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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

How on earth do teachers get to adopt!?!?

78 replies

CallmeMrsScavo · 19/10/2020 18:46

DH and I are going through the adoption process. During all the open days and meetings with our agency before submitting our ROI, the adoption agency mentioned there was online training to do and we would need to do some volunteering (but could be done at weekends). Now we've submitted our ROI and they've emailed through with five dates over the next month we need to take completely off work for the training sessions.
DH and I are both teachers. We can't take leave unless it's during school holidays. We're not legally entitled any leave for the adoption until we get matched with a child. How on earth do adoption agencies expect people to do this!? I understand that they need future parents to put their child first but if my child were sick (for example) our employers would obviously make an allowance - but they obviously won't make an allowance for us to just fuck off to "train" for 25% of the time we're supposed to be working!! It feels as though the adoption agency are intentionally sabotaging our careers so we have more of a focus on a child - but they seem to be forgetting about that money thing that we need to actually feed the child!
How has anyone else managed this? Surely the adoption agency should've mentioned that they're expecting us to basically not do our jobs!

OP posts:
raddledoldmisanthropist · 21/10/2020 23:11

Yes, we've spoken to our employers (because the agency contacts them on our behalf before considering us in any way to let them know we might be getting a child in the next few years).

What? That's mad, it would have put me off an agency straight away.

It's not just the five days this month - it's not a one-off. They'll also be expecting this for every other stage of the process, it's not feasible.

Eh? No.

The only people benefitting are the adoption agency because they get to feel big and powerful and fuel their ego.

I think your agency don't sound great but if you are going to think this way you won't get through. You sound like That Parent (Jordan says he called you a cunt and threw the chair because you gave him a detention just for asking for help).

Things in adoption happen because either a) It's a very complex process and processes have evolved to deal with conflicting needs, even if you don't see it or b) There is absolutely no money and no staff.

In this process you are absolutely bottom of the pile. Your needs mean nothing except as they serve the child's best interest. There will always be delays because anything remotely relate to the court process or child protection will get SW time first.

Most people are rejected so it's not considered to be likely that a child will be placed with us.

Where are you? If it's in Englandandwales that's nonsense. If your agency told you that I really would be inclined to find another.

Speak to the agency. Ours did the training every two months and it could be taken at any point during approval. On our second adoption they did the training and meetings one to one in the evenings because it was a rush job.

For all I said above about why there are delays you don't want an agency which is hard work and unsupportive. You should expect reasonable communciation. Your SW should be the one person helping you through those issues. If they really aren't helpful or flexible go with a nearby LA or a VA and be choosey- there is huge variation in quality.

If you were pregnant, school would have to let you go to ante-natal appointments. if you needed to go on some kind of CPD, the school would cope.

On a good year, with a really good head, in a school with plenty of capacity the OP might get 5 days unpaid leave. There is not a cat in hell's chance this year. The suggestions about why/how schools should accomodate OP are not useful, I'm afraid- they just won't. In my school we are pretty close to where staff absence means double classes (we were doing that last year even before covid).

Justme88 · 24/10/2020 15:32

I think if you spoke to school they would see that this just the same as going to scans etc ! School let me train for the 3 days

cansu · 25/10/2020 08:32

I'm a teacher and I understand the difficulty. Teaching is very much like this in its ethos and taking time off is seen as very unreasonable.
I have had to have time off for a variety of things due to my children having special needs. I have sometimes approached it by

  1. Putting it in writing and making it clear why I need the time off.
  2. Occasionally I have offered to work on one of my non working days to help out in return.
  3. Giving more than I have to. I am not the kind that moan about helping out at lunchtimes etc. I work really hard and I think this has helped me when requesting time off as the head knew he still was getting a good deal.
  4. Prioritising the important stuff and rearranging stuff that could be changed. If you do these dates, what will be the next thing you need time off for? If you think there will be lots more, maybe postponing this until a holiday might be worthwhile so that you can use the goodwill for other time off like panels etc.

I sympathise. Many other professional jobs are more flexible and leave can be booked. Teaching is difficult like this and in fact it shouldn't be this way especially when you factor in that the summer is unpaid.

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