Do I carry on the search for my biological parents, and how would you feel if your child did it??

[jofeb04]

I've been trying to trace my biological parents for over a year now, and finally social services have an address for me. But, I am really nervous, unsure whether to take it to the next step.

The main thing is I don't know how to tell my dparents, who I love dearly, and would never want to hurt them, so if I decided to take it further, I would have to tell them.

How would you feel if your dc informed you that they wanted to search, and if you are an adoptee, what would you do?
I know this is a sensitive area, so if you want, cat me.

Thanks

My mother was adopted.
She waited until her adopted parents had died before tracing her BM. Although she knew from her own birth certificate what her BM's name was, she didn't want to upset her adopted parents, whom she loved dearly.

She made contact with her BM through an agency, not directly, as she didn't know what reaction she'd get. They wrote to her BM saying that they had info about a relative and was she interested?

In the end the two of them took it slowly and contacted each other through letters and eventually spoke on the phone.
Unfortunately my mother died before they ever had a chance to meet.

My brother and I did meet her after Mum had died, which we just found weird. They turned out to be really quite similar.

It was a shame that they never got to meet, but they were both happy to have made contact.

I have had contact with my bfamily for 24 yrs. It's been bumpy but I felt a really strong need to know about them - to find out about that part of myself which was rooted soemwhere else - in the unknown.

I didn't tell my aparents at first as I knew they would be against the idea - and they were pretty furious when I told them. I think if you can, it is better (unless they are ill or really elderly) to tell them at the start. But in my case, I could not have coped with both processes at the same time. At least knowing that 5 yrs had gone by - they didn't have to wonder if I would just disappear after contact.

It is now possible for bparents and bsiblings to contact adoptees. Not directly - but through a third party so that the adoptee has the right of veto (you cannot get access to the information that would enable you to do this yourself - ie - their new name). If anyone is interested in doing this, contact Norcap: (www.norcap.org.uk/ ), or the postadoption worker at your local social services dept. Jill

If my dd wanted to meet her bio dad (who she has never met etc) I would support her all the way, I would encourage her to wait until she is in her 20's in case she was rejected but other than that I would never ever dream of stopping her.