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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Partner is an alcoholic

75 replies

overduemamma · 22/07/2017 21:33

I'm pretty certain my partner is an alcoholic but he won't admit it... he drinks 10+ cans a night of strongbow. Can spend up to at least £50 a week on cider which is out of my money (yes I know I shouldn't give him it) he doesn't work. He looks after the kids while I work. Which is fine by me as I don't mind going out to work. The problem I have is he won't admit he has a problem when I know damn well he does! What do I do? Thanks

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 24/07/2017 21:41

He's more than likely acting nice now to try and wheedle money out of you tomorrow.

Original poster
overduemamma · 24/07/2017 21:53

Good luck to him because I literally don't have any till Wednesday x

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 24/07/2017 21:59

If he DOES start withdrawing, the next 3-4 days are going to be misery. None of us knows for sure how much he's drinking - although I'd put money on it being far more than you realise - but if he's been drinking heavily for a few years, he's going to get the shakes, the sweats, disturbed sleep, nightmares, and stomach upsets. He'll probably be agitated and smell awful too.

This is pretty 'standard' withdrawal. Of course, if he starts hallucinating or seizing, then you'll need to get him to A&E so he can be medically detoxed with benzodiazepines.

This isn't to frighten you - it's just so you know what to look for if the shit DOES hit the fan. Chances are, he'll just get the shakes and a rotten gut for a few days, but you just never know x

Original poster
overduemamma · 24/07/2017 22:16

I did wonder today while he was sulking if he was starting to feel poorly and I almost caved into getting some money for him but then I thought it'll just carry on if I do it. He sweats a lot on a night anyway and has the shakes through the day. But I'll keep an eye out for the other symptoms. Thank you very much x

OP posts:
Original poster
overduemamma · 24/07/2017 22:18

I asked him how much he drinks and he reckons between 8-12 cans a night. I'd defo go with at least 12! I think he was trying to make it sound better than it is but he doesn't realise I watch him all the time. X

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 24/07/2017 22:24

Jeez that's a lot. All your posts are about him. You need to start thinking about you. You can't stop his drinking. You can change your reaction.

Original poster
overduemamma · 24/07/2017 22:30

I do you are right. I've told him no more money from me. I have a house to run, 2 kids to feed, birthdays to pay for, christening, xmas etc. I'm not funding it anymore. I don't mind the occasional drink but not every night. Jeeeez! X

OP posts:
OliviaBenson · 24/07/2017 22:34

My dad was an alcoholic and my childhood was horrific. He won't stop unless he wants to. Please don't stay with him op.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 24/07/2017 22:37

He sweats a lot on a night anyway and has the shakes through the day.

He's definitely physically dependent. Night sweats are also a sign his liver is struggling - no wonder really, it's under constant assault from all that Strongbow!

I agree with Wolfie, and have said similar things at the start of the thread: this may well be his life, but it doesn't have to be yours. Right now, your life revolves around containing the fallout from his drinking, whether it's keeping money from him, keeping tabs on how much he's having during the day, working out how you're going to feed the kids etc - that's really heartbreaking, and I've said it before, but you truly do deserve so much better than this x

ImperialBlether · 24/07/2017 22:40

Does your card use contactless payment? If it does, you might want to change it so that it doesn't, in case he gets hold of it.

Neverknowing · 25/07/2017 10:31

Oh dear op! If he's shaking he's going to have some serious withdrawal, he will probably need to go to hospital. Prepare yourself for this, a lot of my family are alcoholics and this is what happened to them. I've only known one person to fully come back from alcohol addiction and it's a very hard process, for everyone involved.
Even if he does vow to turn his life around I would kick him out until he's clean, getting clean will be a horrible journey for you and your poor kids Sad
I'm so so sorry you're in this situation, life's hard enough with two young kids I'm sure Flowers do you have friends in real life to speak to?

blueskyinmarch · 25/07/2017 19:21

How are things going tonight @overduemamma

Original poster
overduemamma · 25/07/2017 19:49

He's fine tonight. Not even mentioned it. He's currently drinking green tea! X

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 25/07/2017 19:55

Well that's very positive!

Miserylovescompany2 · 25/07/2017 20:55

...he knows you have money tomorrow! Don't let your guard down - keep your card on you at all times.

The withdrawal will start to kick in on the third day. From 12+ can to zero - ain't going to be pretty.

Please keep yourself and those little ones safe. Know your own line - draw it in the sand and DON'T let him cross it.

Good luck x

Original poster
overduemamma · 25/07/2017 22:27

This is true, he does I know I get paid tomorrow. I've changed the pin on my card and it isn't contactless. I've come to bed tonight and his pillow absolutely stinks! Oh my children will be safe, or would be the last thing he did if he ever laid his hands on them and he knows that! X

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 25/07/2017 23:18

They may be physically safe but that's not the only way an alcohol dependent parent can damage their children. He's drinking green tea tonight so tomorrow he can say "see I can go without it. I detoxed and everything" Confused

Neverknowing · 26/07/2017 18:42

How's everything been today op? How are you?

Original poster
overduemamma · 26/07/2017 21:28

Weirdly all is ok. Hasn't touched a drop today or asked me for any Confused.

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 26/07/2017 22:14

Hasn't touched a drop as far as you know.

He may well have found another way to get hold of some booze - I'd be wary, personally. Keep your wits about you, and don't be suckered in by 'But I haven't touched a drop!'

Original poster
overduemamma · 26/07/2017 22:17

No he really hasn't. We haven't been out of the house all day and there's none in the house at all. But yes I will keep my wits about me. Bank card is safely attached to me x

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 26/07/2017 22:20

So sad that this is how you are thinking. It's my normal or healthy.

Neverknowing · 27/07/2017 08:01

That's good op. I'm very surprised. Honestly sounds like he will slip back to me but as long as you're keeping an eye out and your kids are safe that's what matters !

Original poster
overduemamma · 27/07/2017 09:34

He probably will at some point. I'm definately not thinking this is going to be an easy road but I'm not giving up after been together for 10 years and have 2 beautiful kids x

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 27/07/2017 10:23

You may not want to give up on the relationship but if he won't stop then you need to. For the sake of those beautiful kids.

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