Drinking WAY too much and need to detox - any shared experiences?

[TimeToStop]

I'm a daily drinker and have been for absolutely years. Since the start of lockdown 1 I've gone from drinking around half a bottle of wine or a couple of beers a day to now drinking 1/4 bottle of spirits, a bottle of wine and maybe also a few beers. Because I drink all the time, I don't get drunk any more, it's a steady drip feed of alcohol through the day. My sleep is appalling; up around 4/5 am after 3 hours sleep and then I need to have my first drink to steady the withdrawal.

I'm supposed to be working from home but I'm really beginning to fail in that and I am desperate to stop. I stopped in February 2019 for 3 months - it was sort of enforced as I was very unwell and in hospital for 3 weeks with an ovarian abscess. I felt so much better. Since then it crept up from a beer at the end of the day to where I am now.

I've spoken to my GP and been put in contact with my local drug and alcohol service as I'm drinking too much to safely stop on my own now. I'm scheduled to do a community detox on February 8th and I wondered if anybody here has done this and what it's like? I'm so nervous about it.

Hi OP, I'm proud of you taking the first step. I have done a medical detox, but in hospital. The librium do work very well, but I did still have one seizure, so it's good that your partner will be there. I didn't feel particularly rough, and the librium makes you sleep through a lot of it.

I agree that getting to the root of the trauma/anxiety with a trained counsellor is most helpful. Gabor Mate mentioned upthread (on YT) explains it beautifully.

Also, addiction to substances is us attempting to self medicate - would you consider taking anti-depressants? (they honestly do the job better than self-medicating).

Please please make sure you do something to address why you drink otherwise nothing will change.

It would be such a waste to go through all of this and not deal with the root causes as, eventually, you WILL drink again and it will only get worse.

Find out what the local alcohol service offers or speak to someone from AA. Everything is online at the moment - there is more support than ever for those who want to change their life and stop drinking.

Is private counselling an option?

But you MUST change something otherwise you'll be back at square one.

VoldermortsKitten thank you so much for this reply. I think they have replaced diazepam with librium because the former is very addictive and so can end up creating a new dependency. It's very good to know what to expect. How did you handle those first 48 hours, I mean how did you find was good to spend the time? I have already decided that I will call in sick to work etc. But I'm wondering how to distract myself as it's sort of a waiting game isn't it, to get through that?

Sleep. I haven't slept more than 3 hours in a row for over a year now. Recently it's shrunk to an average of 2 hours.

I completely agree that, for me, there is no possibility of reduction or controlled drinking. I just cannot drink again ever.

The good news is that once you’ve accepted you cannot drink safely again, you can start to recover. That’s definitely been my experience. I had to accept that abstinence was the only realistic way forward for me - there was never going to be a sophisticated single glass of champagne at a wedding or a few sociable drinks in the garden for me - and then I could start to do the work I needed to do to stay sober.

Do think about what support you might access once you’ve come through the detox. Sobriety can be emotionally painful in the early weeks and months. You find yourself with all the same feelings and thoughts, and often a whole rush of new ones now you’re not medicating yourself any more, but you can’t turn to booze to drown the din out.

A support group, therapy, a 12 step programme or some combination of these is really important to help you stay stopped (in my experience). You really don’t have to do it alone. .

Good luck! You’re taking an amazing first step to a much better life.

Honestly the first 24hrs it was just marking time. I felt 'safe' in that no matter how awful i felt I had the cover of the diazepam to keep away the really scary withdrawal symptoms i had read were possible. I was too agitated to read a book or watch any telly but i found that i could read through a lot of AIBUs and posts on the r/stopdrinking area of Reddit and also stupid things like word puzzles on my phone. For some reason this sort of thing distracted my brain enough that i wasn't constantly thinking about what was going on, and it really did pass time. The hours did go by even if it felt slowly. The second day I still felt some withdrawal in the morning ( also only sleeping about 3hrs a night) but already it was much less, more like a bad hangover, and I just kept trusting that it would get better, it had to.

For me i then had to address the fact that i had anxiety and am now on anti-anxiety medication which has been a huge help. I don't think i will ever drink again, I don't know if a brain's 'wiring' can ever fully return to normal once there has been physical dependence and i am too scared of ever returning where i was to take the risk, but i know that's not the same for everyone. over a year on i can still remember the terror of being trapped so vividly.

the habit bit of drinking does get broken eventually too. at first i didn't know what to drink in the evenings! but eventually i have regressed to my teenage ways of coffee in the morning and diet 7 up after noon and that pretty much does me.

i'm really proud that you've taken the step to get help i know it isn't easy especially if you're the sort of person who is used to 'fixing' things by yourself. please let us know how you're getting on :)

VoldemortsKitten that is so helpful. It's really what I wanted to know - what to expect. Agitation, I really do worry about. Okay, so get lots of games on my phone. I really, really feel for you, going through that.

Do you mind me asking you what anti-anxiety medication you are on? I think I really need that.

If I can get through this to the other side, I am absolutely determined not to kid myself that I can ever have an alcoholic drink again. I really don't want to be in this hell-hole any more or ever again.

OP you've had some excellent advice and help here and I wish you well.

I have (sadly) quite a lot of experience of medical detoxes...5/6? I drank like you and stopping cold turkey nearly killed me. The shakes turn into sezuires and... not fun at all.

I'm sober now. I went to rehab and now I use AA to keep me sober and help me be a better, more spiritual person.

The unexpected joy of being sober is a great book. That's been the most amazing part of my sobriety - how much, much better my life is.

Whether you like the term or not, you are an alcoholic. Non alcoholics don't have to detox to stop drinking. They stop.

AA... well I was very anti it for a long time. I deliberately went to a non AA rehab and was outraged when they made us go to AA meetings.

I was adamant it was a cult and full of God bollock and alchies (duh) and they were nothing like me. I'm a highly educated, atheist, (formally) successful woman.

And man they do make it hard to identify with AA. BUT and it's a big one... I am exactly like every other person in the rooms.

I have a disease called alcoholism. I am powerless over alcohol and my like was unmanageable.

What you describe, the 3/5am sweats and shaking, the having to drink in the morning and keep on drinking all day to get anywhere near "normal" that was me. And it got worse, much worse.

But AA? Not for me.

I was wrong. I've been sober nearly 2 years abs AA and the friends I've made and what I've learned about myself is the best thing that ever's happened to me. Really! And I've had a pretty interesting life.

Stopping drinking/medical detox is the easy bit. Stating stopped on your own is in my experience impossible.

Don't be like me, stubborn and stay about AA, give it a whirl.

As a PP said it's all on Zoom so you can go to meetings anywhere and not even show your face/speak u less you want to.

If you want a gentle intro to it a details of a coupe of great women's only meetings I go to PM me.

There's one I go to where it's 15-20 women who you would NEVER think are alcoholics. Successful women, young and old, mothers with kids of all ages and we stay sober abs share out experience, strength abs hope with each other.

And we laugh. A lot. Like normal people

All I can think to say is well done. You will soon be well on the road yo feeling much better.

And my autocorrect refuses to type the word and and replaces with with abs.

It's an iPhone thing apparently, not an alcoholic one.

@TimeToStop if you want to chat about the joys of medical detoxes I'm very happy to do so via pm.

One good thing...the shakes stop!

I'm popping over from the dry thread to wish you strength and luck for the time you're about to face. There's loads of great advice on here and you can't beat hearing from people who've been through similar. It will be tough to begin with but so, so worth it. 😊

Shannith I have nothing at all against AA and it will definitely be a place that I look into. I'm very aware that I'm an alcoholic; honestly it's been staring me in the eye since I was in my early 20s. I can't have just one drink. I really wish it was possible right now to go into rehab but due to covid, this isn't an option, so I have to do the community detox although it terrifies me.

colouringindoors which Mate book would you recommend? He seems very interesting.

JCBluebell everything you've described is very like me - the sense of wishing the hours of the day away. At the moment as it's so bad, I am trying to work from home but mainly failing, just about keeping enough going but nobody has any idea what I'm actually going through. I sometimes find that quite extraordinary. Even my closest friends don't seem to have noticed that I'm barely ever in contact with them at the moment. I guess that's more to do with everyone struggling through the pandemic than anything else though. I find I'm longing for around 3pm when I go to sleep for an hour or two. I wake up so disorientated though that it's hardly worth it.

NobodyMove yes I absolutely have to address why I'm drinking so much and why it's got so bad. I've had counselling in the past to help me to deal with my anxiety and I think I know really what my issues are but I obviously haven't found a way of dealing with them yet.

Thank you "Drybird2020*

I've been thinking about you OP and hope you're pacing it through today OK. I meant to say that when you start the detox you might not eat for a few days as your appetite may completely disappear, it will come back eventually and isn't a huge deal. I wasn't eating much towards the end anyway. which ties in to what you said above too actually:
"just about keeping enough going but nobody has any idea what I'm actually going through. I sometimes find that quite extraordinary."
my lovely friends had no clue and i did find it extraordinary. people at work the same. but because of the lack of appetite when the real dependence kicked in i lost weight and they said i was looking so healthy, what was I doing differently, i died a bit inside at every well-meant compliment because really how far opposite could the truth be.

I was put on to 100mg of Sertraline for anxiety, it took about 3 weeks to work but it did work. The surges of dread/fear/anxiety lessened and everything is more even. I can find myself looking forward to things now - not anything massive, it was another thing like dreaming real dreams that i hadn't really realised was missing. I was spending my days holding on and trying to get through them and I hadn't noticed how long it had been since i'd had the feeling of pleasure in planning something or just looking forward to it, instead of it being a thing i had to get done.

I read Annie Grace's This naked mind on my kindle when i was calm enough to read again maybe a week in. Also this guy's blog, this is one article www.alcoholexplained.com/2018/01/30/morning-drinking/

and when i was feeling stronger again I listened to Sia's Chandelier song, from the other side. for me it captured a lot of what had gone on. there were never any chandeliers, the cycle's all there though

X

Thank you, again. I had a moment today when I had to talk to a colleague and, to me, it was SO obvious that I was slurring and actually barely conscious. I was longing to lie down and get some sleep at that point as I only slept for 2 hours last night and had been up since 4am. But he didn't notice! In fact at one point he said, "thank goodness I have you there to talk reason." How???

I'm so anxious at the moment because I haven't heard anything from the drug and alcohol team and I don't know if the detox next week is going ahead or not. I know it's not going to be the solution to everything but it's a starting point that I'm holding onto.

i was a rock-bottom, lost-everything alcoholic. by the end i was drinking round the clock, huge binges. i’d had 2 hospital detoxes and done community alcohol treatment. i had periods of drinking mouthwash just to get me straight enough to go and buy booze.

nothing worked, because i wasn’t prepared to let it.

AA saved my life. i didn’t get sober straight away, i was drinking for maybe the first 4 months. but i was listening to people talk about sobriety and i wanted it.

my last withdrawal was a doozy. i came off a 3 day binge of brandy, cider and vodka. i woke up sick enough that i was just throwing up in my bed. i couldn’t get to the shop for more booze so i just had to tough it out.

i nearly died. i had hallucinations, i puked until i burst blood vessels in my eyes. i collapsed getting up to get water and i thought i was going to die, in a cold hallway, with nobody knowing what was happening.

i haven’t had a drink since. i’ll be 7 years sober this year, and i drank from age 8 to 41.

things you should know:

• nobody can save you but you

• you will crave sugar for the first little while. don’t stress about this. you can diet once you’ve straightened out

• your brain can only sustain a craving for 20 minutes. you can distract yourself for 20 minutes at a time. you can do it five minutes at a time if you need to. it’s just your brain demanding that reward. give it some cold full fat coke and it will shut up

• nobody is trying to force you to leave the party. there is no party. just a slow decline or a nasty accident waiting to happen. would you let someone you loved take those risks? you need to love yourself enough and understand that you are worth saving

• daily affirmations. look yourself in the eye in the mirror and tell you that you love you, that you have worth, that you bring value to the world

• IT GETS EASIER! i promise you this.

• don’t stress about being bored if you’re. it drinking. you’ll be straight enough to find new, rewarding ways to spend your time

OP, you are worth saving. it’s hard to believe when you’re in the middle of the storm, but it will pass and you will begin to believe it.

i’ll just repeat the bits about it getting easier, and that you are worth it.

my life sober is smaller but infinitely sweeter. there are so many tiny joys that get lost in the fog of drink.

you can do this, you just have to want it bad enough and believe in yourself. i lost everything to drink - my job, my marriage, my kid and my home. if i can make it, you can.

be well, OP. you have it in you to change. get to it.

just to add - i am not a religious person. AA doesn’t require you to believe in ‘God’. it’s the higher power of your own understanding. when i struggled with this my sponsor asked me if i made the sun come up this morning. i said of course not. so, she said, there’s that power greater than you.

the universe is my higher power. find whatever works.

(disclaimer that AA is not for everyone. but for me, being amongst people who really, really understood how it was to live in my head was such a huge relief and helped enormously when things got tough)

Hi OP,
Just came on to see how you're doing. I see the posts above here have so much wisdom, experience and good advice.

Like you and others, i was amazed at how little many of my friends knew. To me it was glaringly obvious. I guess we get well practised at hiding it.
You asked about Gabor Mate. Wondered if this link to a video of him might be helpful to you. Maybe just watching/ listening might be easier than reading at the mo? He's very insightful and i find him easy to listen to.
Watch "The Power of Addiction and The Addiction of Power: Gabor Maté at TEDxRio+20" on YouTube

I really hope you're hanging in there and you hear about your detox soon. Take care and keep sharing.

Thanks for the messages and the support, it's incredibly helpful. I'm really hoping I'll get news about the detox today.

Hi op any news? How are you feeling?

Detox scheduled for Monday, 9.45am. Very relieved but also quite nervous.

Great that you've got a date. A relief i'm sure, but of course it's still nerve racking. Try your best to pace yourself with the drinking in the meantime. Don't be tempted to have more than usual. Any little you can cut back will help you when you stop.
You're so brave doing this and you'll get your rewards! You're going to get your life back! Try not to be scared. These guys know how to keep you safe. You've spent so long just about getting through each day, going through some withdrawals every single morning, you're more than capable of getting through these few detox days. It will be so worth it!

Great news op!!!!

Please follow the advice of your GP.
I have two family members who were alcoholics and both had seizures trying to go cold turkey.

It needs to be medically supervised and done slowly.

Really chuffed to hear you have the date and time now. Honestly on top of everything else not being sure if and when it would happen must've been a right pain. @JCBluebell some great words there sounds like you've also been through it all. FWIW @TimeToStop this internet stranger is sending you a whole heap of luck/love/kudos. Hope you pace it ok today I reckon you've got this X