British Sikh couple refused to be allowed to adopt a white child

[MrsD79]

Interesting. Thoughts please..

You have really odd way of getting to know people.

Modern adoption is about who can best meet the needs of children who have generally been traumatised significantly at a very early age. It's not about who has had the toughest road to parenthood, who has the most money, who deserves a child most, or who makes the most politically correct family.

There are lots of areas with minority ethnic children freed for adoption and this couple would do well applying there. Not because Sikh couples can't raise white babies but because it's better for children, generally, to be raised in a family with a similar background.

I've reported OP's most recent post.

MrsD are you part of the couple in this article? You are very defensive about the issue.
They were not turned away due to anything personal. I, as a white lady, was told I would only be able to adopt a white child. I could not support the ethnicity of a child of another race or even one with a religion.
I wasn't offended by this. The process is one in place to protect the children, if it offends the adults then they are not right for adoption.

And if you want to have a "discussion" with people, insulting them isn't the way to do it!

Nope.

tldr
This has certainly taken a turn!
Some very informed, knowledgeable responses here from some clearly experienced adopters (or people who have taken time to learn about modern adoption of course!). It's a shame that the OP has responded so abrasively

You had me at please bitch

My Dh and are active members of a minority Christian religion. We were the first members of this religion our assessing body ( in Catholic Ireland) had met, so there was a big fuss and we were problem applicants.
Btw here is Ireland most adoptions are foreign so lots of adopted children are of a different race to their parents. It's a challenge but mostly works very well.

Im sure this is very simplistic of me to say but if mixed race/ dual heritage couples can have their own children, why cant this couple adopt a child that needs a family? Does social services get involved everytime a baby is born to parents who are from different countries? No they dont. If people have a problem with mixed relationships and the children that come from it they are labelled racist. To me this situation doesnt feel any different.

Yes wizzy, that's very simplistic.

If anyone's interested there's a much more sane version of this thread in AIBU (incredibly).

Bitch please

OP I am not sure if you are new to MN, but I would say that Adoption can be a bit unpredictable.

I would recommend you start again and start a new thread in another part of mumsnet given that this one has gone to pot. Don't take it personally!

Wizzy, on a basic level, at least one of those parents will have experienced the culture, possible discrimination that goes with being of a particular race and can support the child. Lets say for example, a white man and a Jamaican lady have a child. That child may want to know about its Jamaican heritage. What do they eat, how do they celebrate, what traditions do they have? etc. Jamaican mum can answer these questions. Child may experience discrimination. Jamaican mum can share their experiences, how they dealt with it and sympathise. White dad can offer experiences on that side of their background.
Lets say white british couple adopt Jamaican child. What can they offer in response to these questions and experiences? Google?
Another point is that kids don't tend to broadcast the fact that they are adopted. Adopting a child that is quite obviously not biologically yours will invite questions that the child will spend their lives answering whether they want to or not.

bitch please...

I agree I probably sound a bit of a know it all and sarcastic in my last post...I've actually reported myself to have the post removed as I don't think it's a very helpful response. As I said I was very tired and drained st the time of posting (ironically I'd spent the day managing a crisis with a highly traumatised BP who's children have been adopted so my patience was worn very thin) so I apologise for letting my emotions get the better of me.

Just to be clear I was referring to the concept of 'white privilege'

If anyone's interested there's a much more sane version of this thread in AIBU (incredibly).

First (and probably the last) time I'll ever read that on this board!!

Not sure it's Adoption being unpredictable here...

conserve
Bitch, please.

Not sure it's Adoption being unpredictable here...

Chill the fuck up!

(My new fav phrase, too)

It's been fucking ages since someone came over here to have a go at us all.

I kind of miss it

I just feel a bit embarrassed that I took the bait and got reeled in

Oh well, I'll just have to chill the fuck up

conserve was it really necessary to call people twats because of a few typos? Really? What do mean by Not sure it's Adoption being unpredictable here ? You tend to post in riddles which only your cronies understand. Be direct and honest and straightforward - what are you talking about?

Howtodeal - conserve was referring to a website rather than a poster here when mentioning typos.

And it was the OP making it personal by referring to users as bitches - not conserve.

If the thread has gone to pot, it's because of her insults, not everybody else. Frankly, she should take it personally.

Bruno she was referring to a quote given on behalf of the family which the website was not able to edit. Beyond then posts a pretty offensive post which shows she hasn't bothered to find out any facts. Before that op was engaging in a pretty normal way. OP didn't say the couple were entitled because of the 16 times they just commented it was a lot (I think). Allthe then suggests that the two posts i refer to above were just fine because adopters have some strong emotions (?). Not that I condone the bitch comment, I don't, and an apology is in order. But conserve and tldr have been known to try to wind people up on purpose and I don't think the OP should take that personally.