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Original poster

My foster child is leaving this Friday, sob

84 replies

Flower3554 · 22/11/2006 15:17

Hi everyone, We have been foster carers for 19 years and at the moment specialise in newborns who are going for adoption. Our latest placement has been with us since he was 4 days old and he is now 6 months old. He is the most darling little boy and I'm going to miss him so much. He is currently into introductions to his new family and these are going really well. After visiting him at our house for the last few days today I had to take him to their home and leave him with them until bedtime when they will bring him home and do his bedtime routine.
I can't explain what it felt like coming back to my empty home but I'm dreading Friday when he leaves for good.

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 24/11/2006 15:59

you are an amazing person, tears streaming reading this thread.

sad for you and happy for that new family that you have helped create.

i have so much respect for you, you're an inspiration.

ishouldbeironing · 24/11/2006 16:11

We still keep in touch with my daughters foster mum 15 years later. She wrote me some notes ie on feeding and other routines at the time of handover and I followed them slavishly for a long time . I still have them and my daughter likes to look at them occasionally.
Foster mums are very special people.

bran · 24/11/2006 16:13

Flower, I just wanted to tell you how eternally grateful dh and I are to ds's foster family. The had him from birth until we adopted him at 10 months and I know that it was heartbreaking for the whole family when he left them. After a tough start in life they gave him unstinting love and care and without them he wouldn't be the confident, happy and affectionate toddler that he is now.

We still go back and visit the family every 3 or 4 months as they are not too far away, the family love to see him and I think they find it comforting to know that he is doing so well. Coincidently I was talking to his fostermum on the phone just before I read this thread, we will probably go and visit them in the next few weeks.

expatinscotland · 24/11/2006 16:16

Aw, Flower!

Thank you for the work you do.

My SIL was adopted from foster care - well, my ILs were her foster parents, but not her first - and she's such a wonderful young woman!

Wishing your comfort and peace today.

hunkermunker · 24/11/2006 17:32

Thinking of you today, Flower - what an amazing thing you do!

CunningMaloryTowers · 24/11/2006 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sheraz · 24/11/2006 21:54

How aare you Flower?

zookeeper · 24/11/2006 22:14

What a lovely special brave and kind person you must be. That child was so lucky to have had such love from you. i really feel humbled

interstellar · 24/11/2006 22:34

Oh Flower,i was adopted as a baby and spent the first 6 months of my life with a foster family- i still have the wooden music box they gave me when i left them.Obviously i cant remember my foster family,but I feel that my F.mother ws awonderful woman like you ,who gave me love and mothered me at such a crucial stage in my life-- what a wonderful person you are!

Jaynerae · 24/11/2006 23:02

Flower have only just seen this thread, and I am sitting her crying. You are so brave - angels like you make the world a better place to live in. God bless you.

jaamy · 25/11/2006 00:02

Flower (QueenEagle and Mumo) - just wanted to say that you truly are an angel(s) who is making life better for many people. Hope you are ok tonight and looking forward to your new little one and that you realise how special you are. I could never do what you do...thank you! x

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 25/11/2006 00:43

Have been thinking about you today Flower - bless you for what you do. I do hope you aren't feeling too bad tonight, it must be so difficult saying goodbye.

happystory · 25/11/2006 08:50

I have been thinking about you all night flower. Your story brought back lots of memories for me -from the other side of the coin. We adopted both our children as babies (separately) (and boy I wish mumsnet had been around then) and the positive experience we had of both foster families was wonderful. First time round especially when were novice parents as well as everything else, the foster family helped us so much with the handover period and helping us get to know our little boy before we brought him home.
The foster mother in particular did a marvellous job of both bonding with him in order to give him love and comfort but also keeping herself at a slight distance so that the handover to us wouldn't be too difficult for all concerned
Nevertheless many tears were shed on the day.
We occasionally bump into the family (ds now 15!) and although he can't actually remember them obviously,we have kept their memory alive for him and they are so special to him, having raised him and loved him for the first 4 months of his life.
You are a lovely person for doing this and I hope the loss you feel today is lessened by the happiness of his new family.

Original poster
Flower3554 · 25/11/2006 09:16

Good morning all, well thats the first night over with, it was very strange not having him to carry upstairs last night and downstairs this morning. I have stripped his cot this morning and the covers are in the washer now. I sat on the kitchen floor for ages just smelling them before I could bring myself to put them in the machine I had made plans to have my hair done this morning but Ive cancelled the appointment as my eyes are so swollen I will frighten small children and animals if I go out. It is a little like childbirth the second or third time around, you know it will hurt but you forget how much.
I can't tell you how much your messages of support have helped though, many thanks.

OP posts:
Sheraz · 25/11/2006 11:49

Oh bless you Flower, I can almost see you there sniffing his bedding. Choked up again now.. Do something nice for yourself today, you deserve it.

saadia · 25/11/2006 12:02

Flower just wanted to add my words of admiration for what you do, it is a wonderful thing and I'm so glad there are people like you for these vulnerable and helpless little babies.

thankyoupoppet · 25/11/2006 12:28

gosh, I'm in floods!
ds (7) asked me why I was crying so i told him the story.
he said.. 'so if anything happened to you and daddy could we all go and live with flower?'

This thread has left me feeling very sad for you but also so so happy for the couple who have adopted this baby, and happy for the baby that he has been loved by you in his precious early months. You have given him the best start a baby ever needs.

You are an incredible woman

hub2dee · 25/11/2006 12:43

Flower, can I ask how long typically the babies will stay with you for, and if you only ever have one at a time ? Is 77 the highest number in the UK ? !

Original poster
Flower3554 · 25/11/2006 13:07

Hi hub2dee,
in fostering there is no typical length of stay. The usual time for a "relinquished baby" thats a baby being given up by its parents, usually takes around 3 months. However if the baby has been removed from its birth family by social services there then usually follows quite lengthy court cases, appeals etc and it can take years. I have had a couple of babies from 2 days old until 3 years old. This usually doesnt happen nowadays because there are guidelines set by the courts as to how long assessments and appeals can run. I only take single babies these days as I'm not getting any younger. Also my husband does contract construction work and this usually involves him being away from home for 2 weeks at a time so its always me who does the 2am feed for example, also quite often the babies have health issues and this can be impossible to cope with if you had more than one at a time. When I used to care for sibling groups a few years ago I would often take a family of 4 to stop them being split up. I was once asked to take the family dog as well as the children. I declined!!!

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 25/11/2006 13:18

Ohhhh Flower.

I'm in awe of you!
I would have been sat on the kitchen floor for a week with those sheets!

Original poster
Flower3554 · 25/11/2006 13:23

I'm not as brave as you think, I keep going into his room pushing the button on his musical cot mobile (new family already had one) just to hear the tune playing

OP posts:
Original poster
Flower3554 · 25/11/2006 13:51

I have just answered a ring at my door and found myself confronted by a huge bunch of flowers, almost bigger than the delivery guy! The attached card reads: TO OUR ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS. Its from the new family of course. Sorry folks I've lost it again Where's the tissues?

OP posts:
hermykne · 25/11/2006 14:01

oh goodness youre a fabulous person flower
the tears are welling in my eyes.
i couldnt hand them over. the new families must adore you.

Skyler · 25/11/2006 15:57

I am sitting here in floods. What an amazing thing you do. I can just see you with those sheets . The note from the baby's new parents says it all.

LIZS · 25/11/2006 16:18

oh Flower these few days must be so hard on you, been thinking of you. I had over 20 similar "siblings" who came and went. It sounds as if his new family are lovely though, so thoughtful and will keep in touch. What a lucky little chap to have had you to give him such a great start and them to give him a future full of hope. You should feel so proud

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