Getting cold feet

[BeckyNW]

We are in that little hiatus period in Stage 2 where we've completed all our training and home study, and are waiting for our PAR to be written and approval panel next month.

Now it's all getting real. Our SW brought profiles of children to our final session and I felt no emotional connection to any of the children.

We are being offered exchange days, activity days, linkmaker access... and I'm not rushing to do any of them.

I know we are both stressed out with the demands of the process along with having a load of building work on our house, but we are both starting to wonder if we want to adopt at all. We are confident we'd be OK parents, but do we want all that comes with it?

For the record it's always been me who's more enthusiastic; DH was quite happy to stay child free and was surprised when I changed my mind at 38. Now we both go through periods of thinking how fab it would be to share our lives with LOs and times when we don't see the point.

Anyone else been here before? How can we decide what to do when it's a permanent, life changing decision either way?

Yes no probblem. The first few pages are of our return visit to Kazakhstan two years ago before it goes into the original blog.

www.simplesite.com/journeytokaz

This is so difficult to answer, but here goes. Listen to your gut, there's no rush. I felt very unsure about adoption, but everyone around us was so happy that we were going to be parents, telling us how we'll never know love like it, and how we were doing such a wonderful thing. In the event, our placement broke down within a month. It was a heartbreaking experience for everyone involved. I'm still confused about what happened and why, but I do wish I'd trusted my instincts. i realise now that I was under enormous (but well meaning) pressure to adopt. If I'd been 100% on board we might have weathered the storm better.

@kewcumber Love your blog, thanks for sharing

Luckybitches I'm so sorry to hear about your placement breakdown. It's not how anyone would want an adoption to turn out. One more reason why I'm keen to take the advice from everyone here to take it slowly, talk lots and try to be very honest about our feelings.

We did go to approval panel and got a unanimous yes decision. At the time it felt rather underwhelming but both of us have been surprised how chuffed we felt when others asked us how panel went.

Also before panel I spoke to the social worker and asked her not to rush with showing us profiles. She totally got it and we made an appointment for a month after panel to discuss family finding. I know that she has enquiries from children's SWs already but she's holding on to them until our appointment.

I think a bit of space is good. By the time the SW visits I'll be itching to see what she brings!