15,000 Kids and Counting - Episode 2

[Lilka]

Tonight at 9.00 on Channel 4

The Search
This episode follows the search for adoptive parents for a two-year-old boy and a three and seven-year-old brother and sister

With the added challenges of having slightly older children, siblings and a child with possible health issues to place, the task for social workers Annette and Jackie is a massive one

With the future of these children in their hands and recently set government targets to meet, they struggle not to become emotionally involved as they strive to find adopters before time runs out

Fusedog "let them eat poo"... F a f

Knock on doors :(

It was wonderful to hear about the difference foster carers do make in children's lives every day

Lauren went from only eating beans on toast and one other meal, with a spoon only, to a varied diet with a knife and fork

Liam was a frozen baby, but is now doing so much better

Of course, they may well have issues in the future relating to their first years/months of life, it's likely, but it is so heartening how much progress can be made with wonderful FC's

I'd love to be a foster carer when my children have grown up!

What is a frozen baby? I missed the first part of the programme.

Frozen baby refers to a baby who has "frozen awareness" - they are very passive, not mobile hence the 'frozen' in place, but they are very watchful of their surroundings, very observant

Fear

An emotionless baby

A baby living in fear who has learned not to cry

I couldn't imagine an emotionless baby :(

I'm in floods of tears now. It was like re-living every foster child leaving for adoption when I lived at home, and watching my parents have to say goodbye. Heartbreaking. Especially when you get them as babies straight from hospital and they're with you until they're toddlers, or you get the scrawny, shy toddlers that go through the bath 3 times before they come out clean, but leave as different children. It's so hard to let go and I'm glad they showed that side of it for the foster carers.

I do think it was a touch on the 'picky adopters' again though. So easy to judge when it's not you making that life changchanging decision.

It's the most horrible thing to contemplate, that a tiny baby can be rigid with fear.

dp and I felt very emotional watching this, took us right back to our matching and introductions. I find it so distressing that our current systems means most babies taken into care at birth go into foster care and end up having to leave the only 'mum' they've ever known. I still look at photos of my poor dd2 after she was left with us, pre-verbal so nobody could explain to her what was going on, her little face all worried and sad, clutching onto me like an abandoned marmoset monkey. At the time I didn't appreciate what she was going through - I was so overwhelmed I was quite emotionally frozen myself, plus my elder child had been quite like that naturally. But dd2 isn't like that, and it was only as her personality emerged that I saw how deeply traumatised she had been by that move.

Great programme, though the little snipets of info we had left me with lots of questions.

I'm really interested in the division between foster care and adoption and whether more can be done to look at all the issues around both to make things better for the children as well as the carers/parents

We seem to have a really two tier system (with foster care/adoption) whereas all the child really wants is a Mum and/or Dad and a home.

That SW annoyed me a bit banging on about all the different possibilities with that wee girl of 7.

I feel if we had better systems in place and better resources/support we could make things better than they are at present for so many children.
Feel we need to take a fresh look at everything.

Sorry should have said two Mums or two Dads great too

Could someone please explain the difference between long term foster care and adoption? If it is permanent, why do they not adopt?

But juggling I am a foster carer and adopter and that sw was a million times better than most and so interested in the siblings I would love to work with her!

Juggling - lots of local authorities are piloting concurrent planning to try and limit the impact that multiple placements has on young children.

The challenge with concurrency is that you need to find potential adopters with whom the child is placed on a foster basis, but whilst the local authority work with the birth family to try and overcome whatever issues meant that the child was placed in care in the first place.

You'd have to be a pretty special person to put yourself forward on that basis. It must be emotionally draining knowing that you're taking on a child on a foster basis with a view to adopt but the child may still go back to the birth parent.

There's no easy answer

Am in floods :(

Maybe some people need the allowance you get as a fc so couldn't afford to adopt. Also, when you adopt the child is as much yours as any birth child would be and an integral part of your family for ever. In fc the local authority has parental rights usually.

Kooth

Long term foster care is what it says on the tin - a foster home until age 18. The birth parents are still the legal parents, with minimal parental rights and responsibilities, but the child can never go home to live with them.

Adoption is very different. An adoption order is a binding, irreversible legal order which completely replaces the childs legal parents. The birth parents become, in legal terms, totally unrelated to the child, strangers. The adoptive parents become the legal parents exactly as if they gave birth to the child. There is no difference. So the childs old birth certificate is legall voided, becoming worthless as a legal document, and is replaced by a new short birth certificate and an adoption certificate (sometimes also called a long birth certificate by the adoption community) naming the adoptive parents.

Legally, adoption is basically, the adoptive parents give birth to the child

Fostering, is a long term home with long term parents, but who your parents actually are, in law, does not change

That's a huge difference

I would love to adopt or foster. It's made me think about it a lot.

You said it better than me lilka

Sorry if I'm being dim, but if the foster parents are willing to take on the children on a permanent basis, why do they not adopt them? Why would they want to stay a foster parent, not an adoptive parent?

In this case, the children were eligible for adoption so would it not make sense for the long term foster carers to just adopt them?

Some children need a foster home, not adoption. They may have a close relationship with their birth parents and need to see them quite often. Maybe the child does not want a new mummy/daddy (in any combination) and the child would feel like their birth mum was being replaced if that happened

When a child who really would benefit from adoption, is not adopted because a home cannot be found, and instead placed for long term fostering, to me that's so sad. LTFC is fantastic for the children who need it, but it's not the same as adoptive parents.