Adoption Disruption Artcle BBC

[Arran2024]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c0kdv1x83gko?fbclid=IwdGRjcAOWpIBjbGNrA5ajsmV4dG4DYWVtAjExAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDDM1MDY4NTUzMTcyOAABHj2E0wixnkdSOHi_x24ac0hK4gkFMpcvrO119IF8PQWTeFFXniPST25KOofI_aem_AC3sgw9xa0U1QuclunpLzA

@Cheekychop

So sorry, I missed your post in the avalanche of BBC coverage on Friday and the follow-up on Saturday. Please know that you are not alone. I’m always happy to chat directly?

Many thanks for your kind offer @ThePieceHall - I might take you up on that one day. Still at the stage of bursting into tears whenever I do talk about what we have been through. But it is good to know we are not alone. Xx

I'm so sorry for what you've all been through. I'm not an adopter myself, but I used to work as a nanny for a family with two adopted children, and I saw how hard things were for them. The children both had significant difficulties and their parents fought tooth and nail to get them support, and the local authority did everything in their power to deny it. 😢

Yes, I know that feeling well. I have never cried so much in my life as I have done this weekend, reading and hearing my fellow abused adopters’ testimonies. Please know that I will always be available to you for a chat. I hope that, amid all the stirring up of your feelings, that you have found this weekend’s coverage validating? Please know that you are not alone and that there can be good support for you in a community that understands and gets it.

Thank you for posting and for your empathy. It’s always good for us to feel acknowledged and validated.

Michael Gove is an absolute t*t but the one good thing the Tories did in 14 years is introduce Pupil Premium Plus for all care experienced children. Of course, as always, the devil is in the details, so schools routinely cash grab the fund and do not spend it how they are meant to. However, I do think it’s important that there is recognition at government level that adoption is not a magic wand that negates all the hurts.

I was a "grandmother" to two boys. One of them with such violent tendencies that at age 8 broke my then DIL'S arm. After DS contacted the department that placed them,after many fruitless attempts to get more support, the boys were removed literally the next day.
My son couldn't get time off work with such short notice, so I was with my DIL when they arrived to take them. It was one of the worst things in my 70 odd years that I have ever witnessed, them both crying and screaming not to be taken.
The younger of the two screaming "Grandma don't let them take me away" still haunts me 6 years on, why he couldn't have remained with my son and wife I don't know but they were told that "Siblings must remain together!"
The irony is that it came out later in court that a Child Psychologist had advised previously that the siblings from this particular family (4 in all) should be adopted singly as they needed much individual input and attention.
I won't bore you with the details of the court action and the cost of it but the whole experience had a toll on the marriage and they are no longer together, yet another sadness for our family.
A High Court Judge was appalled at the behavior of the LA and appointed guardians ad litum for both children to take the case to European Court of Human Rights which while justifiable, doesn't repair the trauma or the, quite frankly, broken hearts.

I saw this on the news.
I know three people who adopted.
One was not successful, the other one partially. The other one ok so far.
I think you have to be careful when you sign up for adoption and consider everything.

@HazelBite I am so sorry to read of your family’s loss. That sounds horrific for the children, you, your ds and dil.

@Onceuponatimethen thank you. Until I saw that item on the BBC news I thought that DS and DIL were in the minority, it breaks my heart to think of all these people wanting to adopt and just not getting the right support.
Another thing that I found very disconcerting was the lack of continuity with the social workers who were there supposedly to support and advise, how some of them would focus on things/behaviour that were insignicant and ignore some of the major problems because ( I felt) they were out of their depth.
I often felt that there was a lack of understanding on a human and emotional level.
Any campaign or pressure group that would get an improvement in the current situation gets my full support.

That is actually what the research shows. It's called the Selwyn Report, and it found that one third of adoptions were generally ok, one third problematic but the children stayed at home, and one third were catastrophic. But as it referred to children, you could have one family with a child in each category.

Thing is, I have known literally hundreds of adopters over the years and nearly everyone is clumped in the middle group. I know a few cases where things went spectacularly wrong and children went into care but I can't think of anyone with an utterly straightforward, easy child. Many of the children have done remarkably well but it took a lot to get them there, with s lot of difficulties on the way.

The Selwyn report is very out of date now, it’s 11/12 years old. To be honest, I was always very suspicious of the neat thirds. The most comprehensive annual research is the Adoption UK Barometer report and this year, about 40 per cent of adoptive parents said they had considered returning their children to care. But until LAs are statutorily required to provide accurate statistics about children coming back into care, we won’t have the real measure of the scope of the adoption crisis.

Adoption Barometer is not proper research though. It is self reporting and could well be biased in favour of struggling families. Maybe someone should follow up Selwyn?

As someone who adopted 4 ( 2 sets of brothrrs ) in mid and late 90s i can report. That 1 was very easy and exceeded all expectations .( well known spoken at conferences .represented uk at sport around the world bought a flat in london etc middle management for a charity) one went into a theaputic project for a year when he was 16 ,had some dodgy years but now late 30s is in a supportive long term relationshop/carer for his son with asd /drives etc . One has been in and out of prison /hostels has a learning disability ( understanding age of about 10) misues substances / he is entitled to support because of his learning disability .he drives support workers and us mad at times but can show insight and care to others and is charming and has a wide group of friends. Will randomly text his godparents asking how they are and say happy birthday to them ! . Our other son works but can be very abusive verbally-one bad day he sent 134 messages asking for money ( we suspect he gambles) he sees us as bank and people who should rescue him but he has no relationship with us and we have recently cut contact with him . So not quite 1/3,1/3, 1/3 rd . We adopted just as Adoption uk was beginning to offer workshops on attachment and the first books were being published. We understood more as we went into the second adoption of siblings . Through my work i have facilated many of the parenting courses many of you were sent on and most are not relevant to children who experienced trauma or had multiple moves . Living in the inner city has helped, as there were resources in schools that were aimed at children with challenging behaviour/lots of sports clubs and youth clubs and our children found acceptance amd friendships through these groups and leaders who were prepared to support them . We were investigated by social services. Had police at our door many many times. Have had to fight for support for them .but have somehow got through !

I don’t see that self-reporting is an issue? Our voices and our stories have simply not been heard before now. Also, we’ve been presented as freakish outliers by the system which has never had to report in to the government the true scope of adoption breakdowns. So, the narrative that adoption is mainly a happy ever after is maintained! Also, Julie Selwyn has followed up her 2014 study with some more wishy-washy research. The academic really getting to the nitty-gritty in the field of adoption is Professor Laura Machin from the University of Lancaster. We are hoping that Professor Luke Clements, the country’s foremost academic on parent-blaming and FII, will work with us on a study.

Please let your DS and DIL know of the wonderfully supportive Adoption Disruption and Breakdown group on FB. It is a wonderfully supportive community of many, many hundreds of us who have been systematically abused. I would like to come back and address your initial heartbreaking post about your grandsons being removed. The effects of what we experience have so many ripples. I am so sorry for your family. Adoption without support can wreck lives, mainly for the children but for the adults too. In the meantime, could I please ask you how your son and DIL are progressing with their case through the EHCR? This is the next strand of our campaign. We have struggled to secure any interest from barristers and solicitors but, wall-to-wall coverage on the BBC, from Breakfast to the Six o’clock News, and Woman’s Hour to the World Service, appears to have turned a few heads!

Thank you, that’s a story of hope (in the main). I’m intrigued to know, from an epigenetics/genetics point of view, are your most ‘successful’ sons full siblings?

Agreed re: the parenting courses. They are an insult and not fit for purpose.

Just to add, Professor Laura Machin is herself an adopter. These days, I pay scant attention to professionals and academics unless they walk our paths.

They are the younger 2 in both sets of siblings though no 1 amd 4vare the 2 with identified disabilities ( IQ of 58 for one visually impaired the other though when he was placed aged 6 je hsd an EHCP for learning disabilities and despite having been known to SS since birth no one had picked up his significant visual impairment) the mental health of one of tbe others was impcated by significant abuse in care which eventually was accepted by SS

But you said "The most comprehensive annual research is the Adoption UK Barometer report and this year, about 40 per cent of adoptive parents said they had considered returning their children to care."

My point is that the Adoption UK barometer is not formal research. It may well be that families who are struggling are more likely to complete it.

I never completed these because I never had the extreme challenges and I was very aware that it would be detrimental to those who do.

The other big issue of course is age. Plenty of adopters have a wonderful time when the children are younger, then it goes massively wrong when they get to secondary school.

Imo the Adoption UK barometer is interesting and shows trends but self selection means it's hard to be clear on the numbers.

Potato Group has done some interesting work recently too. Have you seen that? They would claim to represent mainly those with the extreme challenges.

I honestly don’t see what is more telling and compelling than adopters telling their stories when they are asked? This is research, no? Happy adopters are equally as able to tell their stories. Many of them do during National Adoption Week. I always find it interesting that the case studies featured always involve novice adopters only months into placement.

Actually we made a 30 min programme for national adoption week with our eldest being filmed at school youth club and home and pointing out the CD player he had smashed up the night before !

By the time we were filmed the older two had been with us about 5 years and were at secondary school ..

I'm not saying adopters shouldn't tell their stories but if we are looking for hard data, we need proper research and not self reporting.

People have been telling their stories since way before I adopted in 2001. The issue is always: how representative is it?

Are we any closer to knowing?

Selwyn is scary enough if you are a prospective adopters, I think. Two in three having serious problems is still really bad.

Problem imo is that most adopters are unaware of what life with these children is going to be like - who could possibly believe it - and completely unprepared for it and what is needed. And gov policy is focusing on things like birth family contact instead of giving adopters a decent chance.

So I would like to see robust data and have that acted on. I just don't think that responding - or not - to AUK gives us that.