Is my drinking the reason why I am miscarrying?

[fastandspurious]

I have name changed for this post, as this topic is something that I am so worried about, but have not told anyone. As I write this, I also am thinking that I sound ridiculous!

I want to start by saying that as soon as I have found out that I was pregnant, I have stopped drinking. It has been so easy to do; I never missed it once, or even thought about it, so this is not a post about struggling to stop.

My post comes off the back of my second miscarriage this year- it was three weeks ago. I was 10 weeks this time, but the baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks. I had no idea until a scan, whereas with my first one, I had heavy bleeding.

For the past two years I have got into a terrible habit with drinking. Me and my husband regularly share a bottle of wine of an evening, but this is often not enough for me and I will supplement this with strong G&Ts. I will often do this whilst cooking dinner or sorting things in the kitchen, where the booze is kept. I'm not necessarily hiding it, but I'm not sure my husband is aware of how much I am actually drinking. I never get drunk for him to notice, and I don't get hangovers, but I think this is because my tolerance is now so high. I have never measured by I am sure that I am putting away a serious number of units a week.

As mentioned, I have now had two miscarriages, which means that unless I go private, I am in the dark as to whether there is anything wrong, or if it is just bad luck.

What I am really struggling to shake is the idea that my heavy drinking habit has caused the miscarriages. I think I am feeling this way because I am otherwise healthy- I exercise regularly, I'm a healthy weight, I'm early 30s. I do have irregular cycles, but I have fallen pregnant quite quickly both times, so the doctor is reluctant to say I have PCOS.

What I am struggling to deal with is the internal shame that I am currently feeling- this is the thing that is in my control and this habit could have got me into this situation. It's creating this downward spiral where I drink more to block out the feelings of shame.

I am not looking for an excuse to carry on drinking so heavily; I know this is something that I need to address. I guess I am asking if anyone has been a in a similar position to me?

Miscarriages sadly happen, usually for no particular reason, and the chances of you doing anything to cause them in normal day to day activities are very low. You've likely just been very unlucky and I'm so sorry. However, if you're actively trying to get pregnant, please stop drinking first. Foetal alcohol syndrome happens within weeks of conception - stopping drinking when you find out you're pregnant could potentially be too late. Either way, cutting down your units can only do you good. Start folic acid straight away too, it is important. Good luck, and I hope you'll be posting next Easter about your lovely new bunny!

I'm sorry for your losses, OP.

Not a doctor, so won't speculate on the causes, but don't blame yourself. Wishing you lots of luck for a successful pregnancy and cutting down on the alcohol.

Probably not Op.
I have friends who got hammered in their early pregnancy days and went on to have healthy kids.
i have a friend who never drinks and she had a miscarriage
if you’re stopping when pregnant then how would it affect things?
I’ve had 2 miscarriages and both times the babies just wouldn’t have made it (when they looked into it).

We can’t really know. If the embryo isn’t developing well for whatever reason, an early miscarriage is often the result.

when I was ttc, I chose to only drink during my period. Some women limit drinking to be the first part of their cycle and stop when they know they are about to ovulate. Others continue to drink throughout.

if you are struggling with your intake, it’s always a good idea to take a break entirely. If you are struggling and ttc, I would at least stop drinking from the point of ovulation.

Nevermind the other issues, regular alcohol consumption at the rate you mention is not a good or healthy habit to have.
You should control this before trying to get pregnant.

Very likely to be bad luck. I’ve conceived 3 times after massive amounts of drinking (all happened at events such as Xmas, weddings) and drinking into early pregnancy before I knew. Ive miscarried once. Another friend who has avoided everything inc.tea &coffee has had 3 miscarriages and found after pushing for blood tests that she had an under active thyroid (after a completely textbook 1st pregnancy). You should look to cut down for your own health however please don’t beat yourself up about this. If you have a 3rd M/c I think you can push for tests. Good luck op.

I cannot reply to you all individually, but can I just say how thankful I am for the majority of your responses- you have said as much as I have been thinking, but because I have not spoken this aloud to anyone, I think I have been putting my head in the sand. Your direct but sensible comments are the truths I need to hear, and I will be coming back to this thread often to read your reassuring words again.

One of your comments really resonated, that I should be stopping this habit of secret drinking, even if i wasn't trying for a baby, but just generally for my health. It is so true. The buzz I get is really not worth the feeling of constant shame and inadequacy. This was happening before I even got pregnant, and it just makes me feel like a crappy person.

I have to say, that despite not being medically trained, I do not agree with the comments regarding foetal alcohol syndrome. As stated- I easily stopped drinking once seeing a positive pregnancy test for my first pregnancy, and from my ovulation day for the second. My concerns are about my drinking before conception, which although admittedly not great, do not, I think, concern this area.

I think my not drinking easily when pregnant, but then turning straight to it when not, is probably more indicative of the way I have been feeling about my body. I really wish I could give it the same respect as I do when I am pregnant. My most recent miscarriage was so recent, but I have been using alcohol as a way to numb my emotions. To feel better, I have also been indulging in the 'positives' of not being pregnant, which for me has been alcohol and caffeine, which, when writing it down feels so pathetic!

I’m so sorry about your miscarriages.

Apart from the pregnancies and your health, please do think about getting support for this for your future parenting. It’s really tough for kids to grow up in a house where a parent is abusing alcohol.

Best wishes with it all.

I look forward to OP returning to update in 6 months, to say that she stopped drinking completely or almost completely as of her last post on this thread & has always found that a comfortable choice.

OP - I understand the TTC / MC and feeling of having alcohol and caffeine as compensations so well 💐

But as I said upthread, to get the goal you really want I would try going completely cold turkey while TTC if you can x

And you sound like a nasty piece of work

Firstly, I'm sorry about your miscarriages. They are awful and we always look for a way to blame ourselves when really it is not anyone's fault at all - it just happens. I'm sorry you've been through this.
Drinking - I think it is this para for me:

What I am struggling to deal with is the internal shame that I am currently feeling- this is the thing that is in my control and this habit could have got me into this situation. It's creating this downward spiral where I drink more to block out the feelings of shame.

It sounds like it might be a good idea to try and cut down and monitor what you are drinking. If you are finding it difficult to cut down, then speak to your GP and look at Drink Aware. Your GP will probably be extremely sympathetic and will be able to offer you some support and answer your questions x

Thank you, @OnthePiste . Of all the responses, the one you replied to was probably the least helpful, but I actually struggled to respond, as I guess I think that it is probably true- I know that what I am drinking is too much, or else I wouldn't have written this post.

As much as I am sure my physical health would benefit from abstaining, my first goal is to kick the habit of the secret drinking, as well as just sharing a bottle of wine with DH. I think this is because I can then avoid the 'knowing' looks of friends who obviously know that we are trying- for some reason I am now paranoid that anyone knows. We live in the countryside as well so I can use the excuse of driving far more often.

I am a semi-regular poster in other groups, mostly conception and pregnancy, but have been a lurker in this board for quite a while. Thank you so much.

Many alcoholics have children and I don’t think there has ever been a study that showed it leads to increased miscarriage

By the time you know you're pregnant you've been pregnant a few weeks at least

Truth is nobody can say for definite if it's the alcohol or something else BUT for your sake your health and your peace of mind then address the drinking before ttc again

My 1st pregnancy/mc was unplanned and I would have conceived just before new year and I was hammered! When I found I was pregnant that did play on my mind.

2nd pregnancy I stopped drinking while ttc but mc again - partially ectopic (twins) in all likelihood due to endometriosis scarring which was diagnosed at this time too

The next time I was ttc after doing a lot of research I decided to not only cut out alcohol but also caffeine and also to eat as naturally as possible (there's some research re certain additives contributing to pregnancy issues) and didn't eat soft cheeses etc

No way I can know if that helped or not but at least I knew I was doing all in my power to help things along. If I'd had another mc at least I would have known what to rule out.

Dds pregnancy was medically nightmarish! But somehow we survived it (pure luck at certain points! Inc the birth)

Ultimately op don't you want to be as healthy as possible for yourself? Plus it's good to be as healthy as poss to survive the sleepless nights, teething, colic, tantrums (oh that was me! And her dad!)

You deserve good health and peace of mind don't you?

I went to Ibiza and spent a week drinking cocktails, not knowing I was 3 weeks pregnant with DD. DD is a healthy 3 year old. I'm older than you as well OP, I didn't have DD until I was 40.

I was worried and spoke to the mid wife. She assured me it was very common for women to drink before realising they are pregnant, as most pregnancies are unplanned. I can't remember the medical explanation but alcohol doesn't pass from the mother to foetus in the first few weeks anyway. The foetus is in a protected little bubble. It's after about 6 weeks that you can do damage.

I would say, are you taking fertility vitamins that include vitamin b (folic acid)? As alcohol really depletes this in your body, even in small amounts.

Seconding the idea that you would do well to stop drinking for your own health, but I respect your decision to cut down. May I recommend you take vitamin B complex. Alcohol dissolves vitamin B out of us system and drives us into a vicous circle of being anxious and nervous with alcohol being the thing we turn to calm ourselves down (and making us much more anxious and nervous in general)

@fastandspurious I will apologise about the foetal alcohol syndrome comment as I'd written it without additional explanation.

The reason I mentioned foetal alcohol syndrome is because I feel you clearly have a drinking problem and I don't buy that you'd be able to stop your habit for the full 9 months. You, of course, know your self much better than some stranger on the internet, but for someone who is seemingly actively trying to conceive, it seems strange that you'd drink half a bottle of wine and a couple of G&Ts each evening. So my FSA comment was more to do with if you fell off the wagon. 10 weeks abstinence is great, but it's a long way off 9 months.

Who's to say something major (or even minor) won't happen during your next pregnancy to make you turn to alcohol? Much of what you've written shows a dependency and strong desire for it.

Better to address your drinking issues before TTC imo. That way, you can know you've done everything you can for you and your baby.

I have been using alcohol as a way to numb my emotions.

^ this needs addressing now so you're giving yourself the best chance to be a good mother with a broader range of healthy strategies and so you can teach your children about how to manage their feelings.

I've lost four pregnancies in the last 2,5 years. And trying to conceive for 5 years. And I don't drink, I don't even look at alcohol. So it doesn't always mean it's the drinking problem, HOWEVER, think about your egg quality and how alcohol affects it, as well as your partner's sperm. And if they are bad quality - something can go wrong.

There is a reason why it is advised to not drink at all whilst pregnant as the effects are unknown.Just follow the guidelines and at least you would know it simply cannot be something you are doing .

Wow... I got deleted for saying what everyone else who reads this thread is thinking. I didn't say it unkindly, either.

MN used to be good for hearing straight truths.

MNHQ wants Elephants in rooms to be proudly ignored on MN. Note for future.

I am so sorry for your loss.

OP, I think many of the responses on here are ridiculous. There is no doubt that your alcohol consumption when not pregnant is too high, which will have knock on health effects. Whether or not that causes miscarriages, none of us can say but being overall healthier is never a bad thing before trying for a baby.

Having said that, I would absolutely be looking into getting support. After 2 miscarriages, I would think your GP would be willing to at least do some basic tests. Certainly, in our trust, two consecutive miscarriages will be sufficient to activate some extended investigations which, I believe, differ according to age/history/previous pregnancies etc.

Cut back on alcohol for your own good and go see your GP to start getting some ideas on what might be the problem. Good luck.

You stopped as soon as you found out so please don't kick yourself.