Life story sadness

[Curlywurlyplease]

Name change here

Does anyone else feel incredible sadness at the totally crap life story lo has?? Our lo is nearly 3 so no real awareness yet. My heart just breaks as I know the little world he has awareness off is going to change. Birth story is horrific. I just don't know how to emotionally manage it and to stay strong for lo. Sorry a bit of a babble but just needed to share as we chose to keep life story private to everyone so absolutly no-one knows how terrible it is

Thanks b1rdonawire (is that a Leonard cohen inspired user name btw?) will get that book. We're currently making our way through Sally Donovan and Sarah Naish then will be doing swapsies at the end!

Thanks everyone for reading and replying. Just skimmed it as don't have enough time to read properly at the minute.
It's really useful information and insight for us adoptive parents. I also don't feel so alone in really worrying about handling it badly. I have counselling qualifications etc so kind of know about questioning but as its so close to home I'm too emotional about it.

I know that I have suffered (mildly) from secondary trauma
This is from living with a traumatised child (behaviour) and from learning about the trauma he has experienced.

Self care is very important for all parents but more so for adoptive parents and foster carers.

I hope it goes well for you and your family

Alltheusernamesaretaken321 I am very sorry to hear about the miscarriage.

Thank you Italiangreyhound, it was our 7th miscarriage but we'd decided to give it one last go before exploring adoption. Now I'm just very impatient to start the process

Curlywurly, I hear that, it can be so much harder to put things into practice when it's so close to home and we're emotionally invested.

Alltheusernamesaretaken321 7th. I am so very sorry/

So you know why you have had so many miscarriages?

Would you contemplate treatment with donor eggs? Just an idea.

We're not really sure...the babies we've had tested after the mc have all been genetically healthy. (Also points towards healthy eggs for me) DH and I are too as have both had full kareotypes, all other tests have come back fine. I've had three missed mc (not picked up until a scan) which I suspect are caused by an underlying problem (there's so little research into recurrent miscarriage that there are still probably a lot of undiscovered causes a cause is only found around 50% of the time) three natural mcs that I suspect were typical one off chromosome issues (60% of mcs are) and a fluke ectopic pregnancy.

To be honest, i wouldn't get pregnant again if you paid me! we're just sick of the emotional toll and pregnancy is just horrendous for me...physically because Ive tried lots of awful medications with horrible side effects to try and sustain the pregnancies and mentally because I feel like a ticking time bomb every time! Theoretically if we keep going we'd eventually roll a 6...most people with recurrent pregnancy loss do if they keep trying. One of the most liberating things for us was realising that we don't have to keep doing this and we can still be parents.

We're fortunate that we haven't spent years ttc and haven't spent lots of money on expensive treatments. I get pregnant very easily, there's a theory that some women have an unfussy womb...most wombs have a quality control system where it doesn't allow unhealthy fertilised eggs to implant...other women the womb allows anything to implant but then rejects it later and causes a miscarriage.

I kind of wish we'd decided to stop trying sooner. I was more wary of adoption due to my professional experience as I know it's not a like for like replacement for a birth child but I'm actually really excited about it and it feels great to have stepped off the ttc and miscarriage rollercoaster...(although we kind of joined the queue for another possibly equally bumpy ride!)

Thank you for your kind message

Well, I say we haven't spent years...it's been three years but compared to some fertility journeys it's very short...I have a friend who's recently had her baby after 12 years of fertility treatment!