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Adoption

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What would you change about your social worker?

85 replies

Whatshouldmyusernamebe · 11/10/2017 21:34

Just wondered what you found helpful or not helpful from your social worker during your assessment, matching and support after placement?

OP posts:
waitingforafamily · 22/10/2017 07:53

So it's not just our own social worker....

The LO's SW visited us a couple of weeks ago (planned visit) and announced that he was leaving in two weeks. He said that he would visit before he left with new SW to introduce us to her. That didn't happen, he didn't call to say goodbye or see how the the kids were doing. New social worker started, didn't hear from her until we contacted her. I asked her to assist with the AO forms and she said "I am not sure how to fill them in, you need to ask your own SW"! The ridiculous thing is that's what our SW said to us about the forms. She said the children's SW will help you. I mean, come on!!!! 🙄

We had a meeting set up for 3pm Friday and she emailed to say she was running behind. Turned up at 5pm which was right in the middle of dinner and it was chaotic. We sat though the forms and I was practically teaching her how the form should be filled in. If it wasn't so serious it would laughable.

So, I gave her a list of questions to go away with and can only hope she will get the answers before we need to submit the forms in 2 weeks.....

Asked her for an update on BM but she "hadn't got around to talking with her...."
fairly important thing to find out as most adopters would be interested in that prior to submitting forms.

#frustrating

anxious123 · 22/10/2017 08:39

My birth son's social workers hugely varied (4 in the 18 months pre-AO) 2 I had very little to do with so can't comment. One was an absolute Dragon to deal with. Inconsistent, snappy in meetings, felt very much like a "we've got your child now so F off) situation. Repeatedly failed to submit paper work on time whilst giving me the "we do what's best for the child routine" (I argued that securing my LO's future was best for him but that went over her head)
The 2nd last one was fabulous. LO clearly liked her. She responded so patiently and kindly with me. Was evidently respected in her field. His mum responded well to her when we all met. She supervised our goodbye contact at my request and genuinely tried her best for all concerned.

His social worker from child placement is formal, snappy and inconsistent which is annoying as that's who provides post adoption support round here. Took her months to bother to let me know they hadn't received letterbox. Also late to court with paperwork. She wasn't helpful or supportive or either myself or his mum when we met which annoyed me greatly as I had someone really lovely and his poor mum appeared to be going it solo when it was bloody difficult for both of us.

rudeposters1 · 22/10/2017 19:18

@waitingforafamily - Are you always so rude 'waiting something or other'....or just on this forum?
i'm not surprised your sw made you jump through a few hoops, they probably needed a second opinion on whether you could adopt.

and frankly BM is none of your business - SW don't have to update you, they have a duty to protect BM confidentiality - so can make any excuse they want, including....'we haven't got around to talking to her'.....you'd think after your whole 2+ years on the merry go round, you'd know that by now!

thomassmuggit · 22/10/2017 21:02

rudeposters1 What a horrible thing to say.

TunnelofLove485 · 22/10/2017 21:58

Rudeposters- did you really rush off to change your user name to that just to make that post? An incredibly rude post about a rude post? Mind boggling.

CertainHalfDesertedStreets · 22/10/2017 23:20

can make any excuse they want, including....'we haven't got around to talking to her'

Yeah I've seen that here before. But like...why? Why would a professional do that? It's not actually very professional.

If something was confidential wouldn't they just say 'that's confidential' or 'we have that in hand'.

If someone says 'Oh yeah, we haven't got round to this really important thing we were supposed to do' isn't the most likely interpretation of that that they haven't actually got round to the really important thing they were supposed to do rather than that they are running a cunning double bluff? Confused

waitingforafamily · 23/10/2017 06:40

Rudeposter - very weak and pathetic to change your name to offend people. Not sure why you are so rude on here but suspect you are a social worker....

The topic is about what you’d change about your SW.

I was being brutally honest about our experience with them and FYI - we were extremely polite and told them everything they needed to hear to tick their boxes and we were UNANIMOUSLY approved to adopt and UNANIMOUSLY approved for the match. We were also told by them that we were a great adoptive couple who would be easy to match.

We are entitled to know about BM actually and it is important for us to be aware of her situation (generally) her location (in case she moved closer) so we are prepared prior to AO paperwork submitted.

If I turned up 2 hours late for a meeting, failed to bring information required, didn’t complete paperwork needed I would be reprimanded (and rightly so).

#truthhurts

iamnotstinky · 23/10/2017 09:43

waiting I think it is fine to be honest about your experiences and how you feel about them but not ok to attack other posters. I think what your post to jellycat was an unwarranted attack as she had responded to your original reference to "all" social workers. I think also that your points would have been better made with a bit of moderation. There are many children out there needing help and many adopters out there needing help.

I think rude was making the point that if you are taking out your feelings on other people (which is certainly the feeling I have got from your post aimed at jellycat) then it does indicate you need to look at your coping skills, and someone not having coping skills is a red flag when it comes to whether or not someone would be suitable for adoption. I think rude's comments were blunt, but not horrible or unfair or rude. Mine are probably the same.

waitingforafamily · 23/10/2017 10:04

I can cope fine thank you very much. I don’t take kindly to incompetent social workers, of which there are many. If someone opens the door with “what would you change about your social worker” then we are entitled to give our opinion.

My comments were all factual and not opinion based. They were late with paperwork, decisions and all for no reason based on the unanimous approval and very quick match. Our children are amazing and difficult all at the same time but we are happy as pigs in shit.

I’m sure the 6 hour volunteering sessions with kids in a contact centre prepared me for the 3 and 18mo old that we have now 🙄

I’m also sure that the training sessions where we had to hold a piece of string in a group and get all “touchy feely” and the endless amount of “reflecting” we had to do set us up for life 🙄

It’s a protracted and stifling process and one which needs to change for the better it it will put good people off and leave kids languishing in F.C. where they don’t need to.

Rant over and I am done with all the liberal, left wing PC brigade that seem to live on here and just enjoy piping up for no reason other than to dismiss people’s real concerns over a legitimate topic raised.

Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 10:20

Iamnotstinky, I just wanted to support your reply as I thought it was very fair, balanced and polite (after all when it comes down to it if you interchange the phrase PC with the word ‘polite’,and usually you can, it makes perfect sense)

Feels as though this thread has spiralled a little as it often does. Hope it’s still helped you OP.

Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 10:26

Also ‘waiting’ glad to hear your family have brought you so much happiness despite your bad experiences with your SW

Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 10:35

👆🏼Didn’t mean for that to sound patronising waiting...it’s just when I reread your last comment that bit jumped out at me. As someone who’s still waiting to start the process it really helps to hear the end result is happiness for you as it all feels so daunting right now

Whatshouldmyusernamebe · 23/10/2017 10:35

Um...........interested that no one has wondered why I'm asking this!

OP posts:
waitingforafamily · 23/10/2017 10:57

Iggyflop - thank you for your message. I wish you luck if you are just starting the process. My advice is to tell them what they want to hear and jump through all their useless hoops as you have no choice.

Expect slow replies and you have to chase them for the answers you are looking for.

They will ask you the same questions over and over and over again. And just when you think the questions are over you will get asked the same questions at panel.

Good luck and remember that there are lots of kids out there who need people who are willing and able to go through it. It’s just a shame SW don’t see us as good people. They assume you are not worthy until you prove otherwise.

A friend of mine has some connections with government and will be making some waves once they are finalised.

#hopeforchnage

fatberg · 23/10/2017 11:01

They assume you are not worthy until you prove otherwise.

No, they assume they don’t know whether you’re worthy or not. And rightly so.

what, I didn’t answer til now because you didn’t say why you were asking and I don’t recognise your name if that counts 😀

fatberg · 23/10/2017 11:02

Also, nothing at all. She was brilliant.

Whatshouldmyusernamebe · 23/10/2017 11:02

I am a regular just name change often :)

OP posts:
fatberg · 23/10/2017 11:04

But why are you asking? ;)

Whatshouldmyusernamebe · 23/10/2017 11:06

Just interested. I do some work in this field.

OP posts:
Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 11:35

Thanks for your good wishes waiting. I am certainly getting a sense that there’s a game to be played and we have to pick up the rules quickly as we go along and stick to them regardless of whether we agree or not. I hope your friends influence will have an impact and improve things for the children.

I have also worked in the field, being on this group and looking at it from the other side has certainly made me reflect on my own practices (and at times feeling embarrassed at things I got so wrong) My take on it is that people sign up because they want to make a difference but then become jaded, some do stick it out and work their butts off to make the small difference they can...often just quietly getting on with it without much recognition. Others jump ship and go elsewhere when they realise they’re fighting a losing battle, (hence the high turnover of staff) some get used to the ‘culture’ and don’t realise they’re being ineffective OR they become completely apathetic and atrophy sets in until they’re just going through the motions.

In my experience the tone is set by the team managers attitude. I know things have really changed since I was involved to make things more consistent so my views are probably outdated. I can remember noting that Just walking along the corridor and going into different offices the shift in attitudes was palpable. Or if your manager was off and you sought advice from another team manager it would be very different from what your manager might recommend. I did some work with another authority recently and was shocked by how old school their practice was and made me realise how far the authority I work for has come (despite me muttering ‘bloody social workers’ under my breath several times a day 😉)

I guess my answer for you OP (I think I might have figured out who you are...I’ve name changed too!) from a professional perspective is more consistency across the board, and a better understanding of how different teams work and making sure you’re giving the families you work with a consistent message. I’ve worked some cases where there is a PASW and a CPSW are involved and they’re at logger heads and this plays out in front of the family in meetings etc which must leave them feeling very disempowered and lost when they people paid to support them can’t even agree.

Hope that helps!

Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 11:46

Nb when I say how different teams work I mean adoption vs CP or adult services vs Children’s, CAMHS vs social care. The sense I get from this board is there’s an assumption that professionals have much more awareness of other teams remits, what they do and how they work and have the same level of training about different areas of SW as they have of their own. Obviously rightly so. Best practice dictates that they should. I pick up referrals all the time where families have been made inaccurate promises on what we can deliver.

Iggyflop · 23/10/2017 11:50

HA! Back again...this subject is one that opens up a whole can of worms for me and is one I feel passionate about...Just reflecting on the fact that for every SW I mutter under my breath about they’re are usually another 5 fabulous ones but I never mutter about how great they are so it creates a bit of a perception bias. I do try and recognise the ones who have been great and make sure their manager knows.

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/10/2017 13:11

The sense I get from this board is there’s an assumption that professionals have much more awareness of other teams remits, what they do and how they work and have the same level of training about different areas of SW as they have of their own. Obviously rightly so. Best practice dictates that they should.

I don't think best practice does dictate that a SW should have the same level of training across the board. SW covers everything from child protection, to addiction, domestic abuse, childcare and support, adoption and fostering, community care for mental health, community care for disability, community care for older people, criminal justice and protection of vulnerable adults. You seriously expect that they understand the intricacies of all of those teams and their roles and have the same level of training in each?

To take just one of those areas - child protect legislation has changed significantly in the last 7 years. In Scotland there have been 4 pieces of primary legislation, two sets of statutory guidance, one Supreme Court challenge which has impacted implementation of primary legislation and goodness knows how many significant case reviews relating to child deaths. A CP SW needs to know the impact of all of these changes in enough depth to practice. But your argument is that they should also keep up with changes in all other areas of SW too?

That's like saying a lawyer should know all the intricacies of criminal law, conveyancing, family law, commercial law etc etc. We don't expect that though, we go to a lawyer with specialist knowledge of the area we need because we recognise the dangers of inch deep, mile wide knowledge in practice.

Yes SW should be aware of related areas of work, e.g. Eg CP should be aware of how adoption and fostering teams work, be aware of how SW with children and disabilities work but to have the same level of knowledge across the board is as ridiculous as it is impossible.

I've been a child protection SW for 20 years and I'm bloody good at my job, it's one of the hardest, thankless jobs with limited resources and with very poor public understanding of what the job entails and the very real limits placed on us by law. In waitings situation it's entirely possible birth mum simply refused to meet with the SW, has been hospitalised or sectioned - but it would be inappropriate for her to say that and much easier to say "I've not caught up with them yet" than to say birth mum had disengaged, or is off taking drugs or whstever. And actually the reason for not seeing birth mum really isn't anyone's business. It's not the first time I've let someone think I've been inefficient to protect the dignity of a parent or family really struggling with the process.

Yes there are some SW who aren't that great, who struggle with aspects of their role and some who really need to be in another job. Most however get out of bed with the intention of doing their level best for families in whatever area they work in - some days that's easier to achieve than others.

Having been through the adoption process I can see why people get frustrated but the touchy feely, reflective, "hoop jumping" is driven by research and evidence of what helps adoptive parents to adjust and cope. It also helps SW assess whether folk have the capacity to adjust, to reflect on their way of being and make the changes that children might need them to and a day by day basis.

Yes there are always things SW can do better, of course there are, but not all are rubbish - the process is difficult because it is, the legalities are complex and very much drive what happens in practice.

waitingforafamily · 23/10/2017 13:34

What a surprise....you’re a social worker 🙄

The truth hurts...

Jellycatspyjamas · 23/10/2017 13:39

No, very simply your experience doesn't represent absolute truth about a whole profession. But please, keep on asserting that a whole profession are shit if it helps.

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