as I am aware that there are a ton more calories in a bottle of wine. It's binge drinking though, I am very aware of that.

I just realised that my desire for a drink at 4.30 is not because I like the taste, or that I'm thirsty, or that the ice makes it refreshing - there are loads of things I like the taste of, there's lots of chilled drinks I could drink - I don't eat or drink them every day at 4.30 --- the reason I want a drink at 4.30 is because my brain is screaming for more alcohol to treat my addiction to it.
It's addictive. It makes you feel good. But it's the addiction that is the problem.

The pleasure/relaxation is short lived. Keeping this in mind is helping me to resist it.

It could be the reason. There’s not much research on this kind of thing because obviously they can’t give pregnant mums booze and see if they miscarry.

Personally, I was unable to conceive until I went to zero alcohol and zero caffeine. Conceived DD 3 months after quitting.

Do also be aware that quite apart from any risk of foetal alcohol syndrome, drinking alcohol AT ANY stage of pregnancy (especially early pregnancy) greatly increases the chances of the child having ADHD (5x). UK rates of ADHD are now sky high in young children and one of the reasons is that our culture keeps telling mothers a little drink won’t hurt. 😢

I’m sorry for your troubles, I hope you manage to quit, and wish you the best.

Poor you, don’t be hard on yourself but you do need to tackle it. Can you sign up for AA? Several Mum friends have done this and it worked for them. I was never addicted to alcohol so I just made a decision and stopped drinking. I drank heavily socially in my 20s and miscarried lots in my 30s. I believe chronic high alcohol exposure could have impacted my egg quality, as other female relatives (without issues with alcohol) were able to have a family without problems, so anything you can do will help avoid the situation getting any worse.

I dont know about the drink element of this but this sentence stood out for me
What I am struggling to deal with is the internal shame that I am currently feeling
Regardless of anything else, I can say that most women (including myself) feel a deep deep sense of shame when they miscarry. I dont know why that is but I totally understand that. It's a horrid feeling.
I'm sorry for your losses.

No, it’s not the reason. I’m sorry for your losses. Nothing you ate or drank caused your miscarriages. I had 3, and picked apart every last thing I’d done and came to the conclusion I was to blame. Food poisoning with my first. Using the wrong eye drops with my second. Went to a wine tasting before I knew I was pregnant with my 3rd. Tests showed it was actually a blood clotting condition and with treatment I managed a successful pregnancy. And trust me, during the in between times I drank a fuckload, and being sober would have made absolutely no difference to whether I miscarried or not, as I had an underlying condition. The thing is, we don’t really know what causes miscarriage. For something so so widespread, we don’t really know, we just know some things are risk factors and some medical conditions increase the chances of miscarriage. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you for next time, and stop blaming yourself because it’s not your fault. Xx

Did drinking contribute to your miscarriages? Maybe. Probably not.

I don't drink as I hate the taste but I do use food for comfort and eat in secret (chunks of cheese or chocolate while cooking tea for example, never mind what I'm doing while wfh and I can nip to the shop whenever I like) and I think that I also need to address that and find a better way of dealing with my emotions rather than eating them. There's no shame in giving up drinking to help yourself to try to get and stay pregnanthere either.

You're doing it again - claiming you're drinking gin because it's lower calories . If you wanted to keep calories low you would just stop drinking!

You're sneaking gin because it gets you drunk with fewer calories.

It's the first part of the sentence that's important to you.

I'm really sorry for your losses and not in a position to comment on that - but I am definitely worried about your drinking behaviour for you.

It's impossible to know and I am sorry for your MCs. My first MC I asked the doctor was it because of my drinking. I stopped drinking straight away when I had a positive test before my period was even due as we were TTC so at maybe 10 DPO. She said no, that she treats women who drink;/ take drugs/ do not look after themselves at all and go on to have healthy pregnancies. That it was just one of those things. She of course did not recommend I do any of those things while TTC!

I did MC again. Stopped drinking again as soon as I knew. Drank after to comfort myself. Told myself 'when I am pregnant I won't drink so it must all be fine' 'when I am a mum I won't want to drink because I will be so happy to finally be a mum'. I think that hiding the drink or at least drinking it on the sly is an awful slippy slop which I also went down.

I am absolutely not a medical person. I don't think it would hurt to try stopping while TTC. I did this time and have been successful. Related to alcohol or not I do not know!

One of my biggest worries though has been will I be a not necessarily alcoholic mum but heavy drinker mum. Who is groggy and grumpy on Sunday morning instead of saying come on lets all go somewhere. What you said about your friend giving up with kids because it isn't worth it being hung over. I thought/ think the same. But you said you can't seem to stop at one, I'm the same. I think if I don't kick it before kids I will not be the mum who has 2 glasses of wine, I'll be the one who has 2 glasses of wine in front of people and 4 large spirts to get the kick I need/ want. So for me complete abstinence is probably best. I'll also continue lying to myself that it is normal and everyone drinks too much.

If you don't want to quit I would def say no more sneaky drinking. And try to limit consumption to 2 nights max per week. Stay within limits too.

Sorry I'm rambling but your story is very similar to mine.

And please do stop blaming yourself. I believe the consultant I meet it was most likely going to happen anyway and I told her exactly what I drank I did not sugar coat it.

@fastandspurious I'm sorry for your losses. Unfortunately despite what a lot of posters are saying, alcohol use does have a proven link to miscarriage (i work in this field). There have been numerous studies demonstrating this. Im not telling you this as I think you are to blame, i don't. Your alcohol use may have played no part at all, it's impossible to tell. I'm telling you so that you are armed with the information and the incentive to stop drinking. You obviously recognise that this is a problem which is a great first step. I would approach this with your partner. If you are sharing a bottle of wine each night then that is roughly 32 units a week each which is waaaaay higher than the recommended maximum of 14. Alcohol affects sperm quality so it is in his best interests to cut down too. Doing it together gives you the support that you probably need. I would try this for a couple of months and if you aren't able to and are still hiding the additional drinks, it may be time to seek professional help. TTC should give you a huge incentive to stop and if it doesn't, I would reevaluate whether continuing to TTC is in the best interests of you and your potential baby at present.

@Same1977 yes I get that. But the OP is talking about before a positive test, so before 4 weeks ish. Many, many people drink in that stage because they are unaware of their pregnancy. The foetus does not take in what the mother consumes at that stage as the placenta has not kicked in.

If you do a simple Google search you will see that there have been studies that have shown that if significant amount of units are consumed in very early pregnancy it can increase the risk of miscarriage.

A

My instinct is that you didn’t cause your miscarriages and I’m so sorry for them. But I am concerned that you’re actively TTC but still drinking such a great deal purely because it’s an easy thing to drop for most people and I’m sensing it isn’t easy for you. Yes you can stop when pregnant, but why should the stakes need to be so high? Is it not something you can cut out anyway? I say this as someone who was addicted to smoking but could stop when pregnant. It didn’t mean I wasn’t addicted and actually had a very problematic relationship that I wanted to resume after pregnancy. You can’t safely consume that much alcohol when you’re responsible for a newborn.

Firstly op, I’m really sorry for your loss. I’ve had two miscarriages too. One really early on and one missed miscarriage at 9 weeks. I’ve gone on to have a beautiful boy.

I don’t think the drinking will have caused them, especially as you stopped drinking when you found out you were pregnant. Unfortunately, miscarriages are common.

I am medically trained, and I can tell you that your drinking can cause foetal alcohol syndrome and severe facial deformities within the first 3 months of pregnancy. You’re still burying your head in the sand.

I miscarried my first and second pregnancies. For me, after it happened the second time, I just found it much harder to chalk it up to 'bad luck' and I was convinced there must be a reason. In a way, finding a reason was a way of giving me hope that I could do something in the future to stop it happening again. My third pregnancy was successful, I didn't do anything different other than take baby aspirin. I was convinced it made the difference but then I miscarried my fourth pregnancy despite taking it so now I'm not so sure. After my third miscarriage I did have a consultation with a fertility specialist. She said that because I could get pregnant easily and had regular periods, that in her experience, it was likely just 'bad luck' that I'd had my miscarriages and she didn't recommend any testing at that time. I then went on to have another successful pregnancy so I suppose she was likely right.

When you've had a miscarriage (especially if you've had more than one), i think it's normal to look for a reason and normal to blame yourself. It's hard but try not to torture yourself over the 'what ifs' because sadly, it doesn't change what's happened.

Regarding your drinking, it's obviously playing on your mind and causing you to feel negative things. I'm not one of those 'put your life on hold' to try and get pregnant types, but given that you mention that you get pregnant fairly quickly, I think it would be worth stopping for a few months and trying to conceive again so that if the worst happens and you miscarry again, you'll know that alcohol definitely wasn't a factor. And if you conceive and your pregnancy is successful, don't immediately assume it's because you had a break from alcohol. As my own experience proves, there are women who have multiple unexplained miscarriages, followed by successful pregnancies.

On a side note. I know how heartbreaking it is and I did dull some of the pain of my miscarriages with alcohol for a time. It's not ideal but it got me through a rough few weeks. If you're in that same place, it can sometimes be a sign that you need to give yourself a bit of time to heal before trying again. I know it can feel like you want to try again straight away, but there is a lot of benefit to being kind to yourself and taking some time to regroup and get to a place where you can make some positive lifestyle changes. Best of luck for the future.