Have we all managed the holidays?

[SimonJT]

I was dreading christmas, it’s only our third one together.

Last year despite having as few changes as possible we had sleep regression, huge anxieties, separation anxiety and even vomiting due to being so deregulated.

It may be a fluke, but this year has actually been okay, I was able to relax on day three as he was actually coping really really well with a change in routine.

Changes can be so so hard, I hope everyone has pulled through christmas this year, and those of us with school aged little ones, I hope the first week back at school goes as smoothly as possible.

We have not managed at all well this year. Did placed 18 months ago, aged 5. He managed Christmas (closely followed by his birthday) very successfully last year. So we decided to visit family. Behaviour was not great on the lead up and he was beginning to get violent toward us (similar to when first placed).
We spoke to a social worker and got some hints about what might be going on for him and how to help. Been doing lots of reading on therapeutic parenting.
Decided instead to stay at home and visit family on boxing Day. Christmas day was actually pretty relaxed but the following days were an utter disaster. Sleep has completely changed and we are up every 2/3 hours. We are shattered and when more violence occurred, it has proved difficult to let our ds know we understand, when he is not far off breaking our faces.
I've called for lots of help by way of therapy for him now but we are at a loss. We have toys to help him calm but when he is in that place of rage, he just uses them as weapons to hurt us.
How do you all help your kids sleep? (Golden questions). We have no screen after dinner (very limited anyway), have gone back to baths every night again, hot milk, story. Same rigid routine. He has a grow clock but pays it no attention anymore, just getting up at 530am now. Do people just let their kids come into their bed? We have been trying not to but out of solutions.

Also meant to add, lots of regression here too. Ds now 7 will literally follow us about and scratch at the bathroom door from the minute he wakes til he falls asleep. It's very intense.

My little one is just about to turn 7 and this is our third Christmas, so we’re one further on than you. I noticed both my two had changes in their sleep patterns, partly I think dysregulation, partly lack of normal routine, partly natural excitement for Christmas.

We did allow them into our bed overnight on the basis that the most sleep for everyone is a good thing, my DH or I would sleep in the spare room so one of us had some sleep.

After Christmas I noticed their screen time had crept up, so we went back to limiting Xbox/tablet time to1 hour a day and tv to family time. We also made sure we all got half an hour of fresh air each day. That did help a bit, as did everyone having lazy mornings (so the grown ups could get sleep if needed). Now they’re both back at school they seem to have settled back again.

We still keep Christmas small - with all the stuff going on at school we only book one additional family treat (Santa train/panto) and put the tree up well into December. We were busy with family Christmas Eve and Christmas Day but with people they had well established relationships with and no new people whatsoever. We then had a very quite new year with lots of time at home. It’s hard to strike a balance and there are things il do differently next year, such a learning process.

@Sleepdeprivedzombie we've had massive sleep regression in all three of our ACs too. Same as you we've kept to same soothing but rigid bedtime routine but something has changed. I'm hoping it's just a normal thing for this time of year. We've given up to an extent by letting them into our bed and it seems to have helped - they just seem to need more comfort at the moment, all of them. And of course it's helping me reconnect with AD. Though 5 in the bed is a squeeze! The boys have both suddenly become afraid of the dark but we've put night lights in these last few nights and it seems to be helping. All bedtimes are taking a lot longer than normal for the moment though.

The violence sounds really tough. No advice there but hope it all gets back to your peaceful normal soon.

Back to school tomorrow so hoping some of it settles. There is some comfort in reading people having similar experience. Although, I don't wish it on anyone iyswim

This was a while ago now and so I hope all is getting back to normal @gertruude - just wanted to quickly reply to say you are right that situation did sound different, and I and most mothers I know would have also been slightly taken aback by what you describe. All families are slightly different, the key thing is to follow the boundaries as set by the parent, adopted children or not. Anyway, I hope that all is well now.