Born addicted

[hidingbehindatearfulsmile]

hello all,

sorry if this is a longish post. I am an occasional poster and frequent lurker, but have changed my name for this post.

I was contacted last week about the possibility of adopting a LO. LO has been born with a dual addition to Cocaine and Heroin, was about a month early but is progressing well.

In my professional life I work with addicts and people in recovery, so my knowledge and understanding is quite extensive. I also have a broad awareness from research of the potential impact on LO.

I would really appreciate some thoughts on the below questions, as I plan to meet with child's SW and want to ensure I am informed.

What vague language should I be looking for in the profile which might indicate any problems?

Is there any reliable current research I should be trying to read. Beyond what Google throws up?

What types of questions should I be asking the child's social worker. Medical report contains very little information due to child's age.

Should I be asking to meet with a medical expert when everything is progressing well?

I am trying very hard not to get carried away with the idea of parenting this little stranger, but it is hard even though I have not seen a picture and have limited details. I know it is the idea of being a parent rather than LO which is making my emotions go all over the place but any tips on keeping my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds would be appreciated.

Thank you

Thank you for such a detailed answer mama.

From reading the foster carers report between the lines I think LO is very clingy, and possibly has the high pitched cry that others describe.

I have read nothing to suggest the facial indicators of FAS are present, but I will clarify this. However, I am going into this knowing LO may be high risk to develop FAS as BM had very little post natal support, and had a significant drug use. alcohol use has not been disclosed but I do not want to be naive and think that means there was none.

Thank you for the info about anti viral lode tests and red book I will try to obtain it as soon as I can.

Good point about funding I will add that to my post adoption support questions.

I am sure I will have questions, I will go away and read your threads. I will check out St Thomas'.

I hope all goes well with your LO and she continues to progress. Am sure she will always be amazing

It would be nice to think DRs are able to provide parents with more information about FAS sooner rather than later. I know there is a lot of research going on and it is hard because of variables, but it does not feel like the government are paying enough focus.

Starting in May LA's will have access to the new ADOPTION Support fund
some £17m this will include putting in place support for children who may present secondary problems, will also include free assessment's for children with suspected FAS FASD and an on-going support long term package, applications are via LA's who will assess and all funding will be central Gov. funded so LA's will bear no cost.
£17m is still a drop in the ocean
If anyone out there is having Mega problem's with support and want too express them on BBC TV PM me

Details of Adoption support fund at www.first4Adoption.org.uk

Thanks FAS I have started to ask questions. I am sure lots of people will be in contact. Do you know when anything may be screened on BBC?

Do not know but is in tandem with Start of Adoption support fund on the 1st of May as £'s is a drop in the ocean so presume will be on or around 1st of May.
Was asked too pass circulate details for any one who are having problems with support too contact Jayne BBC Breakfast 0771 501 2329. This is all I know.
Should be interesting

My LA are just starting to advertise the extra funding for post adoption support too. I'm shocked to read here that it's just £17 million. That may sound a lot, but actually is peanuts! They've also made it very clear that depending on who is elected in May might affect any future funding...

Back on topic, I've cared for lots of babies born addicted. In my experience 5 months is way too soon to see any long term effects - a lot of mine were only just finishing "withdrawing" at that age. All the addicted babies I had could be described as "clingy" but that would possibly be because the best way to help them withdraw is to "wear" them (ie in a sling), and FC could still be doing this - as you may need to too. Don't expect to do many jobs that need two hands for a good few months yet!

I'm still in touch with some of the babies I moved on to adoption. Not one of them has been undamaged by their mother' drug use (mostly temper, skin problems, digestive problems, lowered immune systems, behavioural issues) - BUT a fair few of the babies I've moved on who weren't born addicted have the same issues.

Hope all goes well for you OP. A lot of the babies I helped withdraw stayed in care a lot longer than they should have, because no one was willing to give them a chance.

I have been researching slings scarlett. Won't get one until I know what FC has been using (if she is) as I will go for the same style.

It is helpful to know LO may have just finished withdrawing, it was something I wanted to ask her SW about. BM is now in agreement with plan of adoption. Currently no one else is being considered, SW thinks it is likely to proceed to a match.

Best get on with the housework and garden now, as May not be possible in next few months

I apologize, I've only read a fraction of the post but wanted to second both fasparent and mama1980 posts/replies.
Like mama 1980 my dd has been with me from birth. We were aware that cocaine and alcohol (to name a few) were the addiction of BM.
I already had 4 children when she joined our family so the differences were quite stark to me. I spent most of the first year with her in a sling at my chest. It didn't stop the high pitched crying but it did comfort and settle her somewhat. She's a darling but not easy by any stretch but I've found keeping stimulus to a more intimate setting has been a huge benefit for her. She's just turned 3 and in terms of developmental milestones is exactly where she should be but it would be remiss of me to say that she doesn't need just that bit more. Fortunately I'd give her the moon and stars but easy it is not.
Get the advise that's available and fight for which is not if you decide on this road. X

New Adoption Support Fund Scheme was aired in BBC Breakfast TV this a.m. will be able too see on BBC i player too catch up.

Mrpip don't apologise your response was fair and realistic. It just gives me confidence to know others have done this and got through it with their sons and daughters. I like the idea of keeping stimulus to an intimate setting. Really helps me think how and when she will be ok to move in with others.

fas thanks I missed it - off to watch I player

Did not mean move meant meet

Thankyou for your reply. Its always tricky to speak truthfully as without the benefit of face to face communication so much can be lost. I know it can be scary to take on a child when you know they have had a difficult start in life. There's so much that's unknown and that can be a very difficult decision to make.
Ironically life itself pans out quite differently. My dd is and will continue to be a child that requires that bit "more" I took the step when she joined our family knowing and accepting that this was the case. There were so many blank spots and grey areas even though I know a great deal of her background as she is directly related to me. But the nature of alcohol & substance abuse and the untruths that surround those that are within their clasp ment I was in the dark.
The irony is my son who's genitic and development is crystal clear to me has a chronic illness that requires support and care. I supposed what I'm trying to say, though badly is there are very definite factors that we can work with but even with all those things in your favour there's always a lottery of sorts involved. Like others have said, get all the information you can on this little one but understand as I have that however much information you gather ( unless ofcourse the doctors have already diagnosed a condition) you'll never really know until time passes. Id already committed myself to providing a home for my dd before she was born and though her brain scan at birth was normal she did go through withdrawal. I'm not alone when I say I was left holding a baby who was obviously not reacting to her surroundings in the expected way. But brain scan was ok so it was a case of "off you go" I don't regret a minute and would do it all again in a heart beat but though I had a couple of decent social workers I rarely felt supported outside of my family. The reality is this is a commitment you and your partner, family make and though it's possible to draw upon the experience of professonals and those in children's services, they are overstretched and can't be heavily relied upon. Just my expirence, opinion. Best of luck to you. Best thing I ever did and my life is fuller for it. X

www.cypnow.co.uk have a report. full details of application and FAQ's at www.first4adoption.org.uk

Hello everyone,

Wanted to offer a huge thanks for all of your comments and insights! Meeting went well and we are now linked with pannel very soon!

Thank you could not have done it without your support

Congratulations. As I said I have two daughters with FASD, you are very welcome to PM me if there are any questions you have.

How exciting congratulations. I hope things go smoothly.
Any more questions feel free to keep asking. I know how difficult it can be to talk about these issues in rl.