Dry January 2022

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

Did Dry January this year and we had an amazing little support group going on here and I wondered if anyone cared to join me next year? This time I'm hoping to stay dry longer - 100 days - but will see how January goes first. I don't want to set myself up to fail.

Who's with me?

@brightspice oh yes, alcohol is boring in so many ways:

Hangovers
Anxiety
Constantly calorie counting how much my wine was so I don't go over my daily "allowance" - I think they call that drunkorexia?
Predicting almost to the minute the moment that the alcohol DH had consumed turned him from a cheery, jokey, funny man into an argumentative nasty one, and making sure our sons didn't get in his way. I have been called a Cunt so many times I can't even count them. He is also doing DJ. One set of demons at a time right?

Every birthday card I ever get has a glass of alcohol on it.

My mum drank wine every night, I don't remember seeing her drunk, but evening wine was a part of my childhood.
I do remember having some friend's home from school for tea and my grannie threw up in the sink in the kitchen in front of them. Nice. My whole family are "social" drinkers, a couple of them raging alkies.

I regret being drunk at my wedding, my grandad's funeral, my mother's funeral, every work Christmas party, god the list is endless.

Hugs to all those with traumatic childhood memories caused by booze, much worse than mine, I salute you all.

And @SailorGeri, you poor thing hurting yourself so badly, a nasty wake up call, I hope you are ok now. I have broken ribs before, it is not funny.

Gonna get me some of this Becks Blue for the weekend. I mentioned it to DH expecting him to be dead against it "that will just make me want the real thing!" but he was surprisingly in favour. I am very proud of him as he is not sleeping at all yet 4 days in, it will take him longer to regain his sleep pattern, and I know he is proud of me too, and completely flabbergasted I am doing it - I have always laughed it off before "God no why would I make depressing January even more depressing by not drinking?" etc

Onwards.......->

BTW I am unloading here as I really do feel that if I slip now I will be letting you all down - all you strangers on t'interweb I have never met.

@AlbertBridge completely agree on the socialising. Part of the issue is that drinking while out is a habit, and is also expected of me.

The other issue is that I am naturally a very quiet person. I’ve felt over the years that I need to counteract that, and be a party person - and alcohol is an easy shortcut to get there. I’ve decided to try to get comfortable with being the quiet one, as it’s more the real “me”. (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray has been very helpful on this).

That said, I’m going out for a nice meal with DH on Friday and for a night out at a pub with a load of friends on Saturday, and they’re going to be v challenging!

How long until falling asleep naturally becomes a thing? I'm on day 4, I'm still struggling to get off before 3am.

Day 5 and yes another late night in terms of falling asleep. I have got up for work today after 3-4 hours so maybe it’ll start to reset my clock. Hope I’ll find the deep refreshing sleep I used to know and love!

[quote NewModelArmyMayhem18]**@AlbertBridge I know what you mean about being anxious about social happenings. I went out with three friends at the beginning of December. I started off really well (on AF beers) but decided I could have just glass of wine which turned into three, including one which I said 'no thank you' to but it arrived anyway (it seemed impolite not to drink it once it was in front of me!). That was the only time in the lead up to Christmas (in my very moderate drinking phase) when I felt I'd drunk too much and it really made me feel 'bleurgh'.

I'm not sure what the solution is? Cut short the meet-ups when you feel your resolve weakening, or do something very full-on which means you're not sitting around in a pub/having a meal (or go to somewhere without an alcohol licence so you stick to soft drinks) catching up.[/quote]
@AlbertBridge I'm curious about the third drink. You drank it because you thought "it's impolite not to drink it now it's in front of me".

What would you have done if your thought instead had been "It was impolite of [person name] to buy it as I had said 'no thank you'"?

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 Sorry - my last post should have been @ you ....

@brightspice it was me that didn't resist the third drink. Well I guess that says it all. After two glasses of wine I clearly wasn't thinking sensibly (or reframing how I thought about the alcohol).

Actually it is a salutary lesson in the need to reframe others' views of one. And about a collective view of drinking alcohol as the norm and as a positive 'sharing' experience.

Morning everyone 👋
Just caught up with the thread and everyone is doing great, well done all 😊
Onto day 4 for me and still no want for alcohol. Long may that continue. I completely wrote yesterday off and had a pj day on the couch. Sat up till after 1am then read my book in bed. Was asleep by 2am. Pleased to report I had a deep sleep and woke up at 9.30am this morning. Feeling much better today but still slightly tired. My goal for today is too do some exercise for half an hour.

For people who have posted about social occasions coming up. My tip would be to plan in advance and play it out in your mind for each situation that could arise. Drink AF drinks which are very trendy just now or say you are taking antibiotics. If you slip up, please don't beat yourself up about it. Instead use it to reflect and learn from for the next time.

Wishing everyone the best of luck for today 💐

I'ves seen a few comments rom those who are struggling especially with what to do during the evening if they are no longer drinking. I stopped drinking alcohol during one of the lockdowns for 3 months (it was a brilliant rest) and am now doing DJ - maybe longer.

I found filling my evenings to be really helpful, especially in the early days. Online yoga, meditation and joining some Alcoholics Anon online meetings were actually really helpful. I dont think I'm an 'alcoholic' (whatever that really means) but listening to the stories of those who identify as alcoholic was really motivating for me and I learnt a huge amount about myself and why I may like to drink too much.

I feel much more like getting on with stuff today. And less bloated!

Happy dry evening last night for me.

Day 5, back to work today so here's hoping I can break the post-work wine habit! I hope you're all doing well comrades!

@Onewildandpreciouslife

The other issue is that I am naturally a very quiet person. I’ve felt over the years that I need to counteract that, and be a party person - and alcohol is an easy shortcut to get there. I’ve decided to try to get comfortable with being the quiet one, as it’s more the real “me”. (The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray has been very helpful on this).

This is 100% me! I realised a few years ago that I always felt (growing up) that mum preferred me when I was being outgoing, outspoken and feisty, rather than my other - more introverted - self. So I've drunk a lot to conjure up that feisty side with friends. I love the sound of that book and will buy it on kindle - thank you!

@newbie202020

joining some Alcoholics Anon online meetings were actually really helpful. I dont think I'm an 'alcoholic' (whatever that really means) but listening to the stories of those who identify as alcoholic was really motivating for me

I did this too! I read during lockdown Russel Brand extolling the virtues of AA, saying that everyone would benefit from doing it. I joined an online AA-type programme run by a local church, it's called Celebrate Recovery, and we all worked through the 12 steps together. The group is still going now, 2 years later. It's been a lifeline. Probably the only place where I know I can spill my guts and admit all my insecurities, occasional self-hatred and controlling tendencies and still feel accepted.

The group was 99% middle-aged women (like me, despite my crap name choice) which was great, and rather telling.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 absolutely 100% agree with you with regard to the collective view of drinking as being the norm. Anyone who says no thank you to a drink is certainly swimming upstream.

But back to that third drink. I'm less interested in the fact that you didn't resist it and that after 2 glasses of wine you were less on the case, but what you would have done had you been thinking "I specifically said no thank you to this drink and yet you still bought it and put it in front of me."

If you could press pause on that moment and in the cold light of day (ie now) apply that thought to the situation what would you have done?

Great to hear how well everyone is doing! Day 4 and it's going pretty well. DH made "mocktails" and sneaked some bitters in "for flavour". Also find cooking without a cocktail a bit dull, especially when DH comes into the kitchen, switches off the news (that I was listening to) in the guise of keeping me/wanting company, and proceeds to sit there on his phone! May have to banish him. Not noticed improvement in sleep but am feeling better in the morning. Also relieved that what I thought was an 4-kilo Christmas weight gain was possibly 1/3 water retention-so still not excellent but better. Hoping the weight drops off over the next few weeks. Still waiting for productivity to soar.
Good luck all!

I'm doing it. Did it last year after first weekend didn't miss it t all! Really reduced alcohol intake after too. Although it increased again at Xmas!

I realised last night that I go to alcohol when I've had something to celebrate, when I've had a bad day, when I am premenstrual, when something has upset me, when we are having a nice weekend, when it is unusually sunny summer weather, when it is a miserable cold winters day, when we want something to drink with dinner...

I don't want to stop drinking completely as I do like wine with meals sometimes, I enjoy beer, I enjoy a really well made cocktail (or used to pre-dc when I went anywhere!). I do want to drink less and less often. A couple of beers with a burger, a bottle of wine to share with a nice roast chicken, a beer in a pub garden. Not 6 high alcohol polish beers from the corner shop because the evening is boring and if I am hungover its a WAH day so doesn't matter

Day 5 going well. After busy morning Runnin around I felt hot and really fancied a cold corona beer but drank sparkling water with a lime. That quenched the thirst.

@brightspice if I'd paused that moment I would have been annoyed that my wish not to have more alcohol was ignored! In a way it seemed like a generous gesture BUT I almost wonder whether it was done to make the person whose round it was feel better about having another alcoholic drink too ('safety in numbers'). And the next morning I felt quite lousy from having had that extra drink (the one too many) so was really cross with myself for having it. Of course, I could have left it undrunk but for me that would seem wasteful if not ungrateful.

Clearly I need to work on my will-power though!

@NewModelArmyMayhem18 ... and by feeling annoyed in the moment that your wish was ignored (setting aside for the moment any additional thoughts about not drinking it being wasteful or ungrateful), would you have been more likely to drink the drink or leave it undrunk?

The reason I ask this is that all this has actually nothing to do with willpower (which is really great news by the way).

Rather it's all about how we feel. When we change a habit like drinking there's going to be discomfort as we practice the new habit. So which discomfort would you rather:

Feel annoyed in the moment that your wish was ignored but drink the unwanted drink anyway, feel lousy physically and cross with yourself in the morning that you gave in OR live through the discomfort of NOT drinking that third, unwanted drink, experiencing all the thoughts of "I'm being ungrateful and wasteful" as it sits there on the table, experiencing your friend's ribbing as to why aren't you drinking (I think you're right about your safety in numbers comment!) BUT the next day to be so grateful to yourself that you didn't waste your time on drinking something that you didn't want and doesn't serve you? See how that goes?

@brightspice that's a really interesting way to look at it! Thanks for you advice!

Need to flex my resilience muscle tonight... the temptation to have a glass is very real this evening!!

@makeusabrewwillyou put yourself in the shoes of the you tomorrow morning at breakfast who doesn't give into the temptation to drink tonight. Really imagine being her. Feel how she feels about sitting out the discomfort of the temptation and not drinking. Then be that person now.