Can a serious alcoholic go sober?

[Grotsan]

From reading this board the answer is sometimes yes. So I am going to try too.

Fwiw I have been drinking since age 11. Grew up in a household with an alcoholic who dominated everything and a mother who tried to pretend it wasn't happening. His behaviour was treated like it was fine but I couldn't tell anyone about it. He once thought I made a joke about him drinking a lot (I hadn't), I was around 7/8. He went ballistic and either ignored or was horrible to me for months afterwards as he "was only very slowly coming back into favour with me". In the end he "forgave" me and I had to accept that i did something wrong when I didn't think I had. This pattern repeated over the years. The dynamic really messed me up and I have more issues going than drinking. I'm 38 now. I only mention the above because years and years of all that and me being an alcoholic now seems like a hell of a coincidence. Obviously, it's no one else's choice/fault. Only I pick the drink up and only I can put it down.

I'm not in denial and I'm not someone who needs to cut back before I've got a problem or would just like a small break for reassurance. I am 100% really really deep into drinking. It's every day and it's alot. I wfh and always have done even straight out of uni at 23. This kind of enables me I suppose you could say. If I had a 9-5 job I would have been fired long ago. It's got worse over lockdown and during the last 2 years NC with my parents.

I've been to therapy 3 times and never really got anywhere with it. Same with trying to talk to GP. Especially when I was younger it all seemed to get chalked up to, oh you're young, you're at uni, it;s summer, it's Christmas, you got drunk big deal, get over yourself. Like I was exaggerating. It took me alot to work up to going therapy/GP and I don't think I could do it now. I currently drink 3 bottles of wine a day. I sometimes manage to stick to 2. The most I can drink is around 4 or on a really bad day 5. I rarely if ever have a day off it.

A few years back I cleaned up massively. I was still drinking what most people would think was a huge amount, I think it was 4 bottles over the week and one day where I had 3 to get the urge out of my system. I got really physically fit, ate well etc. Now I can barely walk around without being out of breath and am obese. An injury stopped me from running and that sort of started off a downward spiral, running sort of replaced drinking for a while. Then a load more shite happened.

I have just opened bottle number 2. I bought 4 today.I didn't have a drink this morning. It's true that's because there wasn't one there...but on the upside that was intentional, I made sure there wasn't extra yesterday.

The bar is low. But maybe if I can do a little better every day? I plan to post on here every day and see where I can get to in a year.

Thanks for reading if you have.

Unless you can taper, you might need a medical detox at the levels you are drinking. My ex husband had convulsions whenever he tried to stop. He was drinking your levels. Try and drink one bottle tonight. See how you go.

Good luck. You can do it. There's loads of good support groups on Facebook too.

@PaperTowels I know what you mean but it was very physical. The first sip made no difference. I felt a bit better after getting through 1.

@PaperTowels 1 bottle that is.

[quote ScatteredMama82]@PaperTowels it's not psychosomatic for goodness sake, it's withdrawal symptoms. They are real and very dangerous. Yes, ultimately she has to stop completely, but not without medical supervision.[/quote]

Totally agree with this. My mum's withdrawal symptoms were so severe she ended up being rushed into hospital. It's a physical as well as mental addiction.

From your reaction to abstinence should you not consider speaking to your GP or an addiction agency about tapering down safely?

Keep going OP

My husband is an alcoholic. Long periods of sobriety peppered with a relapse here and there. The relapses are bad and they last about 1-2 weeks before entering a 6-9+ month period of sobriety. His last relapse he had to gradually cut down on the alcohol because his physical withdrawal was making him very ill.

AA didn't quite work for him but he is in regular therapy now which is helping.

It sounds like you're living alone OP. I really think you need to access medical advice and support for your own safety. And also some kind of emotional support - my heart goes out to the poor little soul of your childhood. I really wish you all the very best

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal- that’s wonderful (not what you went through first), that your mum’s love gave her the willpower to put you before alcohol. I hear so many kids who know that they come second ☹️.

Hi OP

I couldn’t read this without commenting.

Please don’t do this without help from your GP/a medical professional. You are more than likely physically dependant on alcohol - I think yesterday pretty much proved that.

My uncle decided to quit cold turkey - by around 8pm on the first day he went into complete cardiac arrest. If he hadn’t been lucky enough to have his sister in law who was a nurse living next door there’s a good chance he wouldn’t be here.

Please go to your GP

[quote Grotsan]@PaperTowels I know what you mean but it was very physical. The first sip made no difference. I felt a bit better after getting through 1.[/quote]
Well I guess, as the others have said, that you need help in physically cutting down, quite apart from the mental effort. But once the initial physical withdrawal symptoms have been dealt with, the only battle is the mental one. Which is where you will need more support, such as AA, rehab, and/or a lot of reading.

I am not suggesting she immediately stop drinking @ScatteredMama82 , I am well aware of the risk of seizures from alcohol withdrawal. Op has already said she is weaning herself off which is great progress. I mean long term.

I believe people who have a problem with alcohol myself included, are best avoiding it altogether. It is almost as if we are allergic to it, we do not react to it in the same way as someone who does not have a problem.

I am glad you are going to have a look at the Facebook pages OP. I find just reading about others in similar situations really helps. Feel free to PM me if you want any help.

Ok, so day 2. I started to feel like shit around 4.30pm, shaky and not able to think clearly to the point where putting a jar back in the fridge was really hard because I couldn't get my brain to sort of ...connect. I ordered up 2 bottles of wine at 5pm, didn't want to let it get as bad as yesterday, and have had one so far (7.30pm). So very slowly, for me. I don't feel great by any means but just about functional. The thought that I've "only" got one more is really making me irritable.

I think it's worth pointing out for the record that 3 bottles of wine has been my "normal night" for a while now. Actually getting wrecked would mean way more than that. Especially when going out to a pub has been involved (obviously not currently) I would probably get wrecked and come home to 2 bottles of wine...at least. So, for me this amount of alcohol is not about being drunk really. I usually try and avoid spirits because if I have say vodka and coke I just drink it like a coke and it's the end of days. I have had spirits often this year though.

@LimpidPools thanks for the good wishes. I do actually live with my partner so there is someone here. He is aware of my problem and it's severity. I've not told him about this 365 day mission.

@FlappyFish congratulations :) Is step one admitting addiction? I have to say I find the line which I think is from AA "I am powerless over my addiction" to be a bit ...odd. Surely that's a bad thing. I also don't believe in any religion/higher power or anything else. Maybe I've misinterpreted?

That's great @Flaunch :)

You don't ahve to do AA, but it does seem to work for a lot of people.

I didn't, for the same reasons you're finding.

The reason that you can drink so much without getting "drunk" is that your poor body has built up tolerance, which is really bad. The first book you should read is Alcohol Explained. It explains well what your body goes through.

@PaperTowels yeah I presume AA is well known for a good reason. My tolerance is certainly very big at the moment.

@whiteflat48 well done. I'd love to have a very different life in 3 years.

Thanks @alexdgr8 I'm definitely going to try and walk everyday.

I am an Alcoholic,I have been sober nearly 18 years.I couldn’t do it on my own.

I once stopped drinking for three years without any help,but I started again and it got worse.

I have been a member of AA and haven’t drank since my first meeting.There are thousands of meetings on Zoom at the moment and lots of Facebook pages.Lots of people have joined since lockdown began and there are meetings especially for new people.

Happy to help if you want to know anything,feel free to PM me.

How did you do yesterday, OP?

Have you bought any books yet, or gone to an online meeting?

How u doing now? Did you manage to keep carrying on OP?

Hope you are well