What are grandparents rights for adoption??

[lijaco15]

Our 3 week old grandchild is being removed from my son's girlfriend into foster care. She has emotional problems and been through care herself. Does anybody know procedures and what rights we may have as grandparents???

Good Luck lijaco15 - hope there are some happier endings to what really is such a sad story

There is now going to be another court hearing on Friday. I am really glad that grandson has been kept with foster carer and not moved. We are now going to be assessed as carers, but court will set the time of when etc now. We have a solicitor who is very good. Hopefully things will start to move along now. It is just all very frustrating.

Good Luck!! Hope things go your way.

PLease, whatever your thoughts - make sure that everything you do or say demonstrates how this is for the benefit of the child. However you feel PLEASE DON'T slag the mum off - keep it positive and try to put forward some plan for how you would make sure contact was/would be available for the child and parents.

I would definately not slag mum off. At the moment she and my son are missing I think they are involved with drugs. I am very worried about them. It is very hard for us as we have to priortise baby or make a hard decision to let him go. If we do this it will feel like a death. We feel like we are already mourning a son. This has had a huge impact on our lives. The girlfriend really needs help and I feel like ss have already failed her.

you are mourning a son and i really feel for you. you are grieving for the hopes and dreams you had for him, which seem shattered at the moment.

just like the rest of us, you probably imagined him growing up and going to college or getting a good job, buying a flat and being happy with a partner, maybe having kids one day. Not that he would take up with a girl who seems very unhappy and troubled, have a very volatile reltaionship, maybe be involved with drugs, have a baby at 17 and run off abandoning his child to the SS.

you must also be blaming yourslves - not because its your falut but thats what we tend to do as parents. keep wondering what we did wrong and how we have failed them. Its so hard to really believe that they make their own choices, and sadly lots of good and loving parenst have kids who make very foolish decsions and mess up their lives

lijaco15 - any news yet?

please let us know how the court hearing goes. i have been thinking of you and your family. i hope you hear from your son soon

I managed to track down my son at a flat that is so awful. He looks so ill very thin, full of scratches and spots. I took him to the shop and bought some food as he had none in and hadn't eaten all day. He told me how girlfriend attacks him and spits on him. He won't come home because she follows him and harms herself. She has said if he goes home she will go to the police and say that he has raped her! He assures me that he isn't doing drugs, but she has told social worker thst he is. He doesn't want to get involved with social worker or court because he fears what she will say. I am so torn because I feel that my son needs my help. I am scared that they will allow her to have baby and she is so viscous. I was already aware of her attacks on him and they have been very violent, but nothing I can do because he will not speak up.

Surely the GF has demonstrated that she is not responsible enough to look after the child by the way she disappeared from the foster carers. I am so glad you found your son because even though he is in a horrible place atleast you know he is relatively safe. He KNOWS you love him because you sought him out and gave him support. You must feel that you are being swamped by the situation. Glad you have got a good solicitor and that you are getting some support from mumsnet. Many mumsnetters thoughts are with you.

lijaco15 - I'm so peased that you've found your son whatever the circumstances. O know from experience with DD2 that its not easy seing your child wiht someone who has the potential to cause so many more problems than already exist. All I can say, is hang in there. He will get to a point when he needs you more than his GF. {{{HUGS}}}

how are things this week lijaco?

My son has come home because he cannot cope with his g.f. anymore. She is in need of help and I feel for her as she has nobody. I have to help my son though as she is violent to him, is obsessional with cleaning and has to have everything a certain way. She has been saying allsorts of evil things that I don't want to go into. He is marked on his body and he is constantly spat upon. He stays with her because she will harm herself and there social services are not listening to him. He has now got a solicitor and seems very positive. I do feel that he needs counselling as he is very affected. I know that baby is safe with foster carer even though she allowed us to visit once when we did not know weather we could or not. She told us not to tell s.s. or baby would be removed. She also allowed my son to stay when it was not permitted. I haven't told s.s. as we did not want to risk losing the right to long term carer. She bragged about her child going to a private school and the costs!! I hope people don't foster for money!!!!!!!!!! Now she has has large portraits done of baby in her front room according to my son. I can't help feeling cheated. I would like to also say that if we have to let baby go and be adopted please don't think that all babies come from families that don't care. After reading the adoptions I feel reassured that there are genuine people out there wanting to love and cherish a baby and we couldn't ask for anything more.

lijaco15

I don't think anyone on here will think badly of you or your family should you decide to have your grandchild adopted, as it clear when reading your thread that you do love both your son and his child but are doing what is best in this horrible situation.

I hope your family get the help that you need.

lijaco15 - as I told someone else last week - I would throw myself in front of a speeding lorry for my (adopted) son without hesitation. There are many loving parents for small babies queuing up if thats what you decide is right.

You may also be able to arrange some kind of ongoing contact if the baby is adopted even if only letterbox contact a couple of times a year. Discuss it with his social worker.

It is the start of our assessment tomorrow. It has to be completed within a month. I am a bit scared but things seem to be moving forward. I feel positive about this. Does anybody know what they may ask us???

lijaco - how's the assessment going? have you been able to see your grandson? and how is your son coping?

I can tel you that the assessment process is very hard as they ask a lot of difficult questions. I felt drained after my assessment as I had on e on my own. My husband has had one on his own. The next one is together. It seems to be that we both felt grilled. We have another assessment on our own along with police checks. My son is being assessed also seperately. Things are going very well for him, he has now split up with his girlfriend, looking forward to going to college in September. We are so relieved. Speaking to my son's solicitor we have been told that assessment is going well. WE are being considered as legal gaurdians. Contact is being stepped up. So fingers crossed all may be well. Our assessment is to be completed mid August. We are very hopeful we really want to care for our little Grandson. We miss him so much!

I'm so pleased to hear that its going well . i was thinking about you and your family, its such a difficult time for you all. Its great that your son is thinking of going to college & that you are getting more access to your GS

Thank you for your message Kristina M. It is good to be able to talk about this openly on mumsnet. Can't really talk about it at with other people and I have found the feedback here to be so supportive. Thank you!

It has obviously been a while since all this began - how has the dust settled Lijaco? What happened with your grandson? I hope there's a happy ending!

Do you know it is really weird coming across this thread now!!! My grandson came to live with us permenantly beginning of November 2008. He was moved from his foster placement as an emergency straight to us. Foster carer had become very attatched and was very difficult with me when trying to arrange contacts as we started to have them daily. She was so awkwhard it was awful and she asked very personal questions that eventually drew me to tears. It is ashame because I think my grandsons mother must have found things very difficult with her. Even though she never really had a chance. He is now 18 months old and we are very happy. He is doing really well he is a little chatterbox. We now have special gaurdianship of him and weare very proud. It has been a very difficult time and we have learnt so much from it. I originally posted on mumsnet desperate for advice and really didn't have a clue. Social services admit that our grandson should have come to us as soon as mum left her placement. A lot of mistakes were made really and things written up from s.s. for court were very inaccurate so you can't take everything written as true. But yes the dust has settled and things are good. Mum has letter box contact set up but has not participated as yet. I am now wondering about life story etc. Thank you for wondering.

how lovely, well done.

oh wow Lijaco, I didn't notice that the thread was old, so to suddenly stumble on to the happy post saying that your grandson lives with you and that you have guardianship, that was lovely.