MrsDeVere my heart goes out to you, there are no words to say. I read about your lovely dd when you wrote about it a while ago and I am so very sorry for your loss.
In terms of a parent it is very hard and yet it is the way things normally happen, older people die. I know some people in paticular (men especially - sorry to be sexist) can sometimes be totally blind sided by grief. They sometimes find it so hard to accept, My father cried a lot at his mum's funeral where as my mum was more stoic. She kept it together for years through family funerals and turmoil and when my dad died she had a full scale depression.
It must have been a very hard time for you.
My mum has dementia now and is in a care home, the panel (matching) asked what I would do if she needed me. Luckily, she is quite far away and has my sister! If she were ill I am not sure I would have told social services because of the same fear they would think I could not cope! Anyway, am rambling, *MrsDeVere massive hug (very much more like we used to say on the fertility boards than here on adoption threads!)