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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Adoption order will be finalised today.

34 replies

darkriver19886 · 04/07/2019 09:36

Today the order will be finalised.
I am keeping busy but it's hard. I couldn't face going to the hearing. Everyone knows that I am "okay" about the girls being adopted.

Have therapy tomorrow so will be able to talk to her about this stuff. I wish I could have gotten therapy earlier.

OP posts:
Starrynights86 · 04/07/2019 09:44

Oh OP are they your children? Will it be an open adoption?

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 04/07/2019 09:45

They are and no just letterbox.

OP posts:
Starrynights86 · 04/07/2019 09:47

Do you want to talk about them?

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 04/07/2019 09:51

I am a regular poster on this section. I know that adoption is the "right" thing for my girls. I am not in a position to care for them both. It hurts that I failed.

OP posts:
CloudPop · 04/07/2019 10:03

I've read a number of your posts OP and I think you are incredibly brave and strong. Today is going to be so hard for you. I send you my very best wishes.

poppet31 · 04/07/2019 10:23

I think you are amazing OP and I'm thinking of you today. I can only imagine how tough it must be x

H2OH20Everywhere · 04/07/2019 11:36

I've been reading your story over the last month or so and I'm in awe of you. You have such strength. I'm currently pregnant with my first (something I never thought would happen) and if I can be a fraction of the parent you are I'll be pleased. I hope that comes across in the way it's intended to btw - you've obviously been through so much yet so clearly put your children first. You are amazing.

I only hope your children know this when they are older. All the best to you xxx

jellycatspyjamas · 04/07/2019 19:49

It hurts that I failed.

I think it’s such a natural feeling to have, and can imagine how painful it is. Part of me wants to say that you haven’t failed, that you’ve made the best choice you could for your girls in the circumstances but I know you know this - and that knowledge doesn’t stop it from really hurting, and it’s important to give space to the pain of it all.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Evidencebased · 04/07/2019 20:57

darkriver you are a truly admirable human being. Your children may see that, one day.

Have you ever thought of printing out all your posts and threads on here ? To preserve them for your children? So they can read them in 20 years time, so they don't get lost off some internet old age cliff.

No one knows what the future holds, but a child of yours, reading your threads in 20 years time, would know with certainty that you loved them. That they were the centre of your life. That you had the courage to put their needs first.

OurChristmasMiracle · 05/07/2019 09:54

Thoughts and love to you today.

Even when you know something is the right thing to do it doesn’t make it hurt any less, and actually in a way the feelings you have and the strength of those only shows your deep love for your girls.

Flowers
CloudPop · 08/07/2019 22:22

@darkriver19886 hope you are ok.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 08/07/2019 22:44

@CloudPop thank you so much for asking. I am not sure how I am feeling. Just detached I guess.

OP posts:
CloudPop · 09/07/2019 09:26

Stay strong. Sending a vice-like hand hold.

BarcelonaFreddie · 09/07/2019 22:32

So sorry. I've nothing more to offer than that. I genuinely hope that it gets easier in time for you.

AngelaScandal · 09/07/2019 23:35

I am so sorry darkriver. Thinking of you from afar.

ac73 · 10/07/2019 12:24

This link just popped into my inbox and I thought it might help you darkriver.
www.naotp.com/so/29MlRaHuJ?cid=a27a2350-1c32-4d72-b2fd-58bbdaa7bec2#/main

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 10/07/2019 14:19

@ac73 website won't load properly on my phone. Not sure if they support birthparents who have lost children though.

OP posts:
ac73 · 10/07/2019 14:57

Sorry it won't open. The link was specifically for birth parents. I'll try to find another way to access it.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 10/07/2019 15:00

I will have a proper look on my computer later.

OP posts:
Original poster
darkriver19886 · 10/07/2019 20:38

@ac73
I have had a read of the post and I am conflicted. As much as they say Birth parents are welcome I would feel very much the imposter.

It might be helpful in the future if I am able to parent a child again but not now. Mumsnet already makes me feel bad about myself. I don't need to feel worse.

OP posts:
ac73 · 10/07/2019 22:28

I’m so sorry it made you feel worse. I was hoping it might be something helpful for birth parents when it seems like there is so little.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 10/07/2019 23:01

No it didn't make me feel worse. I have bookmarked it and when I am ready I will email them.

OP posts:
Thepinklady77 · 12/07/2019 21:17

Naotp (national association of therapeutic parenting) supports all parents (adoptive, foster and birth) who are parenting children in understanding and practicing therapeutic parenting. When it states birth parents it is I believe referring to birth parents with children in their care as it would support you to parent them therapeutically.

You are right dark river at this stage this would not be helpful to you and would in fact probably only heighten your feelings. If in the future, and I believe that is very possible, you do go on to have other children you may well want to use this organisation to learn about therapeutic parenting as your own trauma is likely to be triggered while caring for the child/children.

Dark river I admire you greatly, and hope and pray that this does not mark you out for the rest of your life. I truly believe in time your girls will learn about what a sacrificial mother you have been and will be proud of the person you are becoming. Keep posting here, your perspective is invaluable.

Original poster
darkriver19886 · 12/07/2019 21:42

@thepinklady77
Thank you. Got the papers today saying it had been finalised and struggling with some aspects of my mental health. Losing my daughters has broken me and it will never be healed.

OP posts:
jellycatspyjamas · 12/07/2019 21:45

You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel a bit broken, do you have anyone close by to support you through such a hard loss? I can imagine there are all kinds of mixed feelings around for you just now - try to go gently with yourself, get lots of rest, try not to give yourself a hard time.