Just poking my head in to say hello :)

[earthyambitions]

I just wanted to make contact with people in here. My husband and I are about to embark on what we hope will be our adoption journey. We are just finishing some house renovations before we make our initial enquiry to the LA. We have an existing bc and I am unable to have any more birth children but have a strong desire to add to our family.

I have done lots of reading online and in books and spoken to a couple of adoptive parents I know so feel reasonably well prepared for what could be ahead and I am open to discussing what we are able to take on in an additional child as I don't think we are totally clear about that yet. I am also a teacher so lots of experience working with a wide range of children but not naive enough to realise that parenting them would be a different experience.

I am interested to find out more about fostering to adopt but there doesn't seem to be a lot of info out there in particular about the number of children placed this way that go on to be adopted by the family they are with and the number returned to birth families.

We have 2 dogs and I am concerned that might count against us, although they have had our existing child grow up with them with no problems so I'm hoping that will count in their favour. I obviously am aware that the sw would want to know that we would put the child first, I just would be sad if we had to rehome them on the off chance that there could be a problem.

I imagine I will be calling on people here for lots of support and advice in the near future so thought I'd just say hi really and put myself out there. I look forward to getting to know some of you as we embark on our journey...fingers crossed!

Hello Earthy!!!

We're 18 months into our journey with children placed and dates booked for adoption order hearings. It's not easy but it's definitely all worth it Sounds like you're doing well at preparing. You definitely can't do enough reading, though I've learned the most useful/relevant things by reading this forum to be honest! The lovely Mumsnet people have really helped me
Good luck starting your journey

Suggest you look at www.first4Adoption.org.uk details of foster too Adoption are available. We have Adopted a number of children this way also fostered many a hundred more short term, most returning too parents others into long term Care equal amount too loving adoptive parents , all have been successful giving children better outcomes and futures.
Suggest you contact larger City LA's such as Manchester, Birmingham, London area and such like. Best nearest too you though.
Most of our children that have gone on too Adoption , parents have Pet's so should not be a problem, but very much depends a lot on the breed of dog.
Kindest regards wish you luck

Congratulations iwishkidslikedtomatoes, it makes me all of a flutter thinking that could be us down the line ??.

I'll definitely have a look at that website fas. I would only be looking to do the foster to adopt with a definite view to trying to adopt. I would intend to return to work at some point and I would also want to minimise the chance of disruption to our existing child. I know the things I have read that they only choose this route for children who they are fairly certain will not be able to return to their birth families and I think we would accept an amount or risk to give the child the best start by minimising disruption as far as possible. Lots to consider and talk about down the line I think.

We are in a similar position with BC and wanting to add to our family as I'm unable to have more children. We are going to panel next week to be approved for an under 4 yr old. We have dogs inc a very boisterous german shepherd. The dogs have been rigorously assessed and deemed very child friendly (used to strange children in the house from dc's friends). They have not been a barrier to us however we are aware not all AC will be suitable because of our dogs.

Good luck

That's interesting about the dogs, and reassuring too. Ours are spaniels one is very laid back and placid the other can be a bit boisterous at times. When you say they have been rigorously assessed; who does the testing? Is it social services or a vet? And what sort of things do they look at? They are not possessive about things with us or child but the top dog can growl at the other to warn her away if she has something she doesn't want to share. Our child can take things from them with no problems, they will lay with her to be stroked, they tolerated the hanging onto their ears phase when she was a toddler. The younger one can be a bit snappy towards other dogs when we are out, she doesn't bite just makes a ridiculous snarly barky sound. Never towards people though.

I've read that document which was really interesting and also found another one about dogs and feel more reassured about that. I'm hoping the fact that our daughter has grown up with them with no issues will go in their favour. Only time will tell I guess, we'll cross that bridge when/if we get to it. In the meantime I will see if I can find some sort of socialisation groups to see if we can address the issue when out walking.

Welcome! I think you're fine with your position that if you absolutely had to re-home one or more dogs after your child was placed, then it would be really hard but you'd do it (hope I'm reading that right from your OP?) The only thing I'd add is that the reason they ask people to be aware animals may rarely need to be re-homed is not just because of the animal's behaviour - some children may act out aggression or extreme emotions towards the animal, as a result of their early experiences. So you would then be re-homing in order to protect the animal, as much as the child. It's unusual, and on the flip side pets can be really therapeutic influences, but you just never know.

Good luck with your process

Welcome earthyambitions.

We have a birth child (10 now) ad adopted child 4.

If you want to make contact with others who are newbies you could also pop onto the www.mumsnet.com/Talk/adoptions/2092272-Newbies-Part-2 thread. It is not terribly lively at the moment so if not helpful, please ignore, but you may find others join if is it active.

That goes for you too SomethingWickedThisWayComes of course. I started a newbie thread when I was a newbie and it finally filled up so went to newbies 2. As I say it is rather quiet at the moment but you guys could liven it up, if you wished to!

Re your dogs you will not be asked to rehome them on the off chance unless they are dangerous, which clearly they are not! once approved you would hopefully be a package, one child two dogs and two parents or one parent or whatever. but if a child were matched and it became obvious that the dogs were a problem, then of course you would need to put the child first. This may be because of the dogs or child's or behaviour or other factors. We have a cat and very much wanted to continue to have a cat and it has worked out. And having glanced at the details of many children at adoption events there was only one child who could not be around pets because of allergies.

All this is in my experience and my humble opinion and I have only heard of one person who had to rehome a pet after the child came home.

earthyambitions, if you have other specific questions if you name your thread such, you will get lots of helpful replies or at least some helpful ones, I have found!

All best wishes.

Italian - I do lurk on another thread but name change regularly (prob identifiable here with dogs & BC).

Initially SW were concerned about dogs but our vet is the one they use for checks. We had to fill in a specific pet form and the SW has seen and interacted with dogs. We offered to get them checked but she declined. We would however definitely rehome any dog where there was a problem with the child - this seems to be the thing they ask. Our dogs are trained & socialised (good citizen award) but more importantly used to children touching them and taking toys away. They have a cage they can retreat to for peace and children know not to touch if they are in their cage.

SW have actually been more focused on our BC and their resilience/how we are preparing them.

My friend adopted with a dog, no problems. My birth dd has probably caused more problems than the average dog!

Hi earthy and welcome

Thanks so much for all of the helpful info and advice already

Hi earthy! We also adopted after a bc, so feel free to ask questions if that would be helpful

Thank you
One other thing I have been wondering is whether meetings with the sw are all within office hours? It's just that I will have to tell my boss a lot sooner than I would like to if that is the case!

In that case I wonder if I could arrange the initial meeting in half term, that way I wouldn't have to tell boss until we are definitely on the adoption road. In which case if DH agrees it might be worth phoning to see if we can arrange that now for May half term. Would give us a target for getting the house sorted by then too although I assume being in the middle of decorating wouldn't count against us for an initial meeting!

earthyambitions it depends what your working hours are. Our social worker sometimes came out at 5.30 to accommodate ds!

I would not tell your boss until you need to. They should treat this confidentially if you ask them to. It is amazing how often people feel they can share adoption an baby news without permission so I always make it clear if I don't want people to share bits of news.

Waiting for a call, child, date etc is all made harder if other people are asking you stuff like 'Any news?' A bit the whole TTC thing!

Could you say you have an appointment and make up the time. You don't need to lie and say 'women's things!' but if you make it sound like that they may assume that! Also if you work in town and the offices are in town then you may be able to have meetings there! It is called a home study but only the specific bits about the actual house need to be done at home, as far as I am aware!! I could be wrong. Just suggesting.

Good luck.

We met our SW in the evenings. It's one of the reasons we were allocated to her, it suited her to work late. So you never know, you can only ask.

I think it depends on your LA, a teacher friend of ours did every appointment in stage 1 and 2 in school holidays to accommodate.

I agree with the others that because there are many adopters out there at the moment I would put it off for as long as possible as you could be waiting a long time. We told everyone early on and everyday it was 'any news?' We got approved just (literally) as the situation of more children waiting, to more adopters waiting changed, so were very lucky and got matched relatively quickly. But some people we started the process 18 months ago with, still haven't been matched. If we were starting now I think I would have regretted telling so many people. However, I also know that getting time off for appointments as a teacher is impossible in school hours as it is expected this is done out of school hours or in holidays, except in extreme circumstances, of which this is one, but that means telling them! You may be able to fake a doctor's appointment once but by stage 2 you'll need 6-8 doctors appointments, it just can't happen if you're a teacher. While being a teacher is the one profession you can't have annual leave to go under the radar, it does give a wealth of experience with children that will stand you in good stead when it comes to assessment though!

*put off telling people, not put off doing it! (in fact I'd make the phone call now )

Eek, I think me and DH need another chat about it all later! One more question. We live almost on the border of three different LAs. One isn't looking for parents for younger chn at the moment so that's out because dd is only 5. One is the one we live in and have requested info pack from etc. The other one has loads of info on its website and seems to offer masses of post adoption support, monthly social meetings with psychiatrists and counsellors there, monthly support meetings if needed, lots of social family events and activities. The only issue is that a lot of those things are held centrally in that county so are then quite a way from us. Are we better of in own la where support and activities etc are closer to home? Also thinking that it would be nice to make friends with other prospective adopters through the process and that would be harder to maintain if they live the other side of the next county! It's a bit swings and roundabouts really isn't it!

Something else to consider would be how big an area your LA covers. They won't want to place a child with you whose BP's live nearby. If you are in a big county then this will give you more potential matches, if not, then I would try to go for the other LA. You will have post adoption services with the placing LA for first 3 years then it switches to your own LA. But you are right, it will make life more difficult with all the travel. I would first look at number of children that maybe available, then post adoption services/Ofsted reports on how good they are/recommendations, then convenience of distance, if it were me. While the latter is important and makes life easier without the first 2 sorted it it won't matter.

The following:

can compare LA's on a numbers basis although this was only true as of sept 2014 and numbers of children have supposedly dropped since but it may give you some idea? Speaking to both LAs directly to find information would be better.

Sorry, forgot to add link!

www.first4adoption.org.uk/adoption-maps/

Hadn't thought about looking at ofsted reports! The slightly further away la has a better report although it is 4 yrs old, higher number of children waiting last year according to that other website. Now thinking I bit more travel will be worth it! Will request an info pack from them now!