FfA issues

[Laura25o6]

Hi all

My husband and I are fostering 2 siblings on a FfA. The children have come from a different foster carer family who had them for almost 1 year. My issue is Dd is asking for / pining for previous foster carer. I'm having to keep saying there at work, there on holiday and mummy and daddy are looking after you now etc. How do we come across this hurdle as I really don't want it being an issue. Children have only been played with DH and I since Wednesday gone. So 4 days. Very early days yes I know but I'm new to this and I don't know what to do. Obviously it's weekend so SS / SW aren't picking up their phones as per...

Any advice good or bad welcome please xx

Thanks for reading xx

@sparklybuttired it's 10 weeks after placement that we go back to court (panel) for the full AO. That's when we become their legal guardians xx

@Monkeybrains2017
So did SW advice this happen or did you just do it yourself? Do you need permission to meet FC or can you arrange between yourselves? Xx

We arranged ourselves with SW approval and advice.

@Twogirlsandme
I'd love for LOs to be able to see or just hear voices of FC but I don't want to be getting into trouble for doing it. They have only been apart for a week tomorrow (weds) was hard for DH and I and FCs and their family at us taking LOs. Last night and today has been good. Hardly mentioned FC but I did say other day that we'd draw then a picture and write a letter for them. Could I do this? Xx

@Monkeybrains2017
No worries I'll have a chat with SW when she arrives later xx

Agree 6 months is very outdated thinking. If the child has had a good experience with the foster carer it makes sense for them to maintain that relationship where possible. They have lost so much already. X

How are your little ones getting on op?

We agreed a rough timescale for meeting up at the intros planning meeting and exchanged contact details etc. We then just contacted the foster carers informally to arrange a quick call - it was literally 5 minutes but enough for the DC to know they had their new mummy and daddy's permission to keep loving the foster carers and we talk a lot about how we can love lots of people and how lots of people can love us too.

We had early meet ups with FCs for exactly the reasons pinklady described. DS was 5 when placed with us, and had been with FCs for a long time, and had a really good relationship with them, so went through a grieving process when placed with us, which was heartbreaking, but contact with FCs helped, as did talking about his feelings (in short bursts). We had a lot of contact early on, gradually developing into the current arrangement, where we meet up every 3/4 months.

All of this was at the suggestion of the SWs, who also advised meet ups should take place at ours or at a neutral location, so DS didn't think he was going back to stay with FCs. Thinking about what DS went through as a grieving process helped, as he went through a range of emotions, and the first 3-4 months were hard, but I think it was right for him.
Have you had any response from your SW OP?

Not sure this will help you all and I would never want to make anyone feel bad but as a foster carer we also go through a grieving process when babies/children/young people leave and whilst we understand that this is part of the job it can still be very difficult.

So SW came today and all was fine. Mentioned the LOs missing FC and she suggested we call them. So we arranged it for after tea this evening and my word the children's faces lit up. Was reassured all was well and FC missed and loved them. Both kids said we love you and basically when can we come back to yours. Was told your with new mummy and daddy now and we was keeping them safe etc. Bedtime went so much easier too. LG said don't leave me mummy (I almost cried) told her I'm not going anywhere baby girl. She sniffled and said ok, see you in the morning. LB was just being hyper bouncing on the bed. Lg shouted at him to stop as she wanted her sleep haha. Fingers crossed things are slowly moving forward xx thanks for all advice on here ladies and gents xx

great update