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I need to put my unborn baby up for adoption!

56 replies

Jknlxo · 18/10/2018 18:19

Hi hopefully I’ll get some help from on here, I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant I already have two children and I just can’t have this third baby under any circumstance I just don’t want it, I did go for an abortion trying to do the right thing but the clinic said they couldn’t do it because the placenta was in The way and it would need to be done at a hospital anyway the nhs have turned me away said the waiting list is too long and I’ve just been told basically I have to have it, this isn’t an option for me so how would I go about finding a suitable family for This unborn baby! I want it took away straight from birth

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Jknlxo · 18/10/2018 18:26

Please if anyone can help I’d really appreciate it, I’ve tried googling it but there’s not much and a lot of sites that come up are American I have put uk at the end but doesn’t seem to work

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raeray · 18/10/2018 18:28

Hello, I'm sorry you're having such a tough time.
Probably the best thing would be to google your town/borough with the words children and families services and that should bring you through to the team nearest you that would be able to help.
Your GP would be able to refer you too.

Good luck with everything and take care 

daphine2004 · 18/10/2018 18:29

Hi, Sorry to read about your circumstances. Have you spoken with your GP. I found this here which may be helpful:

Good luck with everything.

Jknlxo · 18/10/2018 18:32

Yes I spoke with the gp they didn’t want to know either if I’m honest I feel like I’ve just been brushed off by everyone and just left to have it but I just can’t, this is the worst feeling in the world I’ve not slept I cry all the time I really didn’t want it to even come to this but the least I can do is try find it a suitable family to go to it is really important the baby is taken at birth tho

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topcat2014 · 18/10/2018 18:54

Really sorry your GP has been dismissive.

Have a look at the links shown -


Kr1stina · 18/10/2018 21:18

I’m sorry to hear about this. Have you seen a midwife yet for your booking appointment ? Please tell her.

Also phone your local social services tomorrow and they will arrange for a social worker to come and see you. They will want to know about your circumstances and about your baby’s father.

They will see if you could keep you baby with support or if baby could go to anyone suitable within your or the fathers extended family.

Please be assured that no one can make you keep a baby you don’t want. And there are many families waiting RIGHT NOW to adopt your baby if that turns out to be the best option.

You might also be able to meet the adoptive parents if you would like that .

twinmummawingingit · 19/10/2018 07:32

Hi @Jknlxo

I'm a SW. You can voluntarily place your baby for adoption, it is called "relinquishing at birth". Contact your local children's services team (google should point you in the right direction).
Explain your circumstances and they should send a SW to talk to you.
As the poster above said, SS will want to explore if the father or other family members are an option first, I know this may be difficult if you don't want wider family to know but SS do have a duty to do this under the law.
Also raise this with your midwife, it's important as it demonstrates your consistent thought process.
It is the case that mothers of relinquished babies often change their minds and so SS need to be very careful about planning for all eventualities.

I hope that helps.

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 08:32

Thank you I can’t even believe this is happening I feel so let down i should of been able to have an abortion I feel like I’m going to be the bad one bringing a kid into this world then just dumping it into care but I cannot have this baby, the father isn’t around so he isn’t an option and my family aren’t either I wouldn’t want it in my family even if someone could have it, it sounds awful but I hate it I just want it gone I think I’m angry because I’m being forced to have it I don’t think it’s fair my mental state has gone down the drain since this happening and I just need reassurance that the baby will be taken away straight from birth I don’t want to have to deal with it I certainly won’t be taking it home as I have two children already aged 4 and 5 and I’m not about to try and explain this to them and mess their heads up, nothing will ever change my mind on this, I haven’t been to the midwife yet I can’t bring myself to I don’t want to be checked over or touched or hear the heartbeat I don’t want a scan I just don’t want it it makes me feel sick the thought of having to go into social services and actually say this out loud, it would make me happy though if I could find a nice family to have it someone who really wants a new born baby

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gimeallthecake · 19/10/2018 08:40

Gosh @Jknlxo it sounds like your having a really tough time with this.

The others posters offered some really great links and advise I hope you take them up on it.

You could also ring crisis pregnancy for some support through all of this.

How far along are you? Have you told your family?

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 09:06

I’m 19 weeks and 3 days, no one knows apart from one of my friends, I just keep thinking how am I going to explain this to everyone! My family will go mad they’ll be disgusted in me, I think it’s awful that the nhs waiting list is that long I can’t be seen even under the legal limit of abortion, it’s shocking even the way she said to me well you’ll just have to have it, I was even looking at abortion tablets online that’s how desperate I felt, they’ve tried hospitals all over the uk to see me but with no luck, I said to them this isn’t right I need help and if i took it into my own hands and for example ordered them tablets online and did something I’d be the one who would get in trouble, I was naive in thinking it would be like America abit where you can choose and pick a family to have your baby I guess it’ll be whereever there’s space and the ss say is suitable, I keep panicking that they won’t take it straight from birth and I’ll have to run off and leave it in the hospital! My thoughts are crazy

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Ilovedotcotton · 19/10/2018 09:21

There’s something very odd about this. You shouldn’t have to wait for more than two weeks for an abortion from first appointment. This confirms this:

What kind of GP ’doesn’t want to know’? They can’t just turn you away if you’re within the legal limit. If this is true, you need to see another GP.

gimeallthecake · 19/10/2018 10:07

@Jknlxo I totally know how you're feeling as I've recently had an unplanned pregnancy as a single parent of 2 and I completely get the crazy range of emotions you're going through right now. I would ring the crisis centre and they can help you make sense of your situation and look at all your options. In fact the only thing that helped me through that time was speaking to people. Try another GP, get a peri natal counsellor, speak to a social worker, speak to your midwife even if you don't want to (she's helped many women in your position). Family might be initially shocked but ultimately they might be able to help you get the support you need.

gimeallthecake · 19/10/2018 10:08

Can I ask why you think your family will be mad with you for being pregnant again?

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 10:43

I know i can’t believe it I said to her surely you can’t just turn me away n just say you’ll have to have it! Surely that can’t even be allowed! I’ve still got like 4 weeks left until I’m at the legal limit! The referrals team said it’s because there’s very few hospitals that do it up to the limit in the uk but I know this is a lie as my sister in laws cousin had one at the local hospital at 22 weeks! My family would be disgusted cause I already have 2 children and I’ve struggled enough with them their dad isn’t around I went through bad domestic violence I had postnatal depression and depression I even ended up in a mental hospital I couldn’t possibly cope with another child it’s out of the question but I just don’t even want it anyway! I feel sad that it’s even come to me having to consider adoption, it makes me feel sick thinking I’d have a third child out there somewhere who could possibly try get in contact when it’s older I wouldn’t want that, I should of been given an abortion I was trying to do the right thing

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Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 10:49

Also I’ve rang my doctor 4 times in the last 3 days I’ve tried to go in to talk to them in person they wouldn’t give me an appointment, I was obv a mess I was crying down the phone and begging them to help me and they’ve not done a thing someone was supposed to ring me back at 9 this morning but I’ve not heard anything my friend keeps telling me to keep ringing and not give up but it’s hard when I’m not getting anywhere it’s like I should just give up but then I really feel like I need to try any option I can but I know deep down what it’s going to come to

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LexieLulu · 19/10/2018 10:57

Could you afford to go private?

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 11:28

@LexieLulu well the first clinic I had my appointment with was a private clinic, I had my first app there they scanned me said it was fine then gave me an app for 2 n half weeks later to have the surgical abortion, I get there on the second app go down to the surgeon so he can put a cannula in my hand and start things off he asks to scan me first which I thought was odd then basically he said he can’t do it there because the placenta is low down lying where my c section scar is, so it’s in the way, I said please just do it anyway but then the nurse said they can’t because their a private clinic they don’t have the things needed incase it goes wrong like bags of blood if I need a blood transfusion they said it’s risky and needs to be done in an actual hospital so they put a referral in and I’ve Been chasing it up since Monday and had no luck with any of the hospitals, I can’t believe they can’t just put back someone who isn’t as far gone as me and fit me in somewhere surely it’s something they have to do! I’m so desperate you don’t understand I’ve even thought about overdosing hoping it’ll harm it and it’ll go, I feel angry that I’ve been left and I’ve come to thinking these things, my last option is either order these abortion pills online or ask the clinic I went to in the first place if they’d be willing to scan me again say in like a week to see if the placenta has moved but I’m literally just hoping for a miracle

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motheroffourcats · 19/10/2018 11:40

Hi . I'm really sorry to read of your situation. I think if no-one appears to be listening to you contact the Samaritans by phone or perhaps take yourself to local A & E and tell them there is a problem with the unborn baby and you need to see a doctor/midwife urgently. It's a bit naughty but surely the location of the placenta could have altered sine that day.
It is your absolute right (in the UK) to have the abortion you clearly want and need. Do not risk your health/physical health/mental health. Get a second opinion from a different GP at the practice. Do not suffer alone. Well done for posting on here. XX

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 12:53

I’ve just spoke to my gp she rang the clinic for me to see what the update was, nothing though they said the same to her as they did to me, I rang bpas again they said the same to me I said omg I cannot believe this is even allowed to do just leave someone without the help I need! I’m shocked I really am and I’m so angry id understand If I was right at the limit but surely someone in the uk could fit me in in the next 3 weeks!

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gimeallthecake · 19/10/2018 14:04

@Jknlxo ok please please don't take an overdose or order pills online.

Is it possible to be referred to a different hospital?/private hospital for the procedure?

Have you spoken to someone at crisis pregnancy?

You can also ring someone here :

Could you ring Samaritans?

Kr1stina · 19/10/2018 14:35

Ifeel like I’m going to be the bad one bringing a kid into this world then just dumping it into care

You would not be dumping the baby in care. You baby would go to specialist baby foster carers and then onto the adopters. Or in some agencies, the baby can go straight from hospital to the adopters.

Some social workers will let you have some input into the decision about who adopts the child. You might get to read a short anonymous profile about two or three different families and you can give your views.

There are plenty “spaces” - lots of lovely families are approved and waiting now for a new baby. The child would have a loving family and a happy life.

If you want you can probably meet the adopters and explain why you have made this decision . You can also leave a letter on file for the child to read when they are older.

Neither the social workers our the adopters will think that you are bad for placing your baby for adoption. The Social workers have a duty to explore with you to see if you could keep the baby with support. They HAVE to do this, it’s their job. But they cant make you keep the baby if you are sure of your decision.

No one can make you take the baby home from the hospital, your social worker can arrange all this for you.

You do need to see a doctor or midwife NOW for the sake of your own health, physical and mental. If your don’t want to hear the baby’s heartbeat then you can tell them midwife this.

But you MUST get care for your own sake - there are conditions in pregnancy that can put the mothers health at risk and you need to stay well for your other children .

In sone areas there are specialist midwives who deal with women like your who have complicated and difficult circumstances . Please go back to your GP ( or another one in the pratioce who might be more sympathetic ) and ask to be referred urgently.

I’m guessing that your GP thinks that you get had a termination or pregnancy elsewhere by now. Please tell them how had you feel and that you are thinking of self harming.

I know that you are understandably angry about your circumstances, but please do not take any pills or do anything to hurt yourself. This is very risky and you could end up injured or dead. And you have two children already who need you.

If these thoughts come back again, please phone the Samaritans. Remember that whatever happen, this pregnancy will be over one way or another in 20 weeks. Your 4 and 5 year old children need you for the rest of their lives .

Kr1stina · 19/10/2018 14:44

You need to prepare yourself for the fact that you might not be able to get an termination of pregnancy now. Many doctors do not wish to perform a surgical abortion at this stage as the baby is only a few weeks away from being viable.

I think you need to have a Plan B in case your plan A isnt possible now.

I’m sorry, i know this isn’t what you want to hear.

Whatever happens you need real life support now. Please phone social services and your GP today and make appointments for Monday. Phone the numbers you were given up the thread too.

Jknlxo · 19/10/2018 15:08

I know I think I have accepted the fact that I’ll be left to have it which is so sad to me, I can’t believe this is happening, I understand that the social workers and hospital won’t think bad of me for putting it in care I think I’m more concerned what my family and friends will think, I think about what will I say to the other parents at my children’s school when they say aww your pregnant then 20 weeks later There’s no baby, my children’s dad I went through bad domestic violence with even tho ss have done an evaluation on him and said he’s safe to see the children now I dread to think what he would say or do, my family would be disgusted, I feel so guilty on my other kids I just want to be normal again and be ok for them I feel like I can’t get past this, the referral team spoke to me this afternoon they said maybe if I go a&e like someone suggested before on this post and say there’s been problems and see if they can scan me with the hopes that the placenta has moved and then maybe the clinic I went to at the beginning could do it for me but I don’t know it’s probably a long shot I suppose it’s worth one last try though

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YetAnotherBeckyMumsnet · 19/10/2018 17:07

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Flowers
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

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