Can a serious alcoholic go sober?

[Grotsan]

From reading this board the answer is sometimes yes. So I am going to try too.

Fwiw I have been drinking since age 11. Grew up in a household with an alcoholic who dominated everything and a mother who tried to pretend it wasn't happening. His behaviour was treated like it was fine but I couldn't tell anyone about it. He once thought I made a joke about him drinking a lot (I hadn't), I was around 7/8. He went ballistic and either ignored or was horrible to me for months afterwards as he "was only very slowly coming back into favour with me". In the end he "forgave" me and I had to accept that i did something wrong when I didn't think I had. This pattern repeated over the years. The dynamic really messed me up and I have more issues going than drinking. I'm 38 now. I only mention the above because years and years of all that and me being an alcoholic now seems like a hell of a coincidence. Obviously, it's no one else's choice/fault. Only I pick the drink up and only I can put it down.

I'm not in denial and I'm not someone who needs to cut back before I've got a problem or would just like a small break for reassurance. I am 100% really really deep into drinking. It's every day and it's alot. I wfh and always have done even straight out of uni at 23. This kind of enables me I suppose you could say. If I had a 9-5 job I would have been fired long ago. It's got worse over lockdown and during the last 2 years NC with my parents.

I've been to therapy 3 times and never really got anywhere with it. Same with trying to talk to GP. Especially when I was younger it all seemed to get chalked up to, oh you're young, you're at uni, it;s summer, it's Christmas, you got drunk big deal, get over yourself. Like I was exaggerating. It took me alot to work up to going therapy/GP and I don't think I could do it now. I currently drink 3 bottles of wine a day. I sometimes manage to stick to 2. The most I can drink is around 4 or on a really bad day 5. I rarely if ever have a day off it.

A few years back I cleaned up massively. I was still drinking what most people would think was a huge amount, I think it was 4 bottles over the week and one day where I had 3 to get the urge out of my system. I got really physically fit, ate well etc. Now I can barely walk around without being out of breath and am obese. An injury stopped me from running and that sort of started off a downward spiral, running sort of replaced drinking for a while. Then a load more shite happened.

I have just opened bottle number 2. I bought 4 today.I didn't have a drink this morning. It's true that's because there wasn't one there...but on the upside that was intentional, I made sure there wasn't extra yesterday.

The bar is low. But maybe if I can do a little better every day? I plan to post on here every day and see where I can get to in a year.

Thanks for reading if you have.

I did! I was drinking at least half a litre of gin a day.

But you have to want to. And you have to stop kidding yourself that you can "cut down".

Prepare yourself. Some people will advise going to AA. That might well work for you! I listened to a lot of Quit Lit, and listened to Allan Carr's The Easyway To Control Alcohol.

Don't kid yourself that you can do it without help. Set about finding the help that you need. You can do it!

And I mean, half a litre of gin, seven days a week, was my basic level. often it was more. That was up to this February, and I've barely touched a drop since.

So, yes, you can do it! Plenty of us alkies have

I did it OP. I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day. I lost three jobs because of it. It was over the course of about 7 years. I'm also 38.

I quit over 8 years ago when I was trying for a baby. I now have two healthy and happy boys. I've stayed sober apart from around 4 relapses that lasted one evening each over the last eight years and the last one was two and a half years ago.

If I can do it, you can too! I'd be dead now if I hadn't given up. I've lost weight and my liver function is normal. I just thought, I am going to die if I carry on and it scared me into quitting, that and I found I wanted a family and a "normal life".

I didn't go to AA either. I tried with some groups but they were so cliched I found I couldn't take it seriously so I did it alone. Do what's right for you and take it one day at a time.

I did it. At the very end when I had a complete alcohol induced breakdown I was drinking a litre of vodka a day, my career was in tatters.

I did therapy. I did in patient. I told everyone else that the alcohol was the solution to all the problems.

Nope. Alcohol was the issue and had been for years.

I’m 38 and nearly 5 years sober. I got sober with the priory and AA.

Your post is pretty much step one anyway!

Allan Car worked for me. Not had a drink in 3 years. Don’t miss it at all.

You got this

But maybe if I can do a little better every day? I plan to post on here every day and see where I can get to in a year.

Well I would say, if you're trying to get "a little better every day", you won't get anywhere in a year. Cutting down, for people like us, doesn't work.

You've got to stop drinking. Read or listen to Allan Carr. And follow his instructions!

Or go to AA. Or read/listen to any of the other good books out there.

But don't bother with the mental struggle of "cutting down". It is far, far easier to stop altogether. And it's fab!

Well done for reaching out, you know this is serious, go to AA.. I was where you are now three years ago and haven't looked back

@PaperTowels I 100% don't mean this how it sounds... but it's good (?) to hear from people who had a serious issue because the advice around just kind of drinking a bit more than sensible doesn't really connect for me.

You quit this Feb and are sober now? That's amazing. I think this is the first time in my life I've actually wanted to quit. Before I wanted to want to, if that makes sense.

I'll look up Allan Carr.

I understand if you don't want to answer this but what prompted you to tackle your problem?

@Flaunch It's great that you don't miss it at all, that's where I need to get to!

could you try to take little walks every day.
running is not the only exercise.
walking can help with mood too. even just a stroll, to make the effort to go outside, get some fresh air.
i wish you well.

[quote Grotsan]@PaperTowels I 100% don't mean this how it sounds... but it's good (?) to hear from people who had a serious issue because the advice around just kind of drinking a bit more than sensible doesn't really connect for me.

You quit this Feb and are sober now? That's amazing. I think this is the first time in my life I've actually wanted to quit. Before I wanted to want to, if that makes sense.

I'll look up Allan Carr.

I understand if you don't want to answer this but what prompted you to tackle your problem?[/quote]
Thinking about it, I actually quit in March - one week into lockdown. I had been doing the work, listening to a lot of Quit Lit, then finally committing to listen to Allan Carr all the way through. I did that on walks and it took about a week. Then, on the Sunday, I followed his instructions and stopped drinking. (He has a special way of doing it.)

Having done my research via others who've been through it and written about it, I knew what things would be difficult (sitting with your feelings) and that feeling awkward and a bit grumpy was no problem. I had lots of long baths in the evenings!

And now, we have booze in the house - gin, even! - and I don't drink it. Because I don't want to.

As to your question of what prompted me to tackle my problem - same as you, really. It had taken over my life and I didn't want to be addicted any more.

DH went into rehab 27 years ago and has been sober ever since.

Ultimately, it's down to you but as you've admitted you have a problem with alcohol, why not try getting some proper support from trained addiction counsellors?

If you want some books to read/listen to, I recommend these. I listened to them in this order:

The Unexpected Joy Of Being Sober
The Sober Diaries
Sober Curious
ALLAN CARR'S EASYWAY TO CONTROL ALCOHOL - very important
Alcohol Explained
Alcohol Explained 2

Also listened to:

Quit Like A Woman
We Are The Luckiest
Drink? - The New Science Of Alcohol And Your Health

So on day 1 I made it through to half seven pm when I started to sweat, shake, felt weak, heart started thundering and I couldn't focus or concentrate. I don't even mean a little fuzzy I mean actually couldn't function. I got a deliveroo, 3 bottles of wine. After 1 bottle the symptoms eased down. I drank the other 2 because they were there.

I normally start drinking much earlier, around 3pm.

All in all not great but tbh better in a few ways than I've been for a long time.

Tonight I'm going to buy two bottles of wine. I'm also going to try and wait til the actual evening to drink them and gauge how I feel. I do understand what people are saying about stopping versus cutting down but I think I'm going to need a run up to that.

@Drogonssmile congratulations on quitting, and on your family :) Yeah, I have nothing against the idea of groups but I don't think it's the way forward for me. Although, this thread is kind of like my AA!

Don't take this lightly, I say this as someone who has a questionable relationship with alcohol myself. My mother was an alcoholic, my father enabled it. I am left with a very co-dependent personality, low self esteem and serious anxiety. I drink too much wine. Usually about 25 units a week. I have to keep an eye on it, it's too easy to drink more.

You are drinking 3 bottles a day (at least). That's over 230 units a week. That's killing you. PLEASE go to your GP, don't try to do this alone.

Look at some Facebook groups, Dry Days, Club Soda has an alcohol free group or one for people cutting down.

Good luck OP you have recognised it is a problem. Personally I think if you have a problem with alcohol the best way is not to drink at all.

@Lottieis44 at the amount the OP is drinking she cannot just stop. She needs help. Stopping cold turkey from that level can lead to grand mal convulsions, confusion, agitation, hallucinations, and tremors, individuals may also experience dangerously high fevers. hyperthermia, cardiac arrhythmias. Medical advice is urgent here @Grotsan

Sorry, name change fail above.

@ScatteredMama82 I am definitely taking it seriously. The co-dependence, low self esteem and anxiety really resonates for me.

Thanks @Lottieis44 I'll have a look at those.

All that shaking, sweating etc was probably psychosomatic. Did you feel better, more relaxed, less shaky, the minute you had taken the decision to order the wine? I bet you did.

Anyway, deep down you know you've got to stop completely. The point is, if you do the work, you will want to stop, so you won't see it as "deprivation".

And did you feel better once you had your first sip of wine? More relaxed, less shaky?

@PaperTowels it's not psychosomatic for goodness sake, it's withdrawal symptoms. They are real and very dangerous. Yes, ultimately she has to stop completely, but not without medical supervision.

My mum did it. She started drinking at 14 and quit at 37 - only after her drinking drove me to a serious suicide attempt at age 15.

That was 27 years ago and she hasn't had a drink since that day. She goes to AA - still attends meetings twice a week.