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Adoption

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Original poster

Am I the only person out there to have adopted AND THEN had my own birth children?!

41 replies

misspollysdolly · 18/03/2008 17:55

Just wondering if there are any more people out there in our situation? We adopted DD at the age of 3 and she has been with us nearly five years now. We know some other adoptive parents, though no-one very closely and have met plenty who have had birth children and adopted later. We however have had two birth children SINCE adopting and I have not ever met anyone in this position but would love to hear from anyone.

OP posts:
Homebird8 · 18/03/2008 17:57

I had a school friend who was adpoted along with an older brother. Her parents then had a suprise baby naturally when she and her brother were 11 and 7! Not very common but very happy!

CarGirl · 18/03/2008 18:01

In the UK I don't believe they will let you adopt unless birth children are an impossibility in the future and I think it has been like that for many years now?

JingleyJen · 18/03/2008 18:03

I know 2 families who have adopted children and then had birth children, in both cases they had been told that concieving wasn't going to be an option so they adopted and within 1 year biological child was on the way.
One of the families stopped at one child and the other had 2

Tiggerish · 18/03/2008 18:05

I am my parents' first born and have an older adopted brother and sister. (Also have a natural younger brother) It is against regulations (at least it was 40 years ago) but sometimes it happens...

GrapefruitMoon · 18/03/2008 18:05

Your situation was very common when I was a child - in the days when not so much was known about infertility, etc. My friend was adopted after his parents had been trying for several years, they then had 3 birth children. I think the general feeling was that adopting a baby removed a lot of the stress that can go with having fertility problems and can ironically be the cause of infertility...

Also, when I was little there were a lot more babies available for adoption so families often adopted even when they already had birth children.

Tiggerish · 18/03/2008 18:06

there is 3 1/2 years between the oldest and youngest.

LilRedWG · 18/03/2008 18:06

When I spoke to our local council department about it (we already have a natural DD) they didn't say it was a problem to adopt. Am now concerned.

LilRedWG · 18/03/2008 18:10

Sorry to sound thick, but does this mean that if I adopt I cannot have any more birth children?

GrapefruitMoon · 18/03/2008 18:10

I vaguely remember hearing about a couple who were adopting twinbabies when the woman found out she was pregnant - they went ahead with the adoption. Also knew a family where there was less than 1 year between their adoptive baby and their eldest birth child. They adopted another child and also had two more birth children!

LilRedWG · 18/03/2008 18:11

Thanks Grapefruit.

Tiggerish · 18/03/2008 18:18

In our case, my parents had to go to court to "persuade" the authorities that they should be allowed to keep my sister even though Mum was pg with me. I think they had only had her for a few weeks.

GrapefruitMoon · 18/03/2008 18:20

Sorry, should have said that was several decades ago and not in the UK so may not be applicable to your case.....

wannaBe · 18/03/2008 18:27

I don't think that you are forbidden from having any birth children as such, but a lot of authorities insist that you have ceased all assistive measures, ie ivf etc when you adopt.

MrsJohnCusack · 18/03/2008 18:27

not personally, but I know someone here in NZ who was adopted as a tiny baby and then her mother had a child so soon after that there is only 10 months between them!

I think Kewcumber may have mentioned this happening to people she knows/knows off?

mom2latinoboys · 18/03/2008 18:29

A friend of mine was a product of parents that tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't so they adopted a little girl from Colombia. A month after bringing her home they found out they were pregnant.

LilRedWG · 18/03/2008 18:40

I think I will give our local authority a call and check. Our plan was to adopt in the next few years and then maybe have one more birth child.

CarGirl · 18/03/2008 19:06

LilRedWG yes I would check, if you have a child of your own you will usually get offered a toddler/older child and it is then seen as being in the adoptive childs interests that they are the youngest child.

Kewcumber · 18/03/2008 20:10

yes a fellow adopter was in the process of adopting two when she becamse pregnant. The adoption went ahead because she didn;t tell the sw until after the childrne were home (from Kaz).

UK authorities don't ahve any regulatrions against subsequently having burth children but forwn on getting pregnant very quickly after adoptin more because they are concerned that the newly adopted child may not get the input they may require. Their responsibilty is to the childbeing adopted not to anyone else (ie you or a birth child).

Wannabe is right they want to know you have completed any assisted repro stuff before going ahead with a homestudy - again because they want to know thatyou are 100% committed to the adoption and not seeing it as a back-up incase your IVF (or similar) fails. Having done both IVF and adoption bith were all encompassing and I can't imagine having the energy to do both a the same time!

MrsPollydolly as you may know your position is really quite common in the US

oooggs · 18/03/2008 20:11

My friend & her dh adopted a little boy when he was 16 mths (he is now 4.2) and their birth dd is 10mths

Troutpout · 18/03/2008 20:24

My mum adopted my two older brothers..and then went on to have 3 birth children.

pearlB · 19/03/2008 15:19

I have one adopted child aged 7 and a 2 year old birth child, now thinking about adopting again after recent mc. Have been told by social worker only factor is age gap between siblings which must be at least 2 and a half years. My only worry is about bonding, having had such vastly different experiences with my children.

maryz · 25/03/2008 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kewcumber · 26/03/2008 09:19

nice post maryz - I don;t feel at all jealous of people who have birth children only because I think they don't understand the miracle of being entrusted with a child and learning to love them. I am however extremely jealous of people who have birth children and adopt as well.

ishouldbeironing · 26/03/2008 09:29

My eldest DD is adopted and I also have twins who were not.
My eldest is from my first marriage - my ex was infertile.
My twins are from my second marriage.

manuka · 26/03/2008 17:04

My aunty had fertility problems and adopted 2 fucked up boys who are now extremely successful men -although they're still totally bonkers!- and then she went on to have 2 girls herself. I think that a lot of fertility problems right themselves when the stress of ttc is completely removed.