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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

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Original poster

I'm their DAUGHTER.

67 replies

lostinwales · 01/10/2009 11:37

Hello, I'm new to MN and can't believe how many people there are out there who help each other, I have a simple rant question on adoption that has been bothering me for ages, does anyone else's blood boil when the see or hear the phrase 'adopted daughter' referring to someones child. I am adopted and would not like the word adopted infront of me, as as far as I feel I am truly and wholly the daughter of my parents not slightly removed as I feel the word adopted is used in the press. Aagh feel like I can't quite articulate how annoying and belittleing I find this, will calm down now and have a cup of tea.
PS don't even get me started on comedians who use 'you're adopted' as the end line of a joke WHY IS THAT FUNNY, sorry sorry may even start on an early glass of wine

OP posts:

jazz412 · 18/01/2011 20:15

I have no experience of adoption but I can imagine that it's the same as "half" is for me. My little brother is not "half" as much as a brother because he has different sperm to make him grrr
We're very close and I hate it when if talking about him people point out that he's half... yes we know why keep saying it?!?

Must be the same for "real" etc :(
Some words/people are rubbish!!

Milngavie · 18/01/2011 20:39

The old 'half' chestnut.

My brother and I hate it if the half word is mentioned and for years it never was then along came my uncles ex. She referred to us as half siblings at every opportunity.

Then came the day our mum and his dad ( my step dad) split up. I referred to SD as a twat for putting mum through a nightmare time of it. The ex told me I had no right to call him that or have an opinion as I was 'nonbiological'!!! I went through her and never spoke to her again!

Nonbio despite mum being my birth mother and me not being a washing powder .

Unforgivable IMO.

arcticwind · 18/01/2011 21:20

Fascinating stories. I have no personal experience of adoption but my Great uncle was adopted by my great grandmother. It was always known that he was, but not in any way treating him differently but more I think to explain why he was so much younger than the other 2!
We latter found out that he was her sister's child - seems more common in those days I suppose of death in childbirth and stuff.

I had never thought about the insult in referring to people as 'adopted' (or half / step) but will be very careful in future.
It is interesting because I have a half brother and sister who I have never met and refuse to acknowledge me as my mother was seen by theirs as the 'other woman' so I do use it in a way to explain that as they are in no way my brother and sister except biology!

PerAspergersAdAstra · 18/01/2011 22:34

My cousins are adopted, and there WAS a barrier because of it -- carefully created by both sets of parents, because for some mad reason, there parents decided not to tell them they were adopted, but ours naturally enough told us. Aaaarrggghhh.

jazz412 · 18/01/2011 23:05

milngavie I get it! I really don't get on with my step dad but I wouldn't dream of making my little brother any less my little brother because it's his Dad...
washing powder links us through my Mum and even if there was no washing powder there would still be the love, so I guess that's what it's like for adopted siblings too?

crystalglasses · 16/02/2011 19:16

Years ago a famous actress (can't remember who) was on a TV chat show, being interviewed with her small son. He looked so proud to be there but then his mother introduced him as ' my adopted son ' and he went bright red and looked mortified. I'll never forget it - I really felt for him and it was so unnecessary.

Dysgu · 16/02/2011 19:34

I only have limited experience of adoption - my mum was adopted within her extended family so she has a range of brothers and sisters who became (legally) her cousins, and cousins who became her brothers and sisters. She always knew she was adopted - from about three I think - and now simply calls all her siblings brothers and sisters (whether or not they began as cousins or not!)

Anyway... I do remember an interview or something with Marie Osmond at one of those An Evening with... things and her brother mentioned her children, some of whom are adopted. He asked her how many were biological and how many were adopted - and she said she couldn't recall which ones she has actually given birth to but that they were just all her children. I know my mum liked that comment.

Lilka · 16/02/2011 19:45

Just read this thread through and Kew!! Your video made me cry!!!! So beautiful!

Kewcumber · 18/02/2011 11:05

Makes me cry too Lilka!

peanutbear · 18/02/2011 11:43

wow I have just watched your link Kew with my son whose 13 but has autism

After asking me loads of questions I couldnt answer he said "it makes no difference though does it mom? a mom is a mom"

so the logical child with no empathy for anyone elses feelings even knows there is no difference

I cried watching your link the raneg of emotions is vast

melikalikimaka · 18/02/2011 11:56

YANBU. A neighbour of mine, told me his daughter was having trouble with the girls in her class because she was adopted. My jaw nearly hit the floor, as I didn't even suspect she was not their natural child.She really looks like her parents. From the start she told her class about it and it became 'game' to be nasty about it. I asked him why did he feel the need for anyone to know, it's not anybodys's business. I felt it was all unnecessary.

ChildofIsis · 19/02/2011 10:56

I was adopted as a baby. My mum and dad are my 'real' parents.

Back in the 60's families were matched for hair colour/skin tone, dh said that he thought I looked like my brother when we first met. My brother is my parents bio child, mum couldn't get pregnant again after having him.

Mum's always said that I was special because I was chosen, my brother just came along.

My late darling FIL was adopted within his own family, he grew up believing his bio mum was his much older sister. He didn't find out until middle age, he never really got over the betrayal of not being told.

We had a link thro this. He was thrilled when he new dd was coming along.

I hate it when I'm asked about my bio mum, I'd love to find her, but have drawn a blank so far, one day perhaps.

I was so excited when pregnant that finally I'd be able to meet someone who looks like me. My dd is the spitting image of dh! FIL thought it was great.

DayDreamingDaisy · 24/02/2011 11:22

To those who don't know our story I always intro them as my son's and then the boys (now 10 + 8) can decide to tell their story or leave it at that. They normally regale the listener with the tale of their life to date...... I think it is up to them to say what they want to. I love the fact that the story ends with "our mum and dad now are our forever mum and dad"!
Lots of folk comment on how DS1 looks like me and DS2 like my hubby and we often have a wry smile between us when this happens. Even those who know say this! It is more to do with mannerisms than anything else really.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 24/02/2011 11:43

Has anyone noticed this thread is from 2009

????????????????

Maryz · 24/02/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 24/02/2011 15:38

MaryZ - I don't think I've noticed one nearly two years old being dragged back out for a viewing I just feel bringing up old threads can be quite upsetting to those that were on it (not esp this one) - why not just start a new one? (JMHO)

Anyway, as you say, one can never get enough of Kew's link - so it's all good. Though I have to admit to having it on my favourites list for when I need a 'pick me up' :)

Kew - I love DS in that blue top - definitely 'Eat your heart out Boden'... as for him in his school uniform - he's growing up far too fast!!!

Maryz · 24/02/2011 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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