Miracle you are his birth mum, you were, are and always will be. Please be kind to yourself. You have done all you can for now, you put him first.
Please make your life exactly what you want it to be, in the best possible way. Work, home, hobbies, life, relationships, the best they can be, because you are worth it.
When he is older, if/when he finds you, be in the best possible place you can be. That is all you can do now for your little one, and I hope you will make the very best of your life for your sake and for his.
When my little one is older and starts to think of his birth mum, I sincerely hope she will be doing just that.Making the very best of her life i na positive way.
Really, truly you will always be his birth mum.