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Dh pressurising me to drink less
39

CottagePied · 09/10/2018 10:13

He’s doing stop-tober and wants me to join him.
I think it’s his way of getting me to stop drinking.
Most nights I drink 4 beers I know it’s not good for me but I enjoy it and don’t think I’m ready to stop altogether.
I feel annoyed by his nagging tbh

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Bombardier25966 · 09/10/2018 10:17

He's got a point. That's at least three times the recommended allowance for women.

Don't you want to cut down? Why the need to drink so much, are you using it to block things out?

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CottagePied · 09/10/2018 10:20

I would like to lose weight and I do think about the empty calories but I enjoy having a drink and wind down at the end of the day it’s my way of relaxing.

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mrbob · 09/10/2018 10:26

Why do you think you are so bothered about him trying to encourage you to cut down? Usually that is a little message to your brain that maybe he has a point...

The CAGE questionnaire might help
Have you ever felt like you should Cut down on your alcohol?
Have you ever been Annoyed by suggestions you should cut down?
Have you ever felt Guilty about your drinking?
Do you ever need an Eye opener in the morning?

If the answer to any of these is yes then you need to take a hard and honest look at your drinking and ask yourself why it is a problem. We all use excuses for doing unhealthy things. Your is "I need it to relax" You don't. There are lots of other ways of relaxing. You are addicted and have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol that he is clearly worried about.
Maybe it is worth a chat with a professional

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Bombardier25966 · 09/10/2018 10:26

If weight loss is a motivation look at the amount of calories you're consuming and think how losing them would convert to weight loss.

If a can of beer has 200 calories, that's 800 calories a day.

How about cutting down to 2 a day and see how you feel?

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greendale17 · 09/10/2018 10:27

4 beers a night??? I am with your husband on this

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twattymctwatterson · 09/10/2018 10:29

It sounds like you have a problem tbh

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Pebblespony · 09/10/2018 10:29

Nobody needs alcohol to relax. If you do, you have a problem.

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Fiffyshadesofgreymatter · 09/10/2018 10:32

My hope is that this is a reverse. If it is, then you are right and your husband really needs to look at his drinking because it's going to kill him.

If it's not a reverse, then the same applies to you. That's a ridiculous amount to be drinking and if you can't relax without it then you may need to start thinking about the term 'alcoholic'. You may be a functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic all the same. That's too much. Your liver will not function for the length of a natural lifetime. And if you can't understand why your partner wants you to stop, then nothing anyone else says will help.

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Hideandgo · 09/10/2018 10:33

This is what a drinking problem is, just to put it bluntly. It’s not all people vomiting and losing their shoe and abusing their partner.

It’s a tough one because even with 2-3 beers my DH is a slightly different person. Fine occasionally, even funny and cute at times, but I would utterly hate to see him altered by alcohol regularly let alone every day.

I think your DH has a very valid point.

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HollowTalk · 09/10/2018 10:36

You're spending about £30 pw on alcohol, aren't you? Can you tell us exactly how much it costs?

Can your family afford that? Does your husband have that to spend on himself?

Do you argue when you're drinking? What is your mood like? Do you wish he'd cheer up when he's not drinking?

Did you feel safer having a drinking partner?

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Lweji · 09/10/2018 10:36

Four beers is not "a drink". And it's more than wind down.

Why can't you have just one?
And if you can't, don't you think it's a problem?

How is your behaviour altered? There will be a reason he's worried and wants to encourage you to stop.

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CottagePied · 09/10/2018 10:40

4 beers would probably equate to 2 wines maybe so while it’s not ideal I don’t think it will kill me.
I think the calorie aspect would be more motivating to me so maybe I need to focus on that. I don’t think I’m a functioning alcoholic, I don’t ever drink in the day, never around the kids, I think I’ve got into a bad habit over the last year instead of having 1/2 beers 3-4 days per week it’s slowing increased.
I think if I could cut down to drinking only 3 nights a week again that would be fine.
Thank you for the feedback

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CottagePied · 09/10/2018 10:42

We can afford it but equally the money could be put to better use so that’s a good angle too I suppose if I think of money saved.
I don’t think it does alter my behaviour at all it helps me to fall asleep that’s probably it.

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Oblomov18 · 09/10/2018 10:43

Actually I disagree. just because someone does dry January, or sober October, they shouldn't pressurise others.
When I do dry January I don't pressurise Dh.

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mrbob · 09/10/2018 10:44

Then cut down to 1 beer 3 days a week. If you don't have a problem that will be easy...

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IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 09/10/2018 10:45

This is alchohol support right? Not AIBU?
Just checking.
OP you probably feel totally normal when you drink on the evenings because your tolerance will need quite high.
Maybe just see if going 1 day without drinking anything is easy or not. If it's easy then try a week just to make sure you can, and if that's doable them why not do the month? What have you got to lose?
Note down how you feel, if you feel different etc. Try and find alternative methods of relaxation.
If it's really hard, then think about extra support. The dry and Brave Babes threads are very popular on here if you want online sober buddies, and for tips on distraction activities and non alcoholic alternative drinks.

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thenightsky · 09/10/2018 10:47

I'll go against the majority here and say its entirely your choice to cut down, if you want and when you want. Nagging people only causes them to shut down from listening.

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Bombardier25966 · 09/10/2018 10:53

4 beers would probably equate to 2 wines maybe so while it’s not ideal I don’t think it will kill me.

Are they very tiny beers?

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otterturk · 09/10/2018 10:58

That's a hell of a lot to have every night.

Are you overweight?

I like a drink but definitely with your husband here.

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otterturk · 09/10/2018 10:58

If you want to relax go for a run or a walk. It'll do a lot more for your mental state than daily alcohol.

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MerryDeath · 09/10/2018 11:01

There are much better ways to relax. It might take a little discomfort to change but focus on the long term.

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CottagePied · 09/10/2018 11:02

Far enough bomb just checked and the beers I have would equate to a bottle of wine when I drink 4 cans.
Yep otter I’ve gained 2 stone since last year size 12 to big 16 now.
I have joined a gym I could go there the evening more often.

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Stripybeachbag · 09/10/2018 11:03

You don't have an alcohol problem, just an unhealthy habit. Alcohol is habit-forming. I find that if I drink for a couple of nights in a row I really want a drink on the third night and have to consciously resist having a sneaky glass of wine.

That amount is not good for you. It won't kill you either. I wouldn't be happy with my partner drinking that, but mostly from a money and health perspective.

I agree with others that it needs to be your choice and that nagging will only make you defensive. But if you want to lose weight and support your partner, why don't you give it a go? There is nothing to lose. You will find that you will be able to relax without it after a few days. You will certainly sleep better without it too.

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IfNotNowThenWhen1 · 09/10/2018 11:04

The gym is a good idea. And get some good books in that you really want you read.

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CottagePied · 09/10/2018 11:14

Yes books are a good idea if I’m really into a good book I will go to bed early and read that’s quite relaxing.
I probably will cut out drinking in the week and just drink fri and sats and nights out for the time being feels like a compromise that would be ok for me.

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