So, national adoption week...

[MagicKeysToAsda]

I'm going to take the opportunity to ask: how is everyone doing?

I'll go first: DD is doing great, physically, academically and socially hugely ahead of the expectations for her when she came home 4 yrs ago. My current worries are about her being obviously vulnerable/ a target for bullies. Anyone who has good resilience tips for an emotionally fragile 7 year old, I'm all ears! I'm doing alright, just about managing the single person work vs parenting juggle, and some days even with enough energy to enjoy work... That's mainly due to losing 5 stone and taking up running

How about you? How's the DC, your self-care, and anything else you care to write about?

Hi, we’re 11 months into placement, i’m A single adoptor with a 2 year old.

AO went through in the summer, i’m Back at work, new normal has begun, she’s very settled and we’re in a good groove and both very happy!

Work life balance is actually good, i’m a nanny and DD is at preschool mornings so I get 2 hours mon and fri for my own life admin etc, fri is pre weekend sortout and Mon is post weekend tidyup, I try and keep weekends free of housework etc to focus on DD.
I feel very blessed and lucky!

We are awaiting a date for the adoption hearing for our twins. They are doing incredibly well and it feels like they have always been here.

Both have additional needs which I believe is trauma related. DD was thought to have autism but I don't think she does.

The main thing we struggle with is illness. They have been unwell 8 times since placement (approx 4months) with various things which is hard on everyone. We are just recovering from the latest bout.

I have finally got used to the idea of not working which took a while and am enjoying being off.

You lost 5 stone Asda?!

That’s amazing - you need to tell me more because 5 years in I’m still in the ‘excuse making’ stage.

We’re all doing okay. Just about know how to cope with most of DD’s, erm, idiosyncrasies, starting to find out now what Ds’s are. Coping strategies to follow. (I hope.)

twinmumma, I permanently felt like I was skiving when I was on leave, in spite of it being the hardest thing I ever did. (Whereas right now, I really am skiving - kids are in school, so I’m going back to bed. 😀)

Lovely idea for a thread Asda - am looking forward to reading everyone's responses.

As for me, DH and I are languishing in Stage 1 due to our agency's seeming inability to send out the right enquiries and monitor their return. How hard can it be? It's not the end of the world - not too concerned about the delay at this stage but it is super worrying that they can't seem to get simple things right. Makes me wonder how they'll handle the really important stuff.

On a more positive note, I think we've come through the big "is this the right thing?" wobble we had early on. Feeling realistic about the challenges without being totally overwhelmed and put off. So onwards and upwards, I hope! Can't help thinking our LO is out there somewhere and needs us...

Can I join in?? Slowly.... oh so slowly working my way through stage 2. So fully immersed in the reflective difficult stage. Hopefully panel early in the new year .... excited muchly!!

I have come to accept that the process is so long (well its not really but when in the middle of it it sure does feel long!!) because my child isn't quite ready yet.... and if I were to be approved quicker it might not be the right time for them!!

Desperately trying to stop overthinking thinking the whole thing and trying oh so hard to stop it taking over my life.... but its soooo difficult when all I want to do is buy and plan and decorate spare rooms etc etc!!

DS has been with us over year and things are amazing. He has settled in really well, and we haven’t had any problems....so far(!). He is such a delight, affectionate and loving, learning new things every day, and such a happy child. I couldn’t love him more than I do now.

Joining in. Nearing the end of Stage 1 (if only my SW would reply to my emails!!). Can't wait to get to Stage 2 and just crack on with it all. Very much like reading the responses about how everyone's families are doing. Thank you for sharing.

5 years ago we adopted our two little uns and it feels like a life time ago!! They are amazing, resilient, full of nonsense, bold, brave, exhausting, cute and totally full on and definitely ours! We have our moments but could never have dreamed of having such a relatively easy time of it all things considered. The first year was ridiculous but now we have 2 siblings who have a pretty lovely life and relationship.

To all those grimly enduring the waiting the memory of that does fade eventually! I found it helped a little bit to believe that my future LO wasn't quite ready yet wherever they were, and that the timing would all work out in the end. That's not code for "don't chase your SW" though - absolutely keep on that.

@tldr well I wish I could tell you I cut back slightly on biscuits and it all fell off... It bloody didn't. Took about 18 months all told. I could really do with losing one more but it's tough going. The main thing that worked was fear! GP gave me dire warnings related to blood pressure, and the same week I realised DD could run quite a lot faster than me. Damn it. Lost about 3 stone through food changes (did NOT give up carbs because pasta = life), then started couch to 5k as well. Now I jog very slowly three times a week and actually enjoy it. Madness.

Over 2years and feel like a “normal” family to be honest! Our child is settled, no obvious issues yet. All going well. Beginning to consider a second child...early days. Also, some crap has happened in my family recently and I know social services will tell us to wait until that has resolved itself. Sigh.

I'm going to join in too, two months into placement, the kids are adorable, they have coped better than me! I have found the transition to full time parent a little strange. Love is growing and at times I'm fit to burst with pride. I know the bubble may burst, but I am enjoying each and every one of their daily achievements, long, long, long way to go, with many twists and turns in the road I am sure...but they have navigated so much already and seem to grow in confidence each day.

Lo has been with us for sixteen months. Our adoption order was granted in June. He amazes me everyday. Watching him over come such a difficult start and thrive fills me with pride. Best decision I've made.

Giddy, if you know which way is up two months in, you’re doing phenomenally.

asda, I’m in awe. (And eating a galaxy, so not quite ready to join you yet...)

Our lo has been with us just over 3 years. Never a dull minute! Absolutemy love what adoption has brought us (apart from the tired bit ;)

Thanks @tldr, enjoy the Galaxy, I found a liking for cheese and ham toasties yesterday (and had two lots)...slippery slope!

Hello, lovely thread. Big boy has been home for just over four years. He has just started reception and is an outgoing, smiley, bonkers whirlwind. We are so proud of him, he just goes for life with everything he has.

Baby has been home for nearly a year. He is a chunky, messy, into everything little scamp.

They are amazing. No issues to date (other than having two bonkers, noisy, exhausting boys) I could pinch myself. How did we get so lucky?!

We were approved 10 years ago this month. Ds has been with us 8 years. I just mentioned this to DH. Huh he said little did we know.
And that's true, we thought we knew so much back then about attachment loss and trauma. We had barely touched the tip of the iceberg. The steps back you go through and the leaps forward.
We adopted again 3.5 years ago and how different they are.
No regrets at all but I do know we've normalised things that leave other parents agog.

We're 11.5 months into placement with DD who is 21months. I'm back at work and she is back to rejecting Daddy and older sister.

I'm hoping it settles down again soon as it's been chaotic since the start of the summer holidays- she really doesn't like anyone else taking my attention.

To me though she is adorable and very affectionate and funny.

We are 10 years post adoption.

DD1, 19, has had a rocky 3 years which has been hard and I'm not sure it is sorted yet, but it could be worse. I am sure things will resolve one way or another.

DD2, 14, has some good friends, but finds school a struggle from an academic and environment point of view, though school is very supportive.

Overall positive.

What a lovely thread!

We’ve just been approved (a week today!) and I’m impatiently waiting for the ADM to ratify!

Trying to be realistic about waiting for a match and manage our expectations. Half terrified and hoping we have a bit of time to gather our breath after the assessment and de clutter the house etc and half wanting everything to happen RIGHT NOW!

Enjoyed reading others experiences on here... newbies and veterans alike

Iggy congratulations.

The wait between approval and matching can be the hardest as there is not much you can really do to help things along. I agree carry on with decluttering. Also have lots of short notice (< 3 months away) holidays. It gives an excuse to contact the SW "we are thinking of going away next month, any reason why we shouldn't?".
If you haven't already, agree with your SW how frequently they will contact you (e.g. every 6 weeks) - it will mean that if they go over that time you won't feel you are badgering them if you contact them.

Awwww, thank you! We’re super chuffed and still pinching ourselves! I keep saying to DH this must be what a successful 12 week scan feels like! (In our 7 pregnancies we only got to the 12 week scan stage 3 times and none had a happy ending) it feels like walking on air!!!

Thanks for the advice! That’s really really helpful. We’ve actually just returned from a glorious 2 weeks on a very secluded un-child friendly island where we lazed on empty beaches and snorkelled all day. (Sorry not sorry if that sounds like boasting )

Our SW said he’s already had interest in us pre-panel (they don’t do pre-panel matching in our area) which again...that tiny nugget of info has got my mind whirring and I keep reminding myself that ‘interest’ doesn’t equal ‘our baby/child’

Thanks again for your lovely response

We’re 14 months in with our two ages 5 and 7. It’s been a rollercoaster of a time, we’ve all had our challenges in adjusting to family life but the kids are doing very well indeed, becoming more settled each passing day. They have a lovely relationship with each other and they melt my heart daily. Hard but oh so very happy wouid be my summary.

That’s so heartening to hear jellycat! Your posts first came to my attention when they came home. Around the same time we started considering adoption! I remember you had some wobbly times in the early days!

Been really enjoying reading these. Hats off to everyone (especially as I'm basically assuming we've all had struggles along the way), I hope it's been a good week.