Drinking WAY too much and need to detox - any shared experiences?

[TimeToStop]

I'm a daily drinker and have been for absolutely years. Since the start of lockdown 1 I've gone from drinking around half a bottle of wine or a couple of beers a day to now drinking 1/4 bottle of spirits, a bottle of wine and maybe also a few beers. Because I drink all the time, I don't get drunk any more, it's a steady drip feed of alcohol through the day. My sleep is appalling; up around 4/5 am after 3 hours sleep and then I need to have my first drink to steady the withdrawal.

I'm supposed to be working from home but I'm really beginning to fail in that and I am desperate to stop. I stopped in February 2019 for 3 months - it was sort of enforced as I was very unwell and in hospital for 3 weeks with an ovarian abscess. I felt so much better. Since then it crept up from a beer at the end of the day to where I am now.

I've spoken to my GP and been put in contact with my local drug and alcohol service as I'm drinking too much to safely stop on my own now. I'm scheduled to do a community detox on February 8th and I wondered if anybody here has done this and what it's like? I'm so nervous about it.

Bakedbeanhead I find it rather difficult to think of myself as an inspiration after having been such a bloody mess! But thank you for saying that and I hope you're feeling much better after your two weeks off. I think you're making totally the right decision. Someone said to me today that alcoholism is a progressive illness and it certainly was with me. If I'd stopped a long time ago, I could have saved myself some really awful times. Love and positive vibes to you too x

You most certainly are an inspiration. I have stayed dry on this journey with you too... longest I’ve gone whilst not pregnant or breastfeeding. I have a very close friend who is very poorly with addiction. Much worse than you were, can’t work, social services involvement etc. She can’t acknowledge her problem, the addiction is too strong. You’ve just gone through one of the hardest things... stopping drinking and detoxing. You’re two weeks out of it now! You’ve been really positive, and strong. It’s really amazing...
All credit to you x x

Thank you x

OP, you're right it's progressive, and yes, stopping sooner could have spared you some awful times, but that's a lot easier to see with hindsight. The thing to focus on is that stopping now is saving you from much worse times ahead. Your future self is thanking you!
You are all inspirational. @TimeToStop,
@Hemlock2013, @Bakedbeanhead, @McHoops, @BillieSpain and anyone else here who's put down the drink for the last couple of weeks, and those who have been doing it for longer, and those who are showing their heartfelt support here, whether you've been through it or not. This thread will continue to be an inspiration for people for a long time to come.

How are things today, OP?

Hi there, still sober. I wish I could sleep better, that’s my only thing right now, but SO glad not to be drinking.

You’re doing amazingly well Op! Hope tonight brings better sleep.

Well done! You have a great attitude, despite being under-slept. I hope you get some decent sleep soon. Take care of yourself.

I hope you are sleeping a bit better Time to Stop. Sleep is a problem for me too. I have been reading all of your posts and have been af myself for a few weeks, inspired by all of you. I have been drinking for much longer and consuming far greater quantities than I have read here. A wimp by nature, I can stand up for the underdog when drunk so it is also an emotional crutch!
My admiration goes out to you all.

tangowiththetrafficpolice have you found that your sleep has improved since you stopped drinking? I was sure that would happen with me because it was one of the things I really enjoyed when I stopped drinking a few years ago for a few months. But not this time, I'm very lucky if I manage 5 hours at night. And I can't seem to sleep in the afternoon any more. Having said that, I've been at my desk since 5am this morning and it's WAY different to how it used to be when that would involve getting through the first few whiskies just to 'get normal.' And crying and feeling hopeless. Now I'm wide awake but in a much better way. Can't believe it will be 3 weeks tomorrow! When it's a month, I might celebrate with a drink ...

JOKING!

Time to stop, thank you for your response. I am so in awe of your success. You sounded so scared. I admire your bravery in facing your demons. There are so many honest and supportive posters on here, each with a story, some further along the road that others, all facing up to their addiction- I think it is the kindest forum I have posted on.

I'm just placemarking because I need to come back to this post.

It is an incredibly kind thread and quite unexpectedly so.

Yes, I was absolutely terrified about the detox process but I had to throw myself into it because the last 6 months, in particular, were just awful. I'm glad I did it that way rather than try to cut down because I'd never have managed that, my physical and mental addiction was too strong. I needed to stop and commit to being stopped.

Yesterday, despite being knackered due to awful sleep, I had a day where until the mid-evening I barely even thought about having a drink. That's the first day that I've had that. I felt oddly calm all day. And there are things going on which are stressful - dd's boyfriend told her he was "thinking of breaking up with her" which had her in tears for hours. Normally that would have me racing for a bottle but I was able to be much more supportive and calm for her. It's funny how I used to think alcohol helped my anxiety when actually it just escalated every emotion. And I had a Zoom meeting with neighbours and they were all drinking, including dh right next to me, but it didn't bother me at all. Actually his beer smelt so strong! It reminded me of being a kid and going into a pub with my parents and how strong the beer smelled. I haven't noticed that for years.

Thanks everyone for all the support, it really has helped a LOT.

First time reading this thread and I just wanted to say how well you are doing OP .
My experience with alcohol is similar to yours, I am now 19 months sober. Some times emotions are hard to deal with, but I can hand on heart say there is NOTHING in my life that hasn't improved by being sober. Keep going and you will find more and more magic.

Every post is just better and stronger! Nice work @TimeToStop. I’m sure sleep will gradually improve, nothing lasts forever. It’s just part of the process x x

Fantastic @TimeToStop.

You really just get on with things don't you?

Strong woman.

How has today gone "Time to Stop"? It's more than 3 weeks now!
Have you slept any better? It's great that you went for some time without thinking about booze. Your poor daughter, poor you! We go through our kids' ups & downs with more passion than when we endured it ourselves!
Look at the army of supporters you have mustered--- every one of them rejoicing in every new moment of sobriety.

Yes, just over 3 weeks sober! It feels quite surreal. Thinking back to three weeks ago today, I was in such a state. By the time we got to the detox place I was shaking all over and in floods of tears.

I was reflecting yesterday on how being in lockdown was definitely the worst thing for a drinker - stress, being home, access to drinking all day etc. But now, it's the best for getting sober. I'm wondering how it will be when everything starts to open up again and hoping I manage to stay strong when it does. Socialising will open up again as well as more stressful work things. So I'm getting ready for that. I mean I've proved to myself that some trigger things aren't triggers any more when you do them a few times in a different way so I guess it will be the first time of doing things that will be the hardest. The weekly Zoom with my neighbours seems not difficult at all already without alcohol.

The worst times are definitely when someone upsets me or I feel confused. A mint humbug doesn't quite cut it in the same way as an alcoholic drink. But whenever I feel at all tempted, I instantly conjure up the image of me at 4am, bewildered, feeling absolutely awful, wishing for anything to get me out of the prison I was in. And bad moments always pass.

You guys have been absolutely utterly totally awesome xxx

Hi OP,
You certainly have come a long way!
That's so brilliant that you managed not to even think about drink for so long. And yes, keep those awful 4am memories in the back of your mind to call upon as a handy deterrent!
I remember the smell of other people's drinks becoming really pungent when i stopped drinking. A sip of beer on someone's breath smelt like rocket fuel. I dread to think how my breath used to smell to others.
I hope your daughter is ok. Well done for being able to support her so well.
I love Sharonthecat's reassurance that there is nothing in her life that hasn't improved with being sober. I would second that!
Fantastic work and resolve, OP. Keep on doing what you're doing.
X

P.s. A prison is right!! You write very expressively, OP.

Lovely stuff @TimeToStop! Three weeks is incredible progress. Not missing booze on the neighbours zoom is awesome.

Any other positives you can document here? In appearance, mood etc?

How is the sleep situation? X

Well, mood is generally all the time calmer. I don't escalate to full on tears, anger or frustration at the speed I did when drinking. I feel a bit 'flat' at times, I suppose, without those extremes of emotion. I'm getting on with work stuff more effectively and dealing with dd's various teenage issues much more calmly. On Saturday, when it was sunny, for a lot of the day I felt suddenly really completely at peace and happy, centred in myself - not sure if that makes sense. I'm not sure if I've ever felt that before, certainly not whilst I was drinking.

Appearance - I think because the sleep is still so bad that that might be getting in the way of changes to my appearance because, honestly, I look knackered! But I've lost around 10lbs I reckon - not a big weight scales person so I'm not entirely sure what I was before I detoxed but I know roughly what I was and I'm definitely lighter, clothes feel different too. I don't have horrible swelling around my ankles any more, which was getting quite bad, especially on the left ankle.

I'll try to think of other things as the day goes on ... the main thing is that, even though I'm still awake at bloody 4.30am every day, I'm awake in a completely different frame of mind. Talking to the detox folk, they think that I was in such a pattern of short sleep that it will take a while for my body to adjust / reset. I hope I haven't done permanent damage. I had blood tests done yesterday just to check there are no major deficiencies and my thyroid is okay.

They are all positives!
Is gp reluctant to prescribe sleepers? It could break the cycle and surely a week's pills must be a better outlook for a patient than a week's booze.
Let's hope good sleep comes soon, it is amazing what it can do for mood & optimism. Dreading bedtime cos you can't sleep or wake up too soon does not help when trying to tackle alcohol dependence.
You are doing superbly, as are all the other brave contributors.

Another plus is that I no longer get cramp constantly. It was getting SO bad and would often wake me up in the night in my shins, front and back. But it was also happening in my fingers, toes and even ribs.

And I can write using a pen or pencil again, my hands were too shaky to do it when I was drinking.

I had my blood test results back and there are some good things and some bad things. Good is that my liver function is already nearly back to normal and my cholesterol (which was rocketing) is also nearly normal. A few other abnormalities are present but kind of slightly worrying is that I have a really high potassium level and also my platelet count is really high. I'm wondering if either of these are causing the headaches / sleeplessness so a call to the GP is on the cards today. These have never been a problem in any previous blood tests I've had so perhaps related to my body adjusting to no alcohol?

I might be able to help slightly with the high platelet count OP. I clearly remember going for a blood test around 27 or so and I had this and they asked if I drank too much and that I should ideally cut right down!

So I did. Again!

It wasn't an overly worrying thing though (as far as I can remember) Potassium? Maybe you've been eating too many bananas?

Well done OP

I think you'll notice huge changes with sleep etc around 3 months. (Now the initial huge change is over, of course)