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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Do SWs truly believe they are Time Lords?

90 replies

ChoccyJules · 05/04/2017 19:09

I can't give details and am not going to drip feed but BLOODY HELL there are some entitled people out there and we can do and say nothing, as usual. Send cake. Booze. Kittens.

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 06/04/2017 23:10

For balance, our PAR assessor was great. Really super. So I agree with comehome on that point.

But still fair enough to rant.

katedan · 06/04/2017 23:50

Sorry I know this is your thread as adopters to vent so prob not the best place for me to post my opinion however I get fed up with the " all SW are incompetent, lazy good for nothings" and just wanted to highlight the other side.

I would hate for excellent people out there to be put off considering adopting as they are worried that their lives will be made so difficult buy their social worker.

Kr1stina · 07/04/2017 07:27

" Excellent people " ( whoever they are ) should consider adoption VERY carefully as one issue is that their life may well be made difficult by their SW. For several years.

Kate - you need to listen to the experience of clients as expressed on these boards . It's sometimes excellent , usually mediocre at best and sometimes a nightmare for the parents and most importantly the child.

Not listening and insisting that your view is the correct one is one of the things that people cititicise. I'm guessing that you have never adopted and yet you are here , on our boards , telling us what it's like for adopters / adoptees / birth families when you have no experience or knowledge of this at all.

If you are indeed a social worker who hates her job you need to vent elsewhere. And if you are an adoption SW who wants to improve her practice you would do well to listen.

Here is an article on understanding privilege and how priviledged people should act when they are in minority spaces . You might find it helpful

blog.shrub.com/check-my-what/#comment-639

Understanding privilege is an ongoing process that will help you to understand how to participate in minority discussion/movements without taking over their space or feeling left out

Learn to Listen Rather Than Speak

This one is a lot harder than it sounds, and I say this as someone who loves speaking and voicing her opinion on things. One of the greatest things we, as privileged people, can bring to a discussion being held by non-privileged groups is our closed mouths and open ears/minds. When you enter a minority space, you need to realize that this is their soapbox, not yours. Your privilege gives you many other soapboxes that you can take advantage of, so when participating in a discussion held by a non-privileged group or individual your primary goal is to pay attention to what they say about their issues, lives, and oppressions
"

cupcakesandchampagne · 07/04/2017 07:58

comehomemax my point was actually that if you know that someone has come onto the thread who might be personally affected by what you are saying, do not push the knives in. It is akin to me having a healthy vent about a colleague in my office, realising my colleague is in earshot, and continuing with the vent. I don't think it is good enough to say well, they shouldn't be there anyway if they dont' want to listen. It wasn't about sw rights vs adopter rights nor which has the moral high ground.

kristina we could all do with taking that advice, listen more!

tldr · 07/04/2017 08:18

cupcakes
You might have a point if choccy's actual SW turned up on the thread. But any old SW turning up on thread? C'mon!

comehomemax · 07/04/2017 09:17

cupcakes sorry, your analogy doesn't work. Choccy started a thread to vent and get support from those that get the frustration even if we don't know exactly what's happened from a confidentiality perspective. This upset a passing social worker who came to read. So we should have to stop discussions that are valid to us because of that? How do we find support then?

In your analogy, discussing a colleague in the office is risky because the colleague is very likely to wander through. Should I be unable to discuss that same colleague in my local or at home in case a different person but someone who does the same job happens to wander through and doesn't like it? Also colleagues = balance and equality supported by HR/union checks and balance. This is a totally different dynamic to sw = adopter relationships.

My sons sw missed deadlines, sent me copied and pasted paperwork that was wrongly recorded, used a wrong name in LAC reviews and on his life story work and didn't phone me on the Friday of a major court hearing leaving me swinging all weekend till I tracked down on the following monday. All were a mix of her poor management style but also her lack of awareness of her behaviour on my vulnerable position - I felt unable to complain without risking the placement. So I vented here then smiled and nodded when she regaled me with her Friday night out story a weekly or so later.

tldr · 07/04/2017 09:19

And actually, if choccy's actual SW turned up, she'd do well to listen.

cupcakesandchampagne · 07/04/2017 09:26

tldr the comments were about SWs generally, though, and the OP's original post was mild compared to the ones which followed.

kristina in relation to the minority discussion, I would personally expect SWs to be here to see how things are working out for the children, which would require them to read between the lines, and so listen in a slightly different way from the way you have expected.

I am about to go in a long meeting now, so if you reply and I don't that is why!

cupcakesandchampagne · 07/04/2017 09:29

comehomemax sorry just missed your response, and to quickly reply, if you read my comment to tldr and kristina that will explain better. You know SWs read these threads, and if you really want to let rip, you could start up your own exclusive facebook page.

Rosieandtim · 07/04/2017 09:43

cupcakes do fuck off.

Not everything in life is about you.

Your posts here have done nothing to persuade me you're in the decent, empathetic, hard working subset of social workers. My VA SW is in this subset, certainly, as is one other I've met in the LA. There is another subset of SWs who appear permanently put out that we don't worship them, and accept substandard work for our children. There are many other subsets, probably as many as there are social workers.

Some social workers are arrogant, sensitive to criticism, butt into conversations that don't involve them, and then flounce off when told it's not about them. Know any like that, cupcakes?

Rosieandtim · 07/04/2017 09:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

comehomemax · 07/04/2017 09:55

You fuck off onto a Facebook page. yeah, I'm with Rosie on this! This is the adoption boards. That means we discuss warts and all adoption issues. Sw are of course free to read, comment and engage but they absolutely can't shut down valid discussion or a simple out and out moan because it hurts their feelings and they don't feel enough empathy is being shown towards a rough job. If you think it's too much, report to mnhq. Otherwise, you have no right to tell me to set up private groups for discussion because you don't like it. That sounds arrogant beyond belief.

Rosieandtim · 07/04/2017 09:58

I reported my own post because I lost my temper.

MrsSVN · 07/04/2017 10:01

Which SWs have time to sit scouring threads on Internet forums!? Are there any vacancies?!

It seems a bit odd to me to actively seek out these threads and then get very defensive about what's written in them. There's always a choice about how we respond to feedback/criticism...become defensive and staying the same or think about what we can do differently in the future to overcome this, make a little change and keep improving. That change can be something as small as giving a realistic idea of when someone will hear from you and letting them know that you may not be able to do things as quickly as you'd like to. That prevents people being left dangling and wondering.

Plus, at the end of the day this was one person venting frustration, as someone said earlier we're all bright enough to know the nuances, the systematic failings in our social care system which those at the coal face can do little about and that like all professions there are some good and some bad.

conserveisposhforjam · 07/04/2017 10:09

Well. I've been all over mn this morning - telling the education boards they aren't allowed to complain about teachers in case any teachers are there; the legal board have agreed not to mention lawyers and the doghouse aren't going to insult dogs etc etc. They are all going to set up FB groups with a load of people they don't know using astral projection and their psychic powers.

It's VERY VERY QUIET NOW...

cupcakesandchampagne · 07/04/2017 10:11

rosieandtim maybe you could report both your posts as one still stands. A lot of people reading Adoption are going to be concerned about the welfare of the children and whether right decisions are being made, and the thoughts and feelings of adopters are only one part of that. I am not a social worker. I haven't flounced. I do have to go.

Rosieandtim · 07/04/2017 10:16

The one that still stands, stands.

And I would like to suggest anyone who suggests to us that we form a private group on Facebook can fuck off to Facebook themselves. Which is what my second post said, but I was less general, which is why I reported it.

If you don't like what adopters, adoptees, or birth parents, post on the adoption board, perhaps the adoption board is not for you?

Surely you're too busy to be here?

Rosieandtim · 07/04/2017 10:18

So, cupcakes, you are neither an adopter, adoptee, birth parent, nor social worker? You've just joined a discussion to provoke people?

Ah, now, there's a name for that.

Is it comfy under the bridge?

MrsSVN · 07/04/2017 10:19

Gosh yes, parents who have children placed with them or are being assessed must NEVER EVER voice an opinion or express frustration ...if they do they should certainly never do so on an Internet forum specifically for them to be able to do this...as this would impact on their children's welfare. In fact let's call a mass ICPC to safeguard these poor little mites Grin

tldr · 07/04/2017 10:25

a lot of people reading Adoption are going to be concerned about the welfare of the children and whether right decisions are being made

Why's that a bad thing? People should be concerned. I'm concerned and on the whole I think SS do a great job.

comehomemax · 07/04/2017 10:37

rosieandtim maybe you could report both your posts as one still stands. A lot of people reading Adoption are going to be concerned about the welfare of the children and whether right decisions are being made, and the thoughts and feelings of adopters are only one part of that

So much crammed into two sentences! Where to start?

tldr · 07/04/2017 10:58

I'm struggling with how a thread referencing Dr Who and requesting cake got here so quickly.

Poor choccy. Hope everything's okay choccylove. CakeFlowers

comehomemax · 07/04/2017 11:20

It's boggling isn't it! And the initial sw intervention popped up very early too - barely a moan was had.
Choccy, also thinking of you. Hope things are ok with the link.

B1rdonawire · 07/04/2017 12:14

Choccy hope things are a bit less frustrating than on Weds, and that everything is going as you want it to with the link.

The rest - you have brightened my morning, with the bizarre over-sensitive preciousness of "professionals" and the jolly ripostes.

I also read a brilliant article recently on "unconscious incompetence" which sits rather nicely in this thread: itmustbemum.wordpress.com/2017/01/28/when-professionals-are-incompetent-a-story-of-unconscious-incompetence/

Kr1stina · 07/04/2017 16:52

Thanks for that link, a useful article. I think that many SW here are in the last group - unaware that they lack knowledge.

The fact that it was suggested that they read these threads to " find out how children are getting on " is an example of this. There is so much knowledge here that could really inform the reflective practitioner who reads with an open mind and heart.

Rather than popping in to tell us to STFU already.

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