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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Social services

67 replies

Freddy3006 · 07/10/2019 21:42

My auntie has legal guardianship of my son she has done since May this year i went through a really rough time and didn't cooperate with social witch I now regret I have another child oon the way but the father on this child has been convicted of murder but he didn't do it is there any chance social will take this child away or will they let me keep it. I'm in alot better place than I was then and think I'm in the right space of mind to cooporate this time please any advise would be great

OP posts:
whitershadeofpale · 10/10/2019 11:51

I think it probably would be best for you to terminate if you still can. You and your 'DP' are not fit to look after this child and it wouldn't be fair on your auntie to have to raise another of your children because of your poor choices.

AnotherQuirkyUsername · 10/10/2019 13:26

You sound incredibly delusional/naive if I'm being 100% honest , OP.

You do not know this man. He has been convicted of a crime , arguably the worst crime that there is and you want him around your child? You clearly do not want what's best for your child(ren).

I also find it extremely hard to believe that you have drastically changed your life around in 5 months (but somehow in doing so ended up with a convicted murderer Hmm)

I do not know you or the full situation , granted , but from the little that has been said here it does sound as though your current DC is best left with your aunt and SS seriously consider taking the baby you're currently carrying into care. Would your Aunt take the baby too?

Sorry for being harsh but when there's children involved you have to be.

All the best , I hope you can really turn your life around.

00100001 · 10/10/2019 14:42

I want to know how he convinced you within 5 months of knowing him that he was innocent.... but a jury and trial didn't find him innocent... ?

What evidence has he given you that wasn't at trial?

Proseccoinamug · 10/10/2019 16:41

OK, forget whether he’s innocent or not. Social services are not going to believe that he was wrongly convicted. Nor are they going to believe that you were wrongly accused of assaulting your ex either.

They are going to see you as someone who is denying the risk to the child and therefore not taking steps to eliminate that risk.

If you want to keep this baby, you are going to have to work very hard. Distance yourself completely from this convicted murderer and work very hard in making your own life as stable as possible in as short a time as possible.

Access counselling. Ask to be referred to parenting courses. And stop saying he is innocent because they will just see that as denial and it will lose you your baby.

Babyonway12 · 10/10/2019 17:50

I'm 3 months pregnant would never have a termination yes I can see where your all coming from but I love my boyfriend and really want my baby

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 10/10/2019 18:07

@Babyonway12
Unfortunately it doesn't matter how much you want your baby - odds are that social services will step in

You might love him now but when the relationship breaks down and you're left with nothing and your children are being raised by others you'll look back and feel pretty foolish

savethebeestoday · 10/10/2019 19:44

OP, you’ve still not said how old he is, or the circumstances around the murder?

emmy1997 · 10/10/2019 19:53

Firstly I think you need to spell right first secondly . I think because of what happened with your first child you should co-operate with SS

NoSauce · 10/10/2019 19:57

He’s a murderer OP. Whether you or he admits that. There is no way your baby will be staying with you under these current circumstances.

The fact you’ve chosen to get pregnant so soon after your son was removed and by someone who’d been in prison for murder will speak volumes to SS. There isn’t a judge in the land that would allow this.

I’m sorry if this isn’t what you want to hear but I think you need to face facts.

Ted27 · 10/10/2019 20:22

@emmy1997 her spelling ability is the least of her worries but if you are going to make unhelpful comments of that nature it's preferable to post a perfectly written comment yourself

Nor do I think its helpful telling someone to have a termination, or asking for details of the murder.

@Babyonway12 I'm sure you think you love this man, you may even genuinely believe he is innocent, but you need to take a massive step bsck here and try and see how this will look to social services. They are not going to believe he is innocent just because you say so. If he was such a decent wonderful man do you not think how his presence will look to SWs and walk away himself ?
Sadly I think that any positive changes you have made in the last five months are going to be completely overshadowed by your relationship with this man.

herecomesthespiderbrooch · 10/10/2019 20:34

@Babyonway12 You already have a child, and have failed to meet their needs. You need to take time to recover and reflect and learn from that before you will be capable of meeting a baby's needs.

I doubt you will be able to keep this child.

So your options appear to be (in no particular order):

  1. Terminate.
  2. Continue, and expect either your aunt, or social care, to actually look after and parent your child.
  3. Make drastic changes. Dump the boyfriend, seek help, engage with social services, agree to a mother and baby placement and assessment, with NO contact with your convicted murderer ex. And even with the best of your efforts, accept this may still turn in to 2.

Whatever you decide, please get a coil or an implant, and get some help, after.

I wish you the best, but can only envisage 2 happening. Are you really wanting to put yourself and your baby through that trauma?

sassygromit · 10/10/2019 20:36

@Babyonway12 if this child is removed you will be devastated and you may fall back on your partner for support and it may happen again. You may think that your situation is ok because of your experiences so far, but it isn't. You will not be able to keep the baby as things are.

Right now, you are pregnant. The further you go into the pregnancy the more vulnerable you will be and the less able to make changes.

As hard as it is for you, because I realise that you have strong feelings for this man, you need to listen to the posters on here and leave now, and start getting appropriate help now. You may think you need him and you are more stable with him - you aren't. You need help to believe that, and get help with your own self control and emotional management (re your conviction), you need help with relationships (possibly The Freedom Programme would help), you need help to understand what would be required from you as a parent, and what would psychologically or physically harm your child, and what would be needed from you to enable your child/ren to thrive.

@darkriver19886 has said go to the council and report yourself as homeless and get some support and as a birth mother she may also be able to give advice about accessing other help. You could also talk to your GP, and Women's Aid, and possibly your aunty. And other people out there will be more expert about the help available. Via social services you might be able to be put in touch with organisations which help birth mothers.

Your first step must be to move though, and it will be very hard, and so possibly get support from Women's Aid about that - talk openly to them about everything and get their advice and help.

You may not be in time for this baby or you may be - but start the process now before it is definitely too late. I hope that you can trust that the majority of the comments on this thread have all said the same thing and with good intent - that the changes are absolutely necessary if you want to not lose your child.

nottodaysatanlucifer · 10/10/2019 20:42

Fucking hell I hope this thread isn't real.

darkriver19886 · 10/10/2019 20:44

@baby you need to ring this helpline when it's open or email them. It says directly on the website it can give advice on how to keep a future child.

www.pac-uk.org/our-services/firstfamily/

The simple fact is that you will NOT be able to keep this child if you don't act now. Every child that gets removed reduces your chances of keeping the next one.

As it is I had a mother who couldn't put her children first. She is still alive but, I don't speak to her any more as it's had a devastating impact on my life.

So stop thinking of yourself and the violent criminal and put your children first.

chickenlegsbj · 10/10/2019 21:34

Hmm. This thread is all slightly suspicious.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 10/10/2019 21:44

@chickenlegsbj
I'm starting to think so too as the OPs initial post asked for advice......we've all given it and yet every reply just witters on about how much she loves her boyfriend

Mumtolittlesausage · 16/10/2019 10:28

Is this a real thread? If so OP you need some help and if not it is disgusting that you could make up something like this. If it is real let me get the facts straight.
Your son was removed 5 months ago at which point you have met another man, a convicted murderer and fallen pregnant to him. You are now want to work with SS to keep this baby and stay with a convict? I have nothing to say other than this beggers belief

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