15,000 Kids And Counting - On Channel 4, starting on 3rd April

[OneOfOurLilkasIsMissing]

Heads up folks, Channel 4 are doing a new adoption documentary "15,000 Kids and Counting"

Series Description - Child protection levels in Britain are at a record high. Over 15,000 children were waiting to be adopted in 2013 - twice as many as five years earlier

With unparalleled access to the entire adoption process, this series follows social workers, foster carers, birth parents and adopters as heart-wrenchingly difficult decisions are made about the future of some of Britain's most vulnerable children

Episode 1 is on 3rd April at 9.00PM, is called The Decision

The adoption process begins with the most difficult decision of all: the decision to remove a child from their birth family

The first episode in the series follows the social workers whose job it is to take children away from their parents and recommend whether they should ever return; and meets parents who are desperately fighting to keep their children

Episode 2 a week later - The Search

This episode follows the search for adoptive parents for a two-year-old boy and a three and seven-year-old brother and sister

With the added challenges of having slightly older children, siblings and a child with possible health issues to place, the task for social workers Annette and Jackie is a massive one

With the future of these children in their hands and recently set government targets to meet, they struggle not to become emotionally involved as they strive to find adopters before time runs out

I'll certainly be watching, looks interesting

Thanks flowerpower.

I swear mumsnet is better than counselling. The relationships threads in particular have totally changed my mindset.

I'm glad you found this thread, it seems far more balanced and supportive than the one in the chat section.

Very good points I can't thank you enough for being so supportive

Hello Emily. I just wanted to send my best wishes to you and thanks for being so brave both to take part in the progarmme and to post here. You came across in the programme as a lovely caring person who was overwhelmed with the situation you were in. I'm sure when Sophie watches it as an older person she too will be able to see how much you cared.

I hope you are still feel you made the right decision to take part and life is better for you now.

nctoavoiddrama I am so sorry to hear your story and really wish you all the very best for your future. I am sorry that your need of a home, which was denied you, pushed you into marriage so early and children in quick succession.

I wish you all the very best for your therapy and for your life, I hope you will find it gets easier and you are able to face the challenges. You are very brave and you deserve the best.

I am Nicola's Auntie and if the maker of this programme reads this and wants to know the truth behind Nikki's story then please get in touch. Social Services wanted Aaron for adoption and nobody was going to get in their way. My husband is Nikki's father's brother and we desperately wanted to foster Aaron while she sorted herself out. They weren't impressed to find we had a stable home to offer and were educated professional people so they found another excuse. Nikki wanted us to care for Aaron but social services told her as soon as Aaron was born they would have him adopted. No wonder she lost interest in seeing her baby knowing it was going to end in heartbreak for her. Aaron was only put up for adoption last year so this was only filmed a year ago as Aaron will now just be over a year old but he has been denied the chance to grow up within his own family and we are fuming about this programme and how social services has twisted the truth for their own agenda.

Can I tentatively ask susu44 if you think that the reason that SS wouldn't allow you to foster Aaron is that it would be easy for you to then allow Nicola to care for him? I'm not for a moment suggesting that you would allow this but I am asking if you (or anyone who has experience of these things) think that this could be a reason that SS were reluctant to foster within the family?

susu44 I obviously do not know the ins and outs of your situation.

However:

I don't know why SS would push for a baby/child to be adopted if they honestly thought there was a suitable family placement available.

Taking a child into care and placing them for adoption costs £££ more than placing a child with kinship carers. They really aren't so keen to make one set of prospective adopters happy that they will purposely take a child into care for whom they believe there is a suitable alternative. Prospective adopters are a long way down the pecking order of their priorities.

However, I can see it might be possible that SWs see real (or imagined) problem with potential kinship caring situations which the family themselves do not think are true / do not think are problems. SWs do always look to family first because if a suitable home with a relative can be found then that is best for the child (and easiest for the SW).

I am sorry for you and your niece that they decided the baby needed adoption. I hope he is now settled in his new home and that Nikki is having at least letterbox contact with him.

Susu44 - what support did you and Nicola's family give her after she had her first child taken off her? Did you give her any help finding suitable accommodation in which to live with Aaron?

I stand corrected. MrsDeVere knows more about this than I do.

I don't want to say too much on here about the reasons SS came up with to turn us down as we are still considering action against them however I would like to point out that what you saw on the programme was only a tiny fraction of Nicola's complicated story. SS had full control over what was filmed and what they didn't want you to see. I am not on here to slate them either though as appreciate they have a difficult job and not all their staff are unprofessional and prejudice but in our own experience we have encountered the bad ones which goes back all the way to when Nicola was a minor in our care for a short while but SS messed that up too.

MrsDeVere thank you for your comments and I am sorry that you too have unfortunately had similar experiences with SS. Thank goodness you stood up to them and eventually got the RIGHT outcome for your family.

Calamitygin I agree that the worry over Nikki having access to Aaron would be a concern but believe me we discussed this indepth with her social worker and we would certainly not have allowed her access if we believed it was in Aaron's best interest. However we live over 60 miles away so this would never have been an issue especially when Nikki couldn't get to a local contact
centre regularly she was highly unlikely to rock up at ours very often. I even wanted to offer her a home with us to help her care for Aaron but that was dismissed by them too. Nicola was never a danger to her kids it was more a problem with the company she kept and the environment she lived in. However I never once got the impression that SS wanted to help Nicola they just wanted the quickest and easiest solution. As soon as they put Aaron up for adoption they cast the parent adrift again with no help or support to prevent her getting into the same situation again further down the line and when that happens then how could any social worker honestly believe that their input has proved successful in the long term?! Surely better to take advantage of family support to ensure a better outcome for all involved even though this may involve more work/patience on their part in the beginning.

Susu- you sound like Matthew, Emily and all the other birth parents who lay the blame at SS's feet instead of looking at themselves. You didn't help Nicola when she was in your care as a minor so why do you think you should be trusted with Aaron? Far better for him to go to someone who could give him the security all babies need; blood isn't thicker than water. Instead of picking a fight with an over stretched Social Services why don't you put your energy into helping Nicola?

Oh here we go we always get one know it all who thinks they have the right to judge others when they are not in possession of the full facts. Perhaps Justgotaniphone (even the name shows a distinct lack of maturity and common sense) is a SW!

Thanks MrsDeVere for the suggestion to contact family rights group. We haven't thought of doing this but will do now.

My husband and I love Nicola very much but if anyone is to be blamed it is the attrocious treatment from her own parents that is to be condemned. I only came into Nikki's life when she was 15 which by then the damage was done and she was out of control. We tried our best with her but when a SW tells a volitile and vulnerable teenager that she doesn't have to do what her guardian at the time (my husband) tells her then what the hell chance have we got to bring stability back into her life. None!! Nikki is a grown woman now and as MrsDeVere has already said she is free to make her own life decisions. What she does with her life is no reflection on my morals and standards which I can assure you are higher than most. I was lucky to be brought up in a loving stable home with wonderful parents. To suggest I cannot bring a baby up correctly is just down right ignorant and extremely hurtful when you know nothing of my past or history. Please go poke your judgemental nose into someone else's business. Perhaps someone who actually needs your incredible wisdom and faultless guidance...

MrsDV - read susu's post where she states that when Nicola was a minor she was in her care for a short time before SS messed it up. Of course it would be SS's fault, wouldn't it?

She also states that SS wanted Aaron for adoption and nothing was going to get in their way - thus repeating the ridiculous myth that SS steal white babies for adoption.

Susu wanted to foster the boy until Nicola sorted her life out; how long would that take - too long for a vulnerable baby.

And by posting about it on a forum, Susu, you make it people's business. Stop lashing out at SS (no I'm not a SW), they are flawed people working in a society where drug addicts, a drunks and violent people bring children into the world that they are incapable of raising and SW have to pick up the pieces.

It is you that sounds angry and I refuse to carry on trying to justify myself to someone who has their own set views and prejudices. Even if you were in possession of the full facts to this case you would still choose to close your ears and vent your hatred at others you do not know.

susu I'm very sorry you are in this situation. Has Aaron been placed for adopion yet, or is he still in foster care? If he's still with foster carers, I can only second MrsDV's advice to contact family rights group and talk though what your options are to fight this if you want to. She obviously knows far more about this than anyone here, and I do completely agree with her that kinship care is best if possible for the child, and that there is a prejudice against other family members whatever their personal circumstances.

Episode 2 is tonight, focussing on the search for adoptive parents. Do people wan to a new thread for episode 2 or just to carry on on this one?

I like the idea of a new thread-will make it easier to pick up the discussion that follows on from the episode.

Thank you Lilka for your kind words. This whole matter has been very upsetting for my family.We really weren't happy that Nikki chose to be part of this programme as it will always invite ignorant criticism from others which only adds to the pressure and stress she is already under. Nikki has gone to ground since the programme aired last week and we are very worried about her welfare.

Sadly SS have told us nothing in regard to Aaron's current situation but we are currently taking legal advice on what our options are.

I agree a new thread would seem the sensible choice in regard to tonight's episode. It follows a new set of children in their journey to securing a loving home and family.

justgotaniphone

"SW have to pick up the pieces."

I don't see my job as 'picking up the pieces' thank you very much. I would never think of service users or their families in such a disrespectful way. I know there are poor decisions made in social work and I know there are social workers who are really unfit for the job. It's not ok to shoot people down and not listen to their experiences. Please don't ever consider working with vulnerable people with an attitude like that.

Susu - there are always so many sides to a story, especially when SS are involved. I really hope that you have the strength to carry on fighting for Aaron if you believe you can offer him a safe and loving home. Poor Nicola - I hope she gets the help she needs. When I saw Nicola on the programme, I just thought how dreadful addiction is and how hard addiction is to break. Yes - she has made choices, but I do believe addiction is an illness. Whatever misgivings you have about Nicola doing the programme - it does help educate some people that need educating that birth mothers are not "monsters", "ill-feeling" etc - and that sometimes people make terrible mistakes and they can't stop making them. Nicola clearly loved her son - as Emily clearly loved Sophie. And I remember a comment by one of the contact centre staff at how they thought there was a lot of promise/good in her parenting.