Adoption or IVF with donor sperm?

[strawberrydreamcake]

I am 37 soon and I'm single.

I really would love a child and feel I have a lot to offer to 'motherhood' - am a reception/year 1 teacher and deputy head of an infant school so I love children, as you'd hope!

I always thought I'd meet Mr Right and have the conventional marriage, children and so on. It isn't looking likely so I need to think outside the box as it were.

The things I'm wondering are:

1. Do your finances/ debt impinge on your suitability? I haven't got a very good credit rating - perversely this is because i have no credit history to speak of! But it has sometimes been a problem.

1. I'm single. I know they would say this isn't an issue - but would it be really? I don't have any family who could help.

1. I would want to if possible choose the name of the child myself.

1. I would prefer to adopt a girl, or two girls.

1. I wouldn't want any contact with the birth parents at all to speak of.

I hope I haven't offended anyone but the above are the reasons I might be turned away - and if that's the case, I obviously need to think about other ways of becoming a mum. I want to make sure I'm as suited to the process as the process is to me and I definitely don't want to be given funny looks or similar.

Please remember I am new to this so won't know the things you all know.

Yes, that sounds like a very good process. it is just that a quick sex act (or insemination) which takes a few minutes sounds a lot easier for some of us. I am not sure if most of us birth parents would be approved by social workers if we were assessed in advance. A good point about guardians if you die. I believe I am nominated in my relative's will to have her IVF donor sperm children which is fine as I already have a big family.

Hi Greengrow I have heard on social media sites (well this one really!) of people who chose adoption as their first choice to have or extend their family. However, in real life I have only met about one person who adopted when they were able to have children by a natural, non-invasive means - or at all.

Most people I have met have already had (often years) of unsuccessful (in terms of conception) sex and sometimes unsuccessful fertility treatment too. For those in that position the process of adoption might seem relatively simple and the preferred option.

I like to share my experiences in case they are helpful to someone! I was told by people that if we adopted I might get pregnant (I don't want to now) and that relaxing might get me pregnant (it does not) and even by a doctor (GP) after half a decade of failed fertility treatment that there was no reason I could not get pregnant (ha ha)! It seems there can be a lot of misinformation out there and I just wanted to say the adoption process is not that bad, but as to how tough adoption is, I am still in the early stages!

For us with treatment - we simply ran out of money (and energy) after years of failed treatment for a second child. Although I had wanted to adopt since I was in my twenties the pull to have another biological (even though they would be not with my genes) baby was so very strong. This is not the case for everyone but for me I had to exhaust that route before moving on. I did and I did and I am so glad I did! But for many of us who post about adoption I am guessing there simply is no quick sex act or insemination that would work!

That may well not be the case for people posting who are single, like strawberrydreamcake, or who are in same sex relationships, like HerNameIsRed, as they have not been trying to get pregnant for years. So a quick insemination may well work.

I really hope that strawberrydreamcake and HerNameIsRed find the answers they need. Do let us know how you get on, if you wish to!

Not sure whether the OP is still around, I'm a bit late to this thread, I have been away.

Anyway, way back the OP talked about a new name helping to signify the new start etc.
I don't think it came across clearly in some of the responses, that while adoption for the new adoptive parent is all about a new start, adoption for a child is also massively about loss . When my AD1 was placed aged 8, she went through a massive grieving process, not for her foster carers (who she had been with for nearly 2 years) but for the BF, and the fact she knew now she would not be with (or see).