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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

15,000 Kids and Counting - Episode 2

274 replies

Lilka · 10/04/2014 14:14

Tonight at 9.00 on Channel 4

The Search
This episode follows the search for adoptive parents for a two-year-old boy and a three and seven-year-old brother and sister

With the added challenges of having slightly older children, siblings and a child with possible health issues to place, the task for social workers Annette and Jackie is a massive one

With the future of these children in their hands and recently set government targets to meet, they struggle not to become emotionally involved as they strive to find adopters before time runs out

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Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 22:58

Sorry merry I didn't see your post.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 22:59

They weren't long term fc though kooth they were short term carers

Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 23:00

They were going to be moved to long term permanent foster care if they didn't find adopters though merry.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:00

Short term can go on for years but it shouldn't

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:01

Yes sorry I mis understood you

Original poster
Lilka · 10/04/2014 23:01

There are some advantages to being a foster carer, not an adopter

You do remain in continuous contact with SS, with reviews etc. This, depending on local authority, can mean support is easier to access. It can be better that way for some children with emotional, mental health and behavioural difficulties

Not everyone wants to become a childs fully legal parent. Perhaps the emotional parent-child bond feels enough. Perhaps it's an issue of support. Or something else entirely, you'd need to ask a long term foster carer!

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Original poster
Lilka · 10/04/2014 23:02

Kooth sadly if adoption doesn't work out, LTFC is the next best option, being a different kind of permanence

LTFC's don't primarily want to adopt, they want to be foster carers, for whatever reason. So they applied to be FC's, not adopters

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Original poster
Lilka · 10/04/2014 23:04

Actually the relationship of a LTFC and child, and adoptive parents and child, is often very different. I know a lovely couple with 2 LTF children that came to them at an older age, and they don't see themselves as the children's parents in the way that i am my children's mum

It's not the same

And that was what they wanted

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Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 23:06

I see. Sorry I know very little about it all but have found the programs fascinating. I just couldn't understand why if you were willing to take a child on until age 18, and as the social worker said, 'forever', why you wouldn't adopt. I didn't know the benefits of being a fc over an adoptive parent. Thanks for explaining.

It's so sad that many older children are overlooked. My cousins were adopted from horrific backgrounds at 18m and 9yo and although it has been very tough at times, they have a great relationship with their adoptive parents and are both doing so well now. They had huge potential and it is sad to think that the 9yo would have been so undesirable to many.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:06

I think the allowance is a big thing, not everyone is financially able to adopt and also carers I know have access to respite (4weeks a year) but also when you adopt you want a child to complete your family and when you foster you want to support the child for as long as necessary without the commitment of 'forever' and issues of inheritance etc

Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 23:07

Sorry she is obviously not 9 now, she is 24 just to clarify.

Sleepingbunnies · 10/04/2014 23:09

I will 100% be a foster carer I think when my children are grown. Mind you my age would probably go against me then. I am still crying!

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:09

Nobody else commented on the sitting on the knee bit. What did you think about that? I was dismayed to hear her think that she couldn't sit on her fc knee sad

Koothrapanties · 10/04/2014 23:10

Oh and that really isnt meant as a criticism of adoptive parents, I didn't mean that how it came out. I completely understand why parents choose a certain age range, but from the program tonight it is evident that most feel able to take on a younger child.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:10
Sad
MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:13

sleepingbunnies I know several fc in their 60's. The fc's on the programme were not spring chicks either!

JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/04/2014 23:20

With absolute respect to all adoptive parents and foster carers who may be reading I do wonder how the financial differences of the two impact on children's and adults lives. It concerns me, as a PP has said, that some foster carers may not be able to afford to adopt a child if that would mean financial support was stopped?
Everything should be done to ensure this aspect does not limit the possibilities for children and their families.
Equally you mention that support can be easier to access within fostering Lilka whereas ideally all children and families should receive the help they need whether a child is fostered or adopted.
Very encouraging to hear that several areas are looking at concurrent planning (for fostering or adoption)
I just feel that is a fruitful area to explore.

Original poster
Lilka · 10/04/2014 23:27

Finances are always a consideration

I get an adoption allowance for DD2, which I know I am lucky to get. Even managed to persuade SS to extend it for another year because of our circumstances.

But I get a high amount for an adoptive parent with just the 1 child (with significant needs yes)

And it's not likely to get an allowance in the first place. It's also means tested so if you're adopting and you aren't on a lower income...

Makes a big difference to life though, it's so helpful

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JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/04/2014 23:29

Yes Merry I certainly noticed the bit where it was mentioned that you couldn't sit on your FC knee, or call them Mum and Dad (Did we hear that from the little girl, I forget now?)

That seems ridiculous to me. When I've worked with young children we all had them sitting with us (or on us!) during story or singing time. How silly, and surely unrealistic - and harmful I would say, to say that this isn't allowed with the people a young child is living with.
Also not to call them Mum and Dad. Young children have called me this too when I was just their teacher or in other early years role.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2014 23:35

I know one child in long term fc who calls fc mum and dad (child's choice) and has changed name to their surname.

I certainly have used my knees frequently over the years to bounce and comfort various fc Smile

crypes · 10/04/2014 23:41

I think it was a brilliant programme tonight , really sensitively put together , especially little Tommy and two mummies, it had me in tears. The transition from the lovely foster parents to two mummies was inspiring.I think I would of liked two mummies as a little kid who wouldn't.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/04/2014 23:48

Yes I agree Crypes it was a pretty well put together programme wasn't it?

Italiangreyhound · 10/04/2014 23:52

Velvet - When you say ""We're already finding it hard to narrow down the age range we would like to be approved for and couldn't bear the thought of a child not even being presented to us because they were 1 year older than we'd discussed.* Make sure your social worker or rather family finder knows that. We had said that we had a prefernce for a girl. Luckily for us our family finder didn't take much notice of that and suggested a boy. We were thrilled and are very pleased to be adopting him (we hope!)

Yes, not sure I like the bad picy vibe, or the bloody bleeping.

fasparent · 10/04/2014 23:53

Spring chickens are declining sadly, be out too roost soon, seen over 50 children placed in our time also adopted 8. Very upsetting to say goodbye too all , remember them all, all have been successful a lot of happy children and family's out there some children now with family's of their own.
Wish Joe public were made aware like this years ago may be things would be different.
As for FAS mine are doing great lots of Tommy's out there with good parenting and understanding can lead a near normal life, both mine work full time, drive, have partner's , too much negativity around FAS. speaking from experience assure all.

Italiangreyhound · 10/04/2014 23:54

Karbea I am so sorry to hear that you say My husband was put off by the initial open day, it breaks my heart as I think we'd be amazing parents. You do not need to answer but can you say what put him off? I have been to two open days for adoption, and one for fostering, and I just wodner if going to a different agency or council might be better for him, and also how long ago this was. Some things have changed. The process how takes about 6 months instead of the 12 it too us or the longer process that may have been the case in the past. (That is to arrpoval.)

Also in the past you did not get to meet the child before adoption but if you go to anactivity day now for harder to place children, which could mean older not necessary children who are going to be harder to adopt, you can meet the potential children. I know for me when I first consdiered adoption the fact we did nto get to meet te child seemed a big deal but now 18 months down the line it does not seem such a big deal at all. Also, I was told we would not see a photo and we did not initially but then we did so in a way we were told things would be 'stricter' than they were. I think the process is designed to put you off - 'it' really does want the people with a strong desire to adopt to get through (in my humble opinion).