I need to put my unborn baby up for adoption!

[Jknlxo]

Hi hopefully I’ll get some help from on here, I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant I already have two children and I just can’t have this third baby under any circumstance I just don’t want it, I did go for an abortion trying to do the right thing but the clinic said they couldn’t do it because the placenta was in The way and it would need to be done at a hospital anyway the nhs have turned me away said the waiting list is too long and I’ve just been told basically I have to have it, this isn’t an option for me so how would I go about finding a suitable family for This unborn baby! I want it took away straight from birth

@Jknlxo these are all practical things that your social worker would be able to help you manage ie telling your kids and family.

I really think reaching out and getting some help will help you make sense of all that you're going through. It's an extremely tough time and I totally get where your head is at.

I know i just guess actually talking about it to someone and starting the process is gonna make it real and I don’t want it to be, Its gonna stress me out when they question me and suggest I keep it or ask if someone in my family can have it cause it’s out of the equation it will never happen, now I’m scaring myself that they won’t take it away and I’ll be stuck with it I sound mental but my mind is racing and now I’m thinking of ways to hide the bump which is obv going to be hard I wish i could find a suitable family online people I know will love the baby and just act like it’s their own someone I could have at the birth ready to take it home with them

You don't sound mental you just sound scared. And I get it I was scared too. If talking to your family right now isn't an option then you need to speak with crisis pregnancy or Samaritans. Honestly offloading all this stress and worry will make it easier for you to make a decision.

Has your friend been supportive? Maybe they could go with you when you meet a social worker?

My family would never understand, one of my friends know and she’s supportive but doesn’t live close, I keep thinking of excuses I can say like the baby has a condition so it won’t live when it’s born then just put it up for adoption so no one knows! I can’t bare everyone knowing I’m havin a kid to put it in care no one will understand that I have no other option, I’ll have to meet with the social services I’m going to record every meeting so they can’t screw me over I don’t trust them I don’t trust anyone now I don’t know who to talk to tbh, I could do with seeing someone face to face someone I can meet and chat to just so I’m not on my own I don’t even know what to do about my mental health it’s bad

Well you can discuss with your doctor about antidepressants or anti anxiety meds that are safe to take while you're pregnant. I took lexapro when I was pregnant to help with my anxiety and it made a massive difference. I went from feeling like a crazy lady to relaxed within the space of a week. And the clarity that came with that helped me make a decision.

Start first with ringing someone on the links provided below and see if they can point you in the direction of a local support centre for you?

Have you had experience with social services before? I think a social worker would be the best person to tie you into all the supports you need
To get through this.

I know you don’t want it to be real but I’m afraid you need to see a doctors / midwife asap and also a social worker.

You cannot find a family yourself , online or any other way. Private adoptions are illegal in the Uk and anyone who would agree to this with you is very dodgy and not the kind of person you should give a kitten to, let alone a baby.

And it won’t work - everything has to be done legally otherwise the adoption won't be valid and you will still be the legal parent, which isn’t what you want at all is it ?

Your social worker will arrange for someone to collect the baby from the hospital and advise on what to tell people. They will talk you through everything that will happen.

Did you phone to make appointments today ?

I might ask my doctor for that then and see if they’ll prescribe me that for my anxiety because I feel like I could die when it kicks off I can’t calm down, ive had experience with social workers before as I went through domestic violence with the children’s dad whilst I was pregnant with my first and it wasn’t a good experience at all they basically treated me like I was the bad one and lied about things I’d said im surprised I didn’t miscarry with my first tbh because I was that stressed and angry and upset all the time so now I don’t trust them, I feel like their just going to look down at me and then accuse me of being a shit mum to my other two but I know that’s not the case my first two are amazing I’m so lucky to have them, but I know I’ll have to go through the ss for this I’m just dreading it, I haven’t made any appointments yet I keep hoping for a miracle and that I’ll miscarry or something goes wrong with my placenta I’ve been in abit of pain and I keep hoping it just happens naturally I know I sound cruel but it’s how it’s made me feel, I think some of it is anger because I’m basically being forced to have it and now I resent the baby for it, every time it moves it knocks me sick I cant believe I’ve not been given an abortion it just doesn’t seem right!

Do speak to your doctor and see what help you can get be it anti depressants or some counselling or both. It's very hard to look after the two smallies if you're this stressed.

Hi guys just want to say thanks for everyone who replied to me it really helped just talking to people outside of my family etc, I really appreciate it, just a quick update to let yous know that a hospital in London has accepted me to do the surgery on me! I couldn’t believe it I got the call today she said it was the last place they tried in the uk but they said yes! I’m so happy I feel so overwhelmed although I do feel abit guilty getting rid of it is the best thing for me and my kids right now! Fingers crossed it all goes ok I go for an overnight stay next week xx thanks everyone xx

Heyy,
Just a thought, there are many families out in the world who would be incredibly happy to adopt a child. If you go through a octal services you could give this child a life with someone who has maybe been praying day and night to have a child.
As a person who isn’t currently going through the adoption
Process, I just feel like maybe the baby deserves a life? it might not be with you but could be with someone who is in need of this baby to shower their love over.
Just a thought.
Good luck
:)

Sally, carrying a baby to term and giving it up is an incredibly difficult thing to do. The op has explained her family situation. She has made her decision, which I'm sure has not been taken lightly, and that should be respected.

No it definitely hasn’t been taken lightly and I agree that there are families out there who would take care of it but mentally it would ruin me knowin I have a child out there and I don’t know how it is what it’s doing having to explain to my other kids maybe having to face up to it later on in life, my friend did it and I know what it’s done to her she’s never been the same since, I should never of got pregnant it’s my own fault but I can’t change anything now I can only do the right thing for myself and my two children and that’s to get rid, I’m sure you’d have something to say if I was just popping out loads of kids and on the dole but I’m not I work full time and I stil don’t have the money for a third child I’m being realistic, I think it’s more cruel to bring a baby into the world knowin I don’t want it and palming it off on someone who might not even look after it! Imagine suggesting to every girl who got pregnant and didn’t want to keep it to have it and then just give it away don’t be so stupid!

And there’s PLENTY of children in care already who could be adopted and looked after

@Jknlxo you don't have to justify your choice to anyone. It's your body and your life. I'm glad you've got the outcome you were hoping for. I will just say that counselling would still be a good option for you as an abortion is an incredibly stressful procedure no matter what your circumstances.

Just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers and thoughts. This is an incredibly difficult time for you. I have not commented to date on this thread mainly because I felt I had no constructive advice but have been following with concern for you. I was deeply upset by sally’s comment on your behalf and wanted to say you are right to make the decision that is right for you. Sally everyone makes decisions based on their own unique make-up and situation. The comments that she has already made on this thread show that she is deep turmoil and not rushing into this without prior thoughts. Now is not the time to push people’s own personal views. Now is the time to pray (if you pray) or send positive thoughts to the OP for the way forward because no matter what road she takes we and she knows she is in for a long emotional road to recovery. Praying that you find a strong support system that will see you through the coming weeks both emotionally and practically.

It's your choice. You know best. Other people waiting to adopt is NOT your responsibility.

You have to think about you, your children and your mental health.

I'm glad to read you are getting some help.

This is absolutely your decision and you do not need to justify it to anyone. I hope all went well with your procedure. Take care.

Jknxlo you are absolutely right. You have made a well reasoned, caring and thoughtful decision. I wish you and your family all the best.

This thread is from October

The last update was that the OP had decided not to proceed with the pregnancy so I hope she doesn't see your comment.

I don't think you are horrible mummytooscarlet, but you are going through a bad time.

I'm sorry for your losses, but you can't expect another woman to base her decisions on someone else's experiences, however sad they may be. Its not fair to try and make her feel guilty.

I hope you are getting support

That is your thoughts and you have every right to them but this thread is not the time to air them.