Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - my adoption approval panel date is being moved because I'm fat

[bran]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG!

I'm the same weight as I've been all through the assessment, the same weight as I was when we adopted ds and the same weight as I was last time we were approved. How is it that they have only just noticed 12 days before panel that I am fat!

It's so fecking annoying.

bran, don't know if you've ever come across a book by Colette Harris on PCOS? Only if not, do have a look. I know lots of people who really rave about it - and as I used to work with Colette I can tell you she really knows her stuff. Might be helpful.

I have a few of her books edam, and they are very good, I've learned a lot from them.

It's not so much the SWs being nasty as it's not really their decision, it's the medical advisor's comments that are causing the problem. The last time around the MA said something along the lines of "This woman is very overweight, need to check that she has a healthy diet and active lifestyle", which I did so that was fine, the panel had no issues at all with my weight. This time around a new MA has said "I have major reservations due to her overweight. She needs to take active part in weight reducing and healthy lifestyle program urgently". The clear implication there is that I don't have a healthy lifestyle. She has apparently said much the same thing on the form of every overweight/obese applicant, and the panel are interpreting her comments as an instruction not to approve applicants until they lose weight. I can't remember the term used, they're not actually turned down they are put on hold to be reviewed at a future date.

Anyway, as I say since starting on Metformin I have been experiencing the joys of a normal metabolism and have lost 11 lbs in slightly over 5 weeks without trying at all. Which is fab, if a little annoying that I didn't try it before.

I'm a little reluctant to go on the national database at all KristinaM, it didn't work in our favour at all the last time. I would rather stay in the 3 LA consortium that our LA is a part of.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences theshelf. I'm glad you got through though. Have you adopted or are you still waiting to be matched?

Have been approved and matched. Our two officially moved in last Friday and we are having a lot of fun and feel very tired!

Fantastic! Congratulations to you and all your family.

Wonderful news

That's really interesting. I ponder adoption from time to time but am always put off because DH and I are - erm - on the large side, despite our best efforts. From what you're saying we'd be sure to have problems. isn't it a hame to potentially exclude such a large (ha ha ) group of people.

Bes of luck, Bran, with whatever is happening next.

i think the size issue may be pertinent to certain local authorities. we are currently doing a course with other adopters and two of the couples, i suppose would be classed as obese. they have both had placed with them older siblings. one couple a 3 yr old and 9 yr old and the other a 4 and 7. there's hope.
both placements in the last 8 months to a year.

Hi there, this is my first post here, am enjoying looking around here!

We have been trying for a child for a couple of years (I am 34), and we have just found out we cannot have kids for sure - nothing wrong with me at all (not even high blood pressure), he had a bad case of mumps when he was young which has made him infertile

So it's the donor route or adoption route...

We have been to an introduction evening at Richmond Borough and came away so confused. So many good and so many bad experiences.

I am obese (BMI over 40), and we have identified that this will be our key problem. I do have a healthy appetite but eat what hubby does, and he is slim. Not into junk food at all.

I piled on weight after using a contraceptive injection for years, not realising that was the cause for the weight increase (plus I have a genetic disposition for being heavy too which hasn't helped... we all really battle and have to do loads of exercise to keep the weight down)... and now the harm is done. I used to weigh 74kg prior to starting the injection (am 5ft 3inches).

I am also a childminder - I look after 4 kids every day - under the age of 3! They keep me on my feet all day. I am active in that I cycle and walk a lot, feed them very well with excellent nutrition (believe you me, the parents would not leave them with me were it otherwise, they are not fools). Ofsted neither!

Also, one agency said it was great I was a childminder - stands me in good stead... another agency said it was bad... as I wouldn't prioritise the adopted child... Huh??? Such conflicting opinions.

We will both be fabulous parents, of this I am sure... but we are just too scared to go any further with adoption as it seems the SW are full of you-know-what half the time!

All we want to do is provide a child who has come into the world at a disadvantage, with loving and caring parents, nurture them and ensure they have a brighter future... is this too much to ask?

hi jenni and welcome to mumsnet

I'm sorry to hear about your problems TTc and teh confusing messages you have been getting about adopting.

are you considering using a donor? that woudl be my first choice in your situation- its much quicker and easier than adoption. also you need to be aware that even if you are able to adopt a very young baby, they will probably have been removed from their birth parenst rather than relinquished. So there will probably be a family history of substance misuse and mental illness. thats is on top of all the " normal" adoption issues you will need to deal with

I'm sorry not to be very encouraging about adoption, but its a very very hard thing to do

if you search mumsnet you will probably find many threads about using a donor

Hurrah! We have been approved as adoptors.

I tried on everything in my wardrobe to find what made me look the thinnest, added a pair of magic knickers and went along to meet the panel. DH made me promise to be civil to the medical advisor, and I reckoned I could content myself with a Paddington Bear style hard stare and rather chilly civility, but in the event she didn't attend the panel.

Hurrah! We have been approved as adoptors.

I tried on everything in my wardrobe to find what made me look the thinnest, added a pair of magic knickers and went along to meet the panel. DH made me promise to be civil to the medical advisor, and I reckoned I could content myself with a Paddington Bear style hard stare and rather chilly civility, but in the event she didn't attend the panel.

There wasn't a single mention of health or weight, but one panel member did ask a deep and searching question about ds's understanding of the existence of God. I answered "He's four!" but refrained from adding that we are having trouble convincing him that the Gruffalo is a fictional character. I also (with difficulty) refrained from doing an eye roll. Even thinking about it now I feel the need to get some eye-rolling out of my system. That's much better.

Anyway we were approved fairly quickly and our SW and her supervisor seemed rather disporportionately relieved that we had been passed. It turns out that they have had quite a few decisions deferred recently. I'm glad that they didn't mention that before we went in.

Aww well done, just read the thread from the start and very pleased with that update glad ds will soon have a playmate (or two! or more!!! lol)

fantastic news!

am a bit by the question about your Ds. seems completely inappropriate IMHO

To be fair (and I hate being fair) it was a sort of follow-on to a question about the regularity of dh's and his church attendance, and whether he would be allowed to chose not to attend in the future if he wanted to. But even the original question was a bit unexpected tbh.

Thanks for the congrats. Now there's just the long, long wait for the right child.

brilliant new bran (maybe we should shop for a nappy bag too )!

brilliant news bran (maybe we should shop for a nappy bag too )!

(spot the difference in the 2 posts ).

Don't worry HC, I won't tell the pedants about your difficulty with plurals.

I already have a new nappy bag. I saw it when I was buying something else about 6 months ago and now it's hidden at the back of the wardrobe.

I am already eyeing up buggies, I can't help feeling that the perfect lightweight one (for slinging in the boot of the car and going on public transport) is out there somewhere. I have a Volo, which fulfills the lightweight criteria but it's not good for younger children, and it makes me cross to push it because the wheels are small and horrible.

oh i hate maclarens, they are Not Nice to push (i know this makes me a freak). loved my mountain buggy - how about a breeze?

COngratulations! I lurked on this thread at the time but had no advice as i know little about adoption but am so glad to hear that it went well after so long

Thank you littleducks.

I think I would like a breeze HC, it would be good to see one in action first though as I'm a bit wary of having a fixed front wheel. I will be digging out my fabulous Urban Detour for local trips as it was effortless to push, it's just big in shops and heavy to lift into the boot of the car.

I used to have a Mothercare Citilite for going to shopping centres as it had a big basket and was very comfy for ds to sleep in. But again it made me a bit cross to push it on a pavement because of the annoying wheels, plus the handle was slightly too low for me.

Of course I might end up with a relatively older child so perhaps pushchairs won't be such an issue. The oldest the new child can be is 2 years younger than ds (who turned 4 in June). DS was just under 11 months when we got him, so still a proper baby then with years of pushchair use ahead of him.