The freedom thread ( continued ) Riding the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life!

[ChampooPapi]

Adm1010

Hello all

This is a thread for people who have decided that life is much better without alcohol!🤩 These threads were started by @Drybird, and they have changed the lives of many people.

Some posters on these threads have been sober for a long time, and some are only just starting. We are a very friendly and inclusive bunch and we are always excited when someone new joins the thread. The only thing we ask is that our posters have given up alcohol completely. Talk of moderation can be triggering for some people, so this thread is not the right place for that (there are other moderation threads🙂).

We are a supportive welcoming bunch. No question is ever to “ silly “ and their is generally someone around if you are struggling

So just come here to chat or vent or check in . Whatever you need as you ride the rollercoaster of an alcohol free life smile

Thank you to @Adm1010 for hosting the last thread 💜

And here’s to the next 40 pages grin

Can I join on Day 10 AF. I've found it quite easy so far as I am so bloody stressed about some blood results I had and worried I have liver damage so all my energy has gone into that. My plan was to have a few weeks AF then drink within guidelines but I may continue with the AF lifestyle. Also am exhausted even though been having great sleep.

SavBunny parking a blip is such a great way to put it.

When my adult daughter was having a difficult period of time she saw a therapist. She was doing well then had a really bad drop into a black hole that could have had quite major consequences. I was all set to bring her home again and wrap her up in cotton wool and never let her out of my sight. But, the wise counsellor listened to her talk about what she did and said don't let this define you. "Don't catastrophise this!" It was done, she was safe and it had taught her that she wanted to go forward in a positive way. It was actually the catalyst for her to really move forward.

I had had a similar thing in my 20s but without such a wise therapist to hand.

These things are there to teach us. A blip is a(nother) reminder to you that this is not the path you want to follow.

I've said this before on here
When a child is learning to walk they fall many times. They don't just give up and decide that they'll not bother with walking after all. They learn from each fall as much as they learn from each strong and stable step.

@Breathmiller

Thank you for your story. My journey has had a few blips but i think it is similar to any learning /unlearned behaviour.
I don't want to be pissed every day. Too fattening, too tiring. Too aging.
I had a huge compliment lunchtime. My cousin who I am very close to has tried the AF gin and loves it! She rang me to report her own not drinking success and the offer at Waitrose.
I am going to get some more quit lit otherwise i will get telly eyes.

Welcome to all newbiesx

Yes, many blips here too before I decided it was enough and wasn't going to change unless I made the changes to my daily life.

And I'm never complacent. I need to know that there is that potential to blip again. So i stay vigilant. (Which autocorrected to virginal ) that boat may jave sailed

Well done to everyone plodding along and to those dusting themselves off and parking their blips.

I think of all my "days one's" - every bloody Monday was a day one. I can't say for sure I'll never be there again but I really don't want to be there again so that is what is dragging me through at the moment. I just can't be arsed doing it again

I went to the in-laws for dinner yesterday and it was painful. In every sense. I missed my mum a lot (I do, everyday), my feet hurt a lot (I am having a really bad arthritic flare) and I was really pissed off about not being a normal person who can drink moderately like my MIL and my two SIL's who cracked open prosecco and red wine over dinner.

I probably shouldn't have gone, but the kids got to mess around with their cousins and it was a change of scene.

I feel utterly miserable around other people drinking though. I didn't want to drink as such but I felt robbed of the choice. I know I can't moderate so I know I need to be AF and it pisses me off.

Its a common theme from me, but I can only envisage long term sobriety if I become a complete hermit.

"I was really pissed off about not being a normal person who can drink moderately like my MIL and my two SIL's who cracked open prosecco and red wine over dinner"

I wonder how 'moderate' their drinking really is though ...

Everything feels better to me after a week AF. I sleep better, I cope with the kids better (and we are having some real challenges right now with getting my son into CBT and a EHCP sorted), work is easier to cope with, food tastes better. I read today "sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised" amd it's true.

Evening all. I have been lurking reading this thread. having previously posted during one of many attempts at sobriety. Anyway I am day 76 today, the longest sober period for a long time.

Loads of great advice on here, and support which is great when you feel yourself cracking.

I am trying being kind to myself and celebrate small triumphs. I next need to cut down on my chocolate & caffeine. I figure it's still less harmful and cheaper than me wine.

I have navigated a few sober events some easier than others, I struggled to choose what to drink. What do you all drink socially? Some pubs are better than others. I don't want to just drink coke everytime.

Morning all checking in for my 8 month milestone
Feeling proud but humble I’ve made it this far.

Thanks for greetings and get well wishes @ChampooPapi happy to accept a virtual hug and so pleased you are on track and focused, applauding you all health professionals. @SavBbunny you were spot on about sleeping in my own bed!
After two weeks in hospital I don’t think I can properly catch up with the new thread sorry!
Welcome to all newbies and well done anyone who has had a blip and jumped back here with their posts. I’m aware that Mother’s Day is not a great day for everyone so well done if you navigated the weekend with any sadness or loss in your heart.

I’m slowly getting back to a normal routine and thankful alcohol doesn’t feature as I need all my energy right now.

Thank you to everyone who contributes I gain so much from reading about the journey others are making.

8 months is amazing! I don't think I have gone that long without alcohol since I was about 15, no not even in pregnancy.

I would love to think in 8 months that could be me.

AllofTheTime so glad to hear you are home. I hope you have time now to rest and recover.

And massive congratulations on your 8 month milestone. That's a hug achievement.

spacehardware that WILL be you. You can do this. Just focus on today and the todays all start to add up.

Haha. A huge achievement but have a hug too. 😊

Morning all.
I have spent the last 2 hours re-reading this thread and previous ones. I am finding mornings just awful and still suffering anxiety and feeling ashamed about my years of drinking. If I could empty my brain and my' thoughts bank' life would be so much better.
Keeping busy in the house (I am semi retired and part time self employed working from home) and finding that I just don't want to leave the house and PEOPLE! Day 4 and really hoping this feeling passes soon. If only we could transition from waking up with hangovers to feeling refreshed and cheerful.
I notice @ChampooPapi you are a student nurse. My career was also nursing and i spent many days with a crippling hangover (and yep I drove to work) and a full on smile on my face with false cheerfulness. This how people know me as it has always been 'me'.
Anyway day 4 and no feelings of caving in but the sober me needs to stop reflecting on my boozy years and move on.
Well done everyone for keeping going.

Good morning all.
@horlicks4me
Ah the shame game. That's the one I find hardest. What did I say? What did I do?
The past is the past and you can't live there anymore.
@Crunchymum
Alcohol dependancy is a chemical reaction. You wouldn't eat nuts if it made you ill and tbh people wouldn't eat them around you.

@AlloftheTime 8 months! Wow, I would be hugely proud if I manage that.

The alcohol industry has made it's elixir attractive to woman over the last few decades and we are now seeing the downside.
We can all have a new future but for most it won't be easy.
I have no need to avoid the booze aisles of supermarkets anymore but I am quite vocal if the AF offering is sparse. I am a vocal person anyway😀
Good luck to us all.
Today is the first day of the rest of our new life.

horlicks4me
I'm sorry that you're feeling so low in the mornings and ruminating over the past.

I did feel similarly at the beginning (of both long periods of sobriety) but it has gone. I'm not sure of when that happened as it was gradual but there was a definite shift from shaneand regret , which actually seemed amplified in the first few weeks, maybe months. It was like, if it was so bad to have to stop altogether then it must have been terrible which made it go over in my head even more. It was a bit like a fog had lifted and I could see my behaviour more clearly. And i was devastated.

But, the shift moved to how I feel now. I am proud of myself. It hasn't been easy and I was very much in a bad place with alcohol but instead of being ashamed of what I was like before, I am proud of myself for making the changes I needed to. That's not to say I don't have flashes and feel that shame a little again but I can say to past me "I forgive you, I'm sorry this happened for you and I have changed that now" That has been very healing for me. Treat your past self with compassion and forgiveness. Future you will thank you.

horlicks4me i think I recognise your name but I think we missed each other on the earlier threads. I didn't start til August 2020. But maybe I recognise you from reading back when I first came on. All these words and thougths from the first threads before me were so invaluable in helping me be where I am now.

@horlicks4me sorry you're struggling with shame. I was exactly the same when I stopped but it does shift. I found admitting my thoughts and feelings really helped, it took away the power and left space for me to practice self compassion - I often wrote on this thread how I was feeling as there's no judgment and it felt safe also people seemed to just understand and had done similar things too, think that one person's recovery helps another because the people who are further on their journey can add nuggets of wisdom and others can learn. If writing on here isn't for you that's fine - it's about finding the right place or person, I have a friend that I have spoken a little too, I write a journal and I see a therapist- this didn't all happen at once- it's been gradual and it's not all about alcohol but other stuff in my life.
I listen to lots of books on audible that I find helpful, I meditate, walk and do yoga. I'm slowly starting to be my own best friend and champion and I like it.

I'm not saying quickly do all these things because they may not be what you want to do just now.

What I want to really say is keep on with it, you will get there but be very kind to yourself because you deserve it

@AlloftheTime so glad you’re back home!
@Rupertpenrysmistress it’s very nice to see you here😊

@horlicks4me I too had those feelings of shame a regret. They took a little while to pass but I can honestly say I don’t feel them anymore now! I am proud of the changes I’ve made to my life and I am very much looking forwards, not backwards. These feelings will pass so hang in there.

@AlloftheTime huge congratulations on your 8 months!

Thank you everyone for responding to my earlier post. So many of you have felt the same and that comforts me (if you get my drift) as it feels very lonely when the despair kicks in.
I know I have a long way to go but I feel I had a light bulb moment when I decided to stop for good this time round. So many 1st days but I never want to feel as bad as this again. When I managed to be AF for 5 months nearly 2 years ago it was hard but a novelty and I counted every AF day religiously whilst patting myself on the back.
Your post @Kindtomyself really resounded . Thank you.
I have to take a hard long look as to why I started and continued to drink heavily. It's time for me to accept that it's ok to be an introvert rather than the life and soul of the party. I no longer have to be popular . I need to accept me as I am. @Breathmiller I too hope to strive to forgive myself.
Thank you all again. Posting on here really helps as I don't speak about this to anyone. I just hope you don't get bored of my ramblings x

Ramble away. With every ramble, a multitude of mumsnetters are nodding along recognising similar rambling thoughts in their head and glad someone is writing them down.

Ramble away @horlicks4me. Self acceptance is a big part of this journey.

Definitely understand what you are saying @horlicks4me I was exactly the same but it does pass. I found I moved into frustration and grumpiness for the second week, and then it dramatically improved.

Congratulations on 8 months @AlloftheTime Massive achievement!

Checking in on Day 52. My mood changes depending on the hour atm, but currently good. Learning to actually sit with my feelings.

@AlloftheTime I forgot to congratulate you on your 8 months! Big milestone, two thirds of a year done!🤩🥳👍

@spacehardware

8 months is amazing! I don't think I have gone that long without alcohol since I was about 15, no not even in pregnancy.

I would love to think in 8 months that could be me.

And it really could be! Every day and every event you navigate AF builds towards whatever goal you’ve set yourself. I know from the little we know of each other it’s easy to read about others and their achievements and imagine them as something difficult to emulate. I certainly had little confidence I would have reached the eight month mark and feel so positive going forward. Be kind to yourself, big up your achievements and do what works for you.

[quote Newmum738]@AlloftheTime huge congratulations on your 8 months! [/quote]
Thank you!!
Hope you are doing well 👍