Drinking WAY too much and need to detox - any shared experiences?

[TimeToStop]

I'm a daily drinker and have been for absolutely years. Since the start of lockdown 1 I've gone from drinking around half a bottle of wine or a couple of beers a day to now drinking 1/4 bottle of spirits, a bottle of wine and maybe also a few beers. Because I drink all the time, I don't get drunk any more, it's a steady drip feed of alcohol through the day. My sleep is appalling; up around 4/5 am after 3 hours sleep and then I need to have my first drink to steady the withdrawal.

I'm supposed to be working from home but I'm really beginning to fail in that and I am desperate to stop. I stopped in February 2019 for 3 months - it was sort of enforced as I was very unwell and in hospital for 3 weeks with an ovarian abscess. I felt so much better. Since then it crept up from a beer at the end of the day to where I am now.

I've spoken to my GP and been put in contact with my local drug and alcohol service as I'm drinking too much to safely stop on my own now. I'm scheduled to do a community detox on February 8th and I wondered if anybody here has done this and what it's like? I'm so nervous about it.

This is what I was thinking of...
smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/

This is all really helpful, thank you. x

The books that have been recommended are excellent. You can start them whilst you are drinking. They work by challenging the beliefs you have about alcohol. I would start them now or perhaps just a few days before your detox.
An example of a belief I had about alcohol was that parties/celebrations wouldn't be fun any more.. the truth is that a lot of parties aren't actually much fun anyway when people get drunk. People get loud and start to repeat themselves for example. I still go to them (or did pre covid) but once I have caught up with friends and if it starts to annoy me I can put myself in my little car and drive myself home to my warm bed.
Thats a tiny tiny part of how the books work. There is much more to it. I only mention that little snippet because for me, my biggest hurdle was thinking life without alcohol would be bleak and grey. I had to stop drinking but the thought of life without it was terrifying. The reality is that (excuse the cliche) is that I am living my best life. So much has gone well since quitting drinking and the bad times aren't catastrophic as they would have been whilst I was drinking.
My personal favourite was Craig Beck Alcohol Lied to Me, closely followed by Alcohol Explained by William Porter. I pretty much bought them all. Some are very similar but even with the expense it was nowhere near what I was spending on alcohol.
I will celebrate two years alcohol free in March. If anything is open I will be taking myself for a bloody nice lunch!
Its really important if you can to get yourself a sober tribe. I am in a Facebook group called The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober (not affiliated with the book but inspired by). We are a 25k+ global community at varying stages of sobriety. If you use Facebook come and join us. Even if you only lurk you will find support.
Good luck with your detox. A better life awaits I promise you x

Northernsoullover thanks. In a way I think I'm already sold on the idea of quitting, although knowing it will be difficult. My biggest problem right now is that I can't get on with it; very frustrating to have to wait like this.

Plenty of water, milk, Vitamin B, Thiamine, Vitamin C. If you like Marmite, that is excellent.

Keep it up, you'll be fine.

But support once I've kicked the actual physical addiction is going to be absolutely crucial. Social drinking isn't my biggest problem, it's dealing with anxiety at home, with work and due to things from my past. I constantly just try to get rid of pain.

I really enjoyed just listening to the Aussie blokes talking about the Alan Carr book. They did a great job of summing it up, thanks for the link. I made loads of notes, with my ridiculously shaky hands. I just really want to be able to do it now.

LizFlowers - the drug and alcohol team have put me onto vitamin B supplements. I love marmite - why is it particularly good?

Medicated is a physical process. You won't feel great but you will be ok as long as you don't attempt to drink during the process. If you do you could be very ill indeed.

The key is not getting dry but staying dry. Is is much harder and you will need support. AA will accept you now as even if you are still drinking you have expressed a desire to stop.

Caveat. I am not an alcoholic but have spent many years supporting a close family member who has dried out many times but always relapses. It is very hard for everyone and you need to be determined to stick with it. The emotional desire to drink is infinitely stronger than the physical one

Good luck.

Drinking to numb mental pain, past trauma, anxiety is sadly very common. When you spoke to your GP did you talk about why you drink? I'm just thinking some longer term help/support around the reasons you drink could also he very helpful. A physician called Gabor Maté has written a lot about trauma and addiction, you may find it interesting/helpful further down the line.

www.bbc.co.uk/ideas/videos/addiction-is-a-response-to-emotional-pain/p07tnh6m

Best wishes

Hi OP i was drinking an awful lot typically around 15 units a day some days nearly 30 units. I got in touch with an organisation called cgl in October I then stabilised my drinking at about 10 units a day for a month then down to 7.5 units for 2 weeks then spoke to the alcohol nurse who advised reducing further and did that for 10 days then stopped now 2 months sober. I am attending peer support and mindfulness groups run by cgl and also do a programme called Breaking Free which is very helpful and addresses your psychological triggers for drinking. So I didn't do an actual detox as still had to work etc. The cravings were bad in the beginning and when it got really bad I just went to bed and pulled the covers over cried if I had to. Now its more a question of realising that there were strong emotional and psychological reasons for picking up and working on these. The group is very helpful in this respect . People are right the detox will just be the start of the process and you'll likely need a long term plan and support to stay sober. Best of luck

@TimeToStop

I really enjoyed just listening to the Aussie blokes talking about the Alan Carr book. They did a great job of summing it up, thanks for the link. I made loads of notes, with my ridiculously shaky hands. I just really want to be able to do it now.

It’s good isn’t it? I know a lot of Aussie’s and they have a drinking culture like us. Them saying they started the book with zero intention to quit is quite interesting in itself. I was worried about socialising and I’ve yet to put that to the test. However, a lot of my drinking was about stress and ‘needing’ it to unwind. That was BS to put it bluntly. I’m much less stressed without it and whilst stuff still winds me up Om much better equipped to deal with it. Plus no one can say I’m saying something because I’m drunk!

The aussie guys only do a synopsis though so it may be worthwhile you getting the actual book - it may be available on audible too if that’s your thing. I quite like listening to this kind of thing when I’m dog walking. Trying to read in the house means I read the same line 20 times as I’m constantly interrupted.

Huge well done @Frederik33 you’ve had quite a journey!

Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate all your advice.

Frederik33 I have thought long and hard about trying to reduce rather than detox but I think I'm just way too far along the line now to be able to. My withdrawal symptoms at 4/5am when I get up are dreadful - sweating profusely, shaking everywhere, heart pounding and the most horrendous dreadful anxiety. I can't do anything at all until I have a drink, well a few drinks, and somewhere around 11am I feel almost slightly normal but that would be after probably 1/4 bottle of whisky, some wine. I've been trying to drink lager instead but it just isn't strong enough. I think I am on over 30 units a day now in general. I think the chemical detox is the only option but I really am aware of how hard it will be afterwards and how much support I will need.

The thing is, I can't start to access anything much, whilst I'm in this awful state of drinking / withdrawal. I can barely concentrate on anything at all.

It's like the first step - I have to break that cycle and then I can start actually fighting.

Hi op yes I completely understand how you feel and the physical problems are very daunting. I imagine you will be prescribed librium? Again, the very best of luck.

Staying Vigilant thank you for your kind words.

Yes, librium. I'd really like to know what to expect from it; how much it will help me with the withdrawal symptoms.

Hi op as regards the librium I would ask your drugs and alcohol service.

There's some YouTube stuff on withdrawal.

Hi OP,
In my experience librium was a godsend. It just took the edge off, calmed me down, helped me sleep. I had a similar drinking pattern to you- starting first thing in the morning and continually topping up, never really drunk, never sober. I came off it many times, many ways, before getting to 3.5 years alcohol free. The times i had librium were definitely easier, with fewer nasty withdrawal symptoms.
I really feel for you at the moment. Such a difficult time for you. You are doing the right thing. It doesn't all come together immediately, but you're on your way to a much easier and fuller life. You think the battle is giving up drinking and living without alcohol. But it's not. The battle is living the way you do now, getting through every day with this terrible weight dragging you down, trying to hold down a family, a job?, a life and a drink problem. If you've survived juggling all that, living without alcohol will be a breeze! (Once you get used to it).
Good luck!!!

JCBluebell thank you for this. The trouble for me at the moment is definitely the withdrawal feelings, in the morning in particular. It is just horrendous, the worst they've ever been at the moment. It sounds like you will understand what I mean. There's the physical stuff like the shakes, running to the bathroom, total inability to even think, sweating, muscle cramp but also just the utterly awful anxiety which I think is central nervous system isn't it? Like the feeling of being the the most scary rollercoaster, close to panic, unable to get off it. And I just want out of that so badly. I'm really scared they will cancel my detox next week and I don't know how I'm going to cope with that.

And yes, I am trying to hold down a job and run a home although that is getting very chaotic now - can't seem to get a load of washing sorted right now. I'm worried my dd is suffering and I can't help because I can't THINK. I'm waiting for someone at work to notice how utterly poor my output is at the moment. I think I'm close to completely crashing soon.

HI OP. I have been through this. Same pattern and level of drinking as you. The mornings were hell the anxiety and shaking and i knew just how to fix them, and it terrified me that i HAD to drink just to feel normal. I detoxed at home with diazepam which i think has a similar effect as librium though i don't know for sure. The first 2 days were the hardest, the benzodiazepines do definitely take the edge off the usual withdrawal but i still had crippling anxiety, some dry heaving, muscle aches from the withdrawal agitation. But, it got better. On the 3rd day I could fall asleep again relatively normally. I didn't have any withdrawal after 48hrs - all of it gone and I guess my brain began to recallibrate slowly. After about a week I started to sleep through the night 9 solid hours. I even had real dreams again, I hadn't realised they had been absent. I was free though, it really felt like that. actually free from the carousel of withdrawal and self medication which i felt had me trapped and i didn't know exactly how to get off of it. I tried myself to stop and to taper off none of it worked it had to be a clean break. Without the physical dependence I actually had a choice again. After the withdrawal is done there is going to still be work to do - a lot of it is habit, but you may well need support and possibly some help with the real anxiety that may be underlying it all. I want to honestly give you hope it can be done and that the first week when it can feel like an absolute mountain is worth it. Your dd may not really be aware, i know my kids weren't and I am so grateful for that, but I know that i can now be Mummy, all the time. I can also be the real me. No guilt, no apologies, no regrets. I wish you so much luck. You will soon be free too X

Hi OP,
Do you think maybe a little time off work until after your detox would help? Or is it helpful to you to focus on work at the mo? Are you working from home or actually going to work?

Yes, the mornings are hell. The shakes, running to bathroom, feeling your muscles don't work and anxiety. I used to wish every minute away, clock watching all day, longing for the day to be over. I think for me, that's one of the most beautiful and dramatic changes in my life. I never wish a second of it away now. Life will always have it's challenges of course, but i'm so relieved to be living through it rather than finding each moment unbearable.
And as VoldemortsKitten says, the first couple of days are the worst. The withdrawals will pass, if you let them.
As for your daughter, if she is aware of what's happening (and she may not be), you can't waste your energy feeling guilty. You're facing up to it now and you should be proud. You will be able to support your daughter again in the ways you want and be the mum you want to be. But you have to fit your own life jacket first.
You seem determined, OP. You're going to get through this.