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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

"Finding Mum and Dad" - Channel 4, 10PM on the 15th

85 replies

Lilka · 13/01/2014 15:31

This program needs its own thread

It explores adoption parties as a way of finding families for hard to place children, with a special focus on two little boys called Connor and Daniel, aged 7 and 5 now.

The Daily Mail have done an article about it today and also spoken to another family who found their son (who has a complex heart condition) at an adoption party - here

Heartbreakingly, the article says that the 3 adoption parties Connor and Daniel have attended haven't resulted in them finding a family. So the newspaper articles and the Channel 4 program are the last last ditch and if there's no family found through the TV program, then the boys plan will change to permanent fostering instead. Sad Sad

Also heartbreakingly I wonder how this is going to impact on them as they grow older if they aren't found a family

Would any of you consider letting your children watch this, aged about 8-10? DS is 8yrs 11mths, and he saw an advert for this and asked what it was about and now he wants to watch. He can't watch on the night with me and DD2 because it's on too late, but I'm not sure whether to record it for him to watch with me at the weekend or not?

OP posts:
flatmum · 15/01/2014 22:51

They're my age and I've got a 3 year old. I think she wants to too. So sad in the car when Connor was angling for that. Awful that they are having to try and sell them like they're fanged good when they seem like lovely, well-behaved little boys. Did they say why they had been out into foster care? Hope somebody looking for a family watches this and gets in touch.

JazzAnnNonMouse · 15/01/2014 22:51

I would love to have those boys!
I think the foster parents should adopt them.

Leo35 · 15/01/2014 22:51

Oh dear. They are a lovely pair of boys. Really hoping that they find a match now the programme has aired.

flatmum · 15/01/2014 22:52

Damaged goods

MintChocAddict · 15/01/2014 22:52

Those two wee boys and their lovely smiles. Sad I'm mum to two small boys and this is breaking my heart.

Sadoldbag · 15/01/2014 22:54

Flat mum Even if they could most LA really frown apon it

And any wiff of foster carer wanting to the children get removed

AngelsWithSilverWings · 15/01/2014 22:54

I'm so emotional watching this. It's bringing back so many memories of how we felt when we were going through the process.

Those two boys are gorgeous. I hope they can stay together.

moldingsunbeams · 15/01/2014 22:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumbumsmummy · 15/01/2014 22:56

This is so sad Hmm

Sadoldbag · 15/01/2014 22:57

Also this need for all siblings to have a separate room even if they have been sharing at the foster carers rules ots people in London out any way most people don't have more than one spare room

We were only allowed to adopt one child because they claim the room is to small for two children despite us being approved to foster two children wants to small then

flatmum · 15/01/2014 22:58

I'm sure you're right. I know nothing about it. Just breaks my heart. It shouldn't make a difference all Cherenkov deserve a nice family but they are such lovely, sweet boys. I have boys and I know a lot of boys and they are really lovely ones. I can't believe there isn't a family out there for them.

Why do they frown on foster carers adopting?

moldingsunbeams · 15/01/2014 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bunchoffives · 15/01/2014 23:01

Ah, those beautiful beautiful children. Wish I could have them.

My youngest is almost grown up now but seeing them makes me want to start again. Sob.

Sadoldbag · 15/01/2014 23:01

Flat mum

Well some sw feel that fc are taking a short cut which is madness because you have to be approved to be a fc then to be an adopter and you will have a fostering recored to be judged on

Some feel like they don't wAnt to loose a good fc

And some times they just don't like it sw can be a funny lot

Original poster
Lilka · 15/01/2014 23:02

Stats show that the percentage of boys vs girls adopted is near 50/50, I think last year it was 51% boys, 49% girls, and this doesn't really vary year on year. So the initial greater interest in the girls is not turning into more girls actually being adopted than boys

I hope these 3 boys find a family now Sad

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holycowwhatnow · 15/01/2014 23:04

I simply don't understand how there haven't been parents found for those boys. They're just beautiful. I hope there's someone sitting at home, approved and ready who has been struck with Cupid's bow after watching that.

I'm so glad they won't be split up. They've lost so much already, it would be dreadful to have another terrible loss.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 15/01/2014 23:04

I couldn't watch it - i have recorded it though for when i find my balls.

DS is an only child - can't have anymore for medical reasons and i'd adopt in a heartbeat. DP isn't sure though and it's not something i'd try to force. I'd love a massive family and would happily look into adopting sibling sets. I was tempted to put it on when DP was in the room but i know that it would be out of order.

I so hope that those gorgeous children find forever families.

PicaK · 15/01/2014 23:05

But I watched and the foster carers saoid blythey "oh they've no development problems" but yet I could see that they have. Cos my kid has them so I know the signs. And I just thought all thoae tales you read about not being given the full info, which i'd doubted, suddenly seemed very real. A heartbreaking programme cos I know this is something i'm not strong enough to do.

lilyaldrin · 15/01/2014 23:09

Very hard to watch, and I really hope appearing on this programme has increased their chances of finding a family.

Heartbreaking that they so desperately wanted to stay with their foster carers too.

It did strike me as odd that Daniel and Connor seem to be so hard to place, when they were bright and well behaved and didn't appear to have any obvious "issues" (and were very physically attractive).

Original poster
Lilka · 15/01/2014 23:09

It's not just age either...there could be any number of backgound issues that make these boys (and the other children) hard to place

I only know that for my girls, an adoption party would probably not have been a good idea at all. And that if they were on TV, they would capture everyone's hearts - DD2 is so beautiful (yes, yes I'm biased, but she really is) and DD1 also both pretty AND very good at acting and would know just what to say to a camera and how to look in order to be the centre of attention. But capturing hearts aside, the decision to adopt both of them, and especially DD2, involved a lot of very serious thought because of their needs.

Which is one of my concerns about the parties. The attending prospective parents need to be very careful to not let their hearts rule their heads, and 'persue' a child who has needs beyond what they can handle

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ColdFeetWarmHeart · 15/01/2014 23:09

Crying my eyes out watching this programme. i can't believe that no-one wants any of those gorgeous children.

The whole "adoption activity day" does not sit well with me. Watching the activity day with Connor and Daniel....it really did seem like the social worker was trying to sell them, like they were a used car or something Sad

Over the years I have often thought about being a foster carer when we have a more suitable property. Watching programmes like these though put me off (if that is the right phrase) - I think I'd get too attached to the children and want to keep all of them with me forever.

I think I might raise the subject of adoption with my DH soon. Our DD is only 15 months, so it isn't something we'd be looking at in the immediate future. it is definitely something that I think I could do, but obviously it would be a major decision for any family to make. Seeing all these "unwanted" children, I think I would want to adopt an older child, like Daniel and Connor. But from what I understand Social Services will only let you adopt children younger than any you already have.

jonicomelately · 15/01/2014 23:10

I have two boys. The eldest boy really looks like my ds2. I admit I have been crying since watching this Sad What fabulous little boys. I hate how boys are judged negatively for being physical and wanting to play. The fc was so worried the boys wouldn't come across well when they were crashing into those boxes. She was an absolute star.

Mellowandfruitful · 15/01/2014 23:11

Is it the case that if you have bio children you can only adopt children younger than them? I have read as much on here but am not sure if it's a blanket rule or not.

Really, really hope the tv programme will do it for Connor and Daniel and for Scott too.

Devora · 15/01/2014 23:11

I agree, Lilka, I dislike how often these programmes talk about adopters wanting 'cute white babies' in a really condemning way. Perhaps I'm a little defensive here, as I adopted a baby girl (though had no choice about that - we were only approved to adopt a girl aged 0-2), but there are three factors which people often don't think about.

First, as Sadoldbag says, many people don't have more than one spare room. Second, many adopters have suffered fertility problems and I am not going to condemn them for wanting to experience parenting a baby, or at least a toddler. Third, social services put great emphasis on preparing prospective adopters for 'the reality' of adoption. Meaning, confront them with truly grim worst case scenarios. They're not wrong to do this, but unleavened by seeing the other side of it, they do tend to leave prospective adopters in a state of terror and unwilling to take the 'risk' of an older child.

I think the only people qualified to criticise potential adopters for this are those who have themselves adopted a 'hard to place' child.

Original poster
Lilka · 15/01/2014 23:13

Many of childrens issues are invisible though lily
Or at least, you wouldn't notice them on a short video clip or meeting

Taking DD1 again, her attachment issues and PTSD were really hard to live with, but if you met her briefly as a 10 year old, you wouldn't know. I had people meet us and tell me how much they'd love to adopt a girl like DD1! A girl like what? The well behaved, chirpy, polite, sweet and charming girl you've just met, or the REAL DD, whom I live with!

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