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Alcohol support

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Original poster

I want to stop .....

37 replies

PositivePete · 28/12/2015 12:25

I want to stop drinking & don't know where to start!

My DM is in AA (6.5yrs Sober) I never after 25 years thought I would see the day. So I am MORE than aware of the dangers, misery, pain & suffering of alcohol.

I don't think I am an alcoholic, but I drink too much. I can't just have one glass. I can't just have one with dinner. It has to be full blown obliteration. It's making me miserable that I do that. The guilt the next day lasts for weeks sometimes.

I can't speak to my DM as she is very bias towards AA (that's fine as she would be dead) but I don't think AA is the route for me.

I just want to not drink. Why can't I just stop it!!!!!!!!

Today it's got to me really bad, I've not drunk over Xmas so it's not like I crave it. I think I'm bored!?! But I KNOW there is more to life than this misery that alcohol brings to me.

I'm stupid, guilty & feel horrible about it all

OP posts:

AJFsmummy · 28/12/2015 21:15

I'm the same....I'm trying to give up completely. I cant stop after one. I'm sat here now drinking camomile...knowing there is fizz in the fridge xx

Wahhhh · 28/12/2015 21:20

There is loads of support out there to help you. I'm a director of a charity that offers intervention for people looking to stop or reduce their drinking. Google your local service and refer yourself- you should get a goog quality service with counselling or other one to one intervention, and a planned reduction regime. Plus group work, or peer led support if you need/want it.

Original poster

PositivePete · 29/12/2015 06:46

What support is that? If you google any kind of alcohol support AA just comes up?

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donajimena · 29/12/2015 06:51

Hi. Pop into the relationships board. There is a Dry thread (I can't link so if anyone could help me out)
Amazing support to be found on there. You can share as much or as little about yourself as you feel comfortable with.
You can do this

tribpot · 29/12/2015 07:10

Unfortunately I do think that in order to give up successfully you need to make your intentions public. Your mum needs to be told that you don't think AA is for you (although I wonder why you don't think so - is it because you don't want to wear the label of alcoholic?) I also don't attend AA but I know I would never have made it to nearly 5 years' sober if I had not been upfront about my problem with friends and family.

It sounds like you also don't need your mum in your face asking how you're getting on with it, nothing would drive me back to drink quicker than if I felt my mum was policing me. Can you start off by telling friends and not your mum? Can you engineer meetings where the subject will not crop up? I had lunch with my in-laws yesterday and no-one had a drink, I think this is much more common now at lunchtime than it used to be. (My FIL did try to give me three bottles of wine, I think he felt DH shouldn't have to miss out - I handed them back!)

The fact that once you've had one you can't stop definitely puts you in the category of problem drinker, a term you might find more comfortable. I was absolutely the same, incidentally - cutting down was just not an option for me. The book that really helped me was this one and I highly recommend it. But nothing can make you stop until you decide that you will no longer drink.

You can work up to going public with a decision to quit drinking by having a sober January, one of my brothers does this every year as a detox. Lots of people do I think. That would put you at one month, which is a decent amount of time to start to see the benefits of not drinking and to have to examine your triggers so you can work on combating them. AJFsmummy - certainly from my perspective trying to give up when there is booze in the house is next to impossible.

You need to stay alert for your triggers all the time at first, it's hard work but it means you can build up coping mechanisms to combat them. Make sure you can keep your hands busy, especially in the evening. When i first quit I used to play Animal Crossing on the Nintendo DS (love that game) and then I got back into knitting and so feel no financial benefit from having stopped drinking as yarn is more expensive than wine

I genuinely thought I could never stop. I would read posts on here from people who'd got sober and thought 'well that's okay for them but I can't manage it'. Only guess what - I could. And you can too. But you need to start to see alcohol as what it is - toxic. I would never take those bottles of wine from FIL to be polite and then give them to someone else when I got home - I won't have it in the house (wine especially), I regard it as radioactive. Good luck.

Wahhhh · 29/12/2015 08:31

Search within your local councils website for alcohol services and it should come up. If you need a hand message me.

tribpot · 29/12/2015 10:01

My local CCG has just published this story and is promoting Dry January, I bet yours is too so this is a great time to get started. I will say, though, don't fool yourself into saying you will start on January 1st, get started straight away. Every year I have to put up with FB posts from my friends who equate staying sober for 31 days as equivalent to climbing Everest, and nearly all of them say 'well obviously I don't include January 1 in 'Dry January'. Like it would kill them to stop drinking before midnight on 31 Dec! They will also then say things like 'and I've got so-and-so's birthday on 10th Jan so I'll take a night off then'. Wow. Just like Everest. I can't be arsed walking up this bit of slope so I'll take a night off and have someone carry me up. (As you can tell, my sympathy is minimal).

tribpot · 29/12/2015 10:18

Oh and (sorry to keep posting) I've just been followed by a Twitter account for this today since I retweeted the CCG.

UselessFool · 30/12/2015 13:48

I'm the same. Sitting here mortified that I can't remember putting my kids to bed last night and am too hungover to move from the sofa today. This is after friends coming round for dinner. DH isn't speaking to me and I dread to think why. I want this to stop and I never want to be drunk again. It's vile.

tribpot · 30/12/2015 14:04

Well, you start from here, UselessFool. I'd try and get out for a short walk at least to clear your head, drink plenty of water and start to plan how not to drink.

Original poster

PositivePete · 30/12/2015 14:31

I plan from now. It has stop.

My DM has zero tolerance of sympathy also.

I don't like the sound of AA as I'd be at every meeting my DM was at!?!? As you say thou, being upfront about it is maybe the best start for me.

I told a friend yesterday (sadly after reading the replies on here) I realised that I am surrounded by drinkers, surrounded by people who actually get pissed all the time. The friend I told said (who drinks) but is not a heavy drinker & also supportive remarked I should actually look at my friend group!!

It has to stop I can't go on like this. My mood is diabolical today (depressed) due to excess yesterday & I think I pissed a friend off who prob will fall by the way side now. I can't let this happen again.

It starts today, not 1 Jan. TODAY.

I am looking into the book that was recommended - thank you & I am going to see if I can get some counselling via private health care at work.

Thanks for listening all. I WILL stop this toxic bastard. I risk everything if I don't

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Original poster

PositivePete · 30/12/2015 14:41

I've just bought the book.

Disgusted with myself again :(

Sick & Tired, Sick & Tired of this feeling.

I am starting today - I am.

There is no booze in the house.

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UselessFool · 30/12/2015 15:26

That's good, have you a strategy to get through the rest of today?

I'm planning to go to bed when the dcs do and read for an hour. I am hoping my self loathing will fade with my hangover.

Dapplegrey1 · 30/12/2015 15:28

Why not give AA a go?
There are plenty of meetings so you could find one which your dm doesn't go to.

tribpot · 30/12/2015 15:31

Good point to have a strategy to manage through the rest of the day. Excellent news that there's no booze in the house. Keep those hands busy, even if it's a marathon session of solitaire on your laptop.

Original poster

PositivePete · 30/12/2015 17:39

It's actually easy to get through the day. It's picking up that first glass that BLOWS it.

I have to stay away from that first glass.

The self loathing is horrendous.

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tribpot · 30/12/2015 18:10

Keep busy whilst you go through the most dangerous period of the evening, this is usually whilst cooking tea, doing bedtime and the 'kids in bed/thank god for that' slump. Be aware your brain is likely to clang very loudly demanding wine at that point, anticipate it and be ready to distract yourself.

Original poster

PositivePete · 30/12/2015 21:19

Excellent tactic. That's exactly when it is, making tea, DS about to go to bed. Wind down etc ....

I'm in bed reading - will wake up tomorrow with NO fog. Now that's got to be better than no remembering how I got in bed!

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Roygrace · 30/12/2015 21:23

Have you looked at SMART? I. Believe it to be a support group similar to AA but CBT based

Haggisfish · 30/12/2015 21:23

I'm joining in, too. Drank 1.5 bottles of prosecco last night and feel crap today and got the fear. I sleep so much better without booze. My flashpoint is eating-I'm so conditioned I almost can't eat dinner without wine. Managed it tonight and tomorrow I'm driving so can't drink then. Dh on board as well, so hopefully we can beat it together.

Lindt70Percent · 30/12/2015 22:15

I don't think I'm an alcoholic either but I didn't like my drinking habits. I never got very drunk but drank about 3 glasses of wine every day and felt quite on edge if we didn't have wine in the house. It affected my sleep and I'd wake at 3am hating myself and saying I'd never drink again but once it got to the evening I'd forget about that and pour the first glass of wine...

Anyway, this time last year I decided I really should stop. I told everyone I would be doing dry January and slowed down in the run up to the end of the year so that I barely drank anything on NYE. I found the first couple of weeks of January really hard but by the end of the month I'd found other things to do in the evening instead of pouring that first glass of wine. I also lost 7lb! I decided to keep going and told everyone I'd be doing a dry 2015 and I haven't touched a drop all year.

It's been absolutely fine and because I told all my friends they've all been really supportive about it. There's only been one occasion when someone insisted on pouring me a large glass of champagne (told me to hold their glass for them while they filled it and once it was filled told me it was actually a glass for me) but I just laughed and gave it to someone else. It could have been awkward as it was at a party at my next-door neighbour's so couldn't say I was driving etc. but it just made him look an arse.

We've had wine in the house all year round. There's an open bottle of red in the kitchen now but I won't be drinking it and it doesn't bother me.

Now it's getting to the end of 2015 people have been asking if I'll be drinking next year. To be honest, I'd love to. I'd love to have the odd glass of wine when out and about. My husband had a cold glass of beer yesterday and I would have loved to have had one too. However, he can have the odd drink now and then but I think I'm much better off not drinking at all as it's completely clear cut and one glass can't lead to another.

Give it a try, you can do it!

tribpot · 30/12/2015 22:21

I think problem drinker is a much better term, Lindt - and I'm sure you're right about just staying off completely. I sort of imagine that I could drink maybe one night a year or something but I actually don't want to. (And in my case, it would almost certainly spiral out of control immediately anyway - and no way do I want to go back to that).

I was completely open with people when I first gave up (and indeed ever since - bizarrely my FIL seems to have failed to absorb this information). No-one ever tried to make me have a drink. Hinting at problem drinking does tend to make people think 'oh christ, don't go there', of course

Haggisfish · 30/12/2015 23:26

You're all inspiring me! I'm not going to say I will stop for good-but will count every day and not berate myself if I have the odd drink. I managed to stop smoking using the same strategy, so hopefully it will work again. Had a winter spiced berry drink tonight-it was lush. One day down!

Original poster

PositivePete · 31/12/2015 10:31

Massively inspired!

No morning fog today.

LETS GET THROUGH TODAY!!!

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tribpot · 31/12/2015 12:26

That's great - now, today is obviously going to be a tricky one. Who has a strategy to avoid drinking the new year in? Usually this is reasonably easy if you have kids as you can't go out anyway. But do you have something special you can use as a substitute glass of bubbly? Fancy (yet non-alcoholic) ginger beer or similar?

Remember, no-one is as smug as someone without a hangover on New Year's Day. Every year I have to stop myself from mentioning how marvellous I am feeling on Facebook (as I hardly feel I am in a position to take the piss out of anyone else for having a hangover).

On this thread, however, blatant smuggery is not only permitted, it is encouraged.

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