Has anyone had their child adopted?

[sirius5]

I hope this doesn't shock anyone too much. I really don't want to cause anyone pain or bad feelings if they were adopted themselves but I don't know the first thing about it and so am hoping for advice/ experience, if anyone would be kind enough to share.

I'm pregnant and due next week. I'm trying very, very hard to be positive about it, I have a beautiful son of four years old, and love babies...however, the father of this second one is awful, a bit unhinged really, I'm no longer with him but I cannot imagine being able to love his child, and am very frightened of that...I haven't looked at the scan pictures since I got them, I don't want to see it and I'm terrified it will look, or be, like its father.

I'm holding it together most of the time but am having times where I just feel so very depressed and miserable, it all feels wrong, the whole pregnancy has been horrible and lonely. Feels like a huge mistake, and I could not bring myself to have an abortion at the start because I was still with him and thought I could love the baby...hate abortion anyway.

I don't know what to do. Will I be able to love it, will I be able to face the inevitable visits / access by its father, will everything it does remind me of him?
I was alone last time too, the difference being that I loved my first child's father to the ends of the earth - and when his child reminds me of him, I don't mind because I loved him.

Please don't think I blame the baby in any way, it was my own stupid fault and I wish it hadn't happened, I just want the baby to have thebest life it can and am afraid it will know I don't love it, when it could potentially be with parents who could give it that love.

What is it like to give up a child? Could the father take it away (I'd rather anything than have him bring it up himself, he drinks and was emotionally abusive to me and my child) and what is the procedure?

I've tried to make enquiries beofre but met with fairly hostile/judgmental/dismissive responses even from the charities I thought were there to advise.

Thankyou so much.

yay for you! So glad it has worked out.

Congratulations.

arrh, also just read the whole thread

this is my first thread I have read on here and have tears

I am so so happy for you, congratulations

All I can add is thjat I am so happy for you both. Well done - you are truly courageous. x

congratulations you overcame adversity and hard times and your personal strengths and humor and compassion and mothers love have resulted in a happy wee family of 3 - awwww

This has just brought a tear to my eye. Well done and stay strong your love for your children is amazing. Make sure you look after yourself.

What a lovelymum you are

what a lovely result

congratulations on your beautiful boy

I thought about getting my dd adopted just after she was born as she was the product of rape and her father was extremely abusive which had driven me to becoming unhinged in a serious way.

I was very honest with SS but crucially honest about why I wanted to have dd adopted and they supported me to such an extent that I was able to keep dd but it was not easy especially as she looks like her father and every now and again she does and says something that sends a cold shiver down my spine. I have been lucky to meet a new partner that more than makes up my difficulties and issues with dd. There have been times when it has been difficult but I have been able to love dd, perhaps not in a different way to other mothers.

From a different angle I have siblings who were adopted due to my own father and mantain to this day that she made the right decision as although I don't know them I feel sure that they have had a much easier life than myself.

sirius5 have just seen your latest post and I wanted to offer my congratlutions you seem to be doing so much better than I was.

Ought to own up I think. Just for those of you who know me x

Still going well...

Thanks again, so much, for all the help you all gave me. I'll never forget it, things might have been different if I hadn't been able to talk here.

so glad everything is continuing to go well.

What a psitive outcome to a thread.

Congratulations.

xxxxx