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Alcohol support

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Original poster

You know when they talk about rock bottom? I've found it.

28 replies

ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 00:46

I'm only posting to journal, i don't need sympathy But I do need somewhere to remind me in the morning, I'm a drunk that forgets.

I’m a twat and a cunt to everyone I love when I'm drinking which is every evening now days and I never remember it.

I'm lucky, I'm loved, I have nice people around me and here I am being a cunt to them all because I drink every night.

I have finally, thank fuck found my tragic rock bottom. I'm ashamed it took this long and so much damage.

They are all still here so I'm lucky and loved. Enough is enough on my behalf. I know what I need to do, I know what I want to do, I even know how to do it this time.

Enough is enough

OP posts:
RandomMess · 19/09/2021 00:49

I hope tomorrow you decide no more and get in touch with AA and that's your day 1

Nandakanda · 19/09/2021 00:52

Good luck.

I very much hope this is your rock bottom, as it sounds like you could yet fall an awful lot further i.e. all those caring people/home etc. gone.

I’ve seen people loose absolutely everything, and then finally, their life.

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 00:53

@RandomMess

I hope tomorrow you decide no more and get in touch with AA and that's your day 1
I'm hoping - and I may be naive here, the love and honestly between my family and myself is enough.

If not I will ask help from anyone willing to help us ie, me it is just me being the only family issue.

It is honestly finished. I need and want to.

OP posts:
confessionsOfa · 19/09/2021 00:55

I'm sorry you're caught up in a vicious cycle and I hope you manage to climb your way out of it to a better and happier future

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 00:55

@Nandakanda

Good luck.

I very much hope this is your rock bottom, as it sounds like you could yet fall an awful lot further i.e. all those caring people/home etc. gone.

I’ve seen people loose absolutely everything, and then finally, their life.

I agree.

I'm amazed they are all still here, I don't deserve it because - I'm choosing drink every night over them with no excuse.

I'm choosing us from now on and I know I can do it.

OP posts:
DonnieDark · 19/09/2021 01:04

Hi OP, I just went through 2 months of rehab and had to be medically detoxed after liver failure and internal bleeding. I've been sober for over 2 months now. It was hard but you can absolutely do it.

AA is amazing but maybe also see your GP for support too in case you need supervision to stay safe.

Wishing you all the best to recover - I've just spent my evening cleaning up sick from two drunk men in the house and that was me only a short time ago!

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 01:18

@DonnieDark

Hi OP, I just went through 2 months of rehab and had to be medically detoxed after liver failure and internal bleeding. I've been sober for over 2 months now. It was hard but you can absolutely do it.

AA is amazing but maybe also see your GP for support too in case you need supervision to stay safe.

Wishing you all the best to recover - I've just spent my evening cleaning up sick from two drunk men in the house and that was me only a short time ago!

Thank you.

Good luck, we can do this.

OP posts:
DonnieDark · 19/09/2021 01:22

Honestly, feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it, having a network of support is so vital.

There are all kinds of meetings that cater for people like me who don't so well with the god stuff in traditional AA and it's worth getting some therapy once you're sober too to figure out a plan to stay sober and tackle the issues that led you here.

It's an awful place to be and I know exactly how awful you feel.

It sounds like you're ready!

MissConductUS · 19/09/2021 01:27

Seek support wherever you can. When I was where you are now I felt as if I'd fallen into a deep, dark pit I would never be able to climb out of. Some good people in AA dropped a rope into the pit and helped me climb out, into the light.

You alone must do it, but you cannot do it alone.

480Widdio · 19/09/2021 01:55

I am an AA member,been sober over 18 years,it has NOTHING to with God,so many people get this wrong it astounds me.There would be hardly anyone attending AA if it was!

Feel free to PM me OP there are thousands of meetings to attend and many more on Zoom.

MacNTosh · 19/09/2021 02:06

When you read this in the morning be kind to yourself. This book changed my life because it’s changed dh’s life www.amazon.co.uk/Alcohol-Explained/dp/B077ZXD5Q3/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&crid=G7DWLBOZSCGC&keywords=william+porter+alcohol+explained&sprefix=William+por%2Caps%2C168&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1632013455&sr=8-1

nzeire · 19/09/2021 02:08

Yay! Good on you!
I reached mine 9 years ago, and was just thinking yesterday, how close I was to losing everything.
You can. And will. Do this

Get help from your go if you need to, it is worth it!

Good luck!

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 11:22

Good morning and thank you.

I am ready. I'm not adverse to AA and all offers of help so I can help my family. I need to not be this person anymore and that starts today.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 22:40

1 night done, off to bed. I knew I had an Amazon parcel hidden somewhere with a book about giving up.

Never opened anything more than the Amazon package. I dug it out today and I've read 5 chapters this evening snuggled up in bed.

It still had the Amazon receipt in the envelope.

2014 - 7 years ago, I was concerned enough about my drinking to buy a book and I did nothing about it until now.

You know when they talk about rock bottom? I've found it.
OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 19/09/2021 22:43

Well done OP. You’ve started your best life. So worth it.

AWryGiraffe · 19/09/2021 22:45

AA is great for some people and doesn't work for others. I would strongly advise you to google your local authority drug and alcohol support service and get in touch with them for an assessment - more so than GPs, etc, they will be best placed to support you in your recovery, signpost you to multiple peer support groups, etc. Your council website should tell you which provider delivers services in your area unless you want to say here and I can signpost (I work in the field)

Keep your head up, you've taken the first steps and help outside of your family is so important.

Ilovetoddlerssaidnooneever · 19/09/2021 22:46

CongratulationsFlowers

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 22:57

@PersonaNonGarter

Well done OP. You’ve started your best life. So worth it.
Thank you. I've been on mn for over 12 years. I need to post here.

I know I can do this, I know what to do. I know it won't be easy. I've probably posted more when drinking than not over that span.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 22:59

@AWryGiraffe

AA is great for some people and doesn't work for others. I would strongly advise you to google your local authority drug and alcohol support service and get in touch with them for an assessment - more so than GPs, etc, they will be best placed to support you in your recovery, signpost you to multiple peer support groups, etc. Your council website should tell you which provider delivers services in your area unless you want to say here and I can signpost (I work in the field)

Keep your head up, you've taken the first steps and help outside of your family is so important.

Is it ok if I pm you about where I live please?
OP posts:
Esmereldashome · 19/09/2021 23:03

You can do it. You know you need to. Please take care and be strong, you may not always feel as strong as you do right now but don't give up and keep fighting this x

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 19/09/2021 23:09

@Esmereldashome

You can do it. You know you need to. Please take care and be strong, you may not always feel as strong as you do right now but don't give up and keep fighting this x
I will, it's not an option anymore.

I can't even let myself think about what a disappointment I've been because, it's about now and the future.

It's not going to be easy, at least I have here whilst I build my support network back up.

Funnily enough, I don't have anyone left around me because I was an idiot to be around. A nasty drunk.

I'm actually a really nice and decent person as long as I'm not drinking.

OP posts:
Esmereldashome · 20/09/2021 00:47

You know a lot of nice people are nasty horrible drunks. You now recognise this. That says something as some people never would admit to it. So please give up the booze. Don't let it make you someone you're not any longer. Take it one day at a time I really hope you keep your resolve x

nzeire · 20/09/2021 11:24

I read every book, joined every website, watched every intervention, did NLP, AA, addiction groups, one in one counselling, psychiatrist, GP… ended up on naltrexone. TOLD EVERYONE so I was accountable. With lots of false starts, I finally did it. And I remember that day, I really really meant it.
You can do it!

Original poster
ThisIsItThankFuck · 20/09/2021 22:11

2nd day and off to bed. Nearly finished the book and it's very informative in regards to poison ie the alcohol and choices which helped me choose not to drink this evening.

I hope everyone is ok and doing their best as well.

OP posts:
DonnieDark · 20/09/2021 22:19

@nzeire I'm on naltrexone too. I've been out of rehab for a week and no cravings at all. Well done to all who've been through this and are on the recovery journey - I was very fortunate to get the help I needed before it was too late but a lot cannot or won't admit there's a problem and ask for support. My local services wouldn't even call me back so I hope OP lives somewhere where there is better provision and better days are to come 😊