Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Intro's day 1

98 replies

funnychic · 24/01/2013 19:51

Met my dd today, she is totally AMAZING!! she is very petite but gorgeous, she is clever, funny and just quite lovely. She weighed me up for a few minutes but then wanted to see what was in the gift bag, pepper pig phone and some bubbles plus the transitional soft toy that was in the photo book.

Can't wait for tomorrow when I shall become a baby bore and tell you all about day 2!!

OP posts:
Happyasapiginshite · 29/01/2013 09:24

Ah Italian that's just lovely. I'm going to keep that one.

Good luck today funny. I hope it goes well in your house.

jenny60 · 29/01/2013 19:38

I know it's hard, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Introductions are tough. We had the best foster carer you could hope for, but still found it difficult. It would be weird if you didn't have doubts about a little girl you don't know. Be kind to yourself and understand that this would be hard for anyone.

Original poster
funnychic · 29/01/2013 20:27

Intro's day 5

Well to start I am bloody knackered, I have just come home from my 50 mile, twice a day trip. I have to admit that it was a lot better today, she settled really well and played with me most of the day and I even managed to let her play alone for a little while. We managed the park but it rained so not for long. As the day went on and she got a little tired she stood at the door shouting for the male FC which always makes me feel so bad. Did bath which she loved and put her in PJ's for the journey home which she slept all the way.

All in all I have to say it was a better day, I hope the momentum continues but I am still not convinced that I am cut out to be a mother on my own.

OP posts:
VerityPushpram · 29/01/2013 20:56

Wow, you were a mum all day! No wonder you're knackered. And no wonder you're having doubts. But 'not cut out for'? It doesn't sound that way from what you've said.

It's going to be so wonderful, I'm so excited for you!

Happyasapiginshite · 29/01/2013 21:56

Brilliant funny. Well done. It's no wonder you're bloody knackered and I'll bet your dd is every bit as knackered too. I'm sure she was calling for FD because she figured it was time for sleep and she wanted to go home. Pretty soon, she'll be home Smile.

You'll need a holiday after these intros! It must be so tough to be doing it alone, not to have a partner to dissect everything with at the end of each day. Hats off to you, you're great and you'll be great when she's yours, all yours.

Devora · 29/01/2013 22:24

It is SO much easier looking after your own child, one you have got to know. Much, much harder with a child you've just met.

You'll do great Smile

VerityPushpram · 30/01/2013 07:36

That's true, not that I have any experience of being a mum, but babysitting my nieces (4 & 1) for the day is so much easier now than it used to be.

Italiangreyhound · 30/01/2013 09:58

Funny hang on in there, I am sure you are doing great.

Eat nutritional food to keep your strength up.

Get lots of sleep at night.

Structure your time together but allow for spontaneous fun! I am sure you know it all already. Use whatever is to hand and safe and fun, pots to bang with wooden spoons (muffle them with tea towels if you can't stand the noise), visit the garden and hunt for snails, story times and all that to help make the day differrent bits, too much of the same will be hard for you, I mean too much free play etc. We found junk modelling was fun and cheap.

If you set up a game or play let her help you do it, it doesn't make it any easier for her but it makes it more fun for her and helps you to do stuff together - e.g. we collected leaves together in the garden then painted them then printed them onto paper.

All the best.

Italiangreyhound · 30/01/2013 09:59

Sorry - that should read '... it doesn't make it any easier for YOU but it makes it more fun for her...'

And IGNORE me if you know it all already, I just wish you well.

Kewcumber · 30/01/2013 12:27

Introductions are a peculiar time. I was totally stressed, felt like I had no clue what I was doing (which was because quite frankly I didn't), felt like everyone was watching me do everything wrong and judging.

I had lots of doubts - not when I was with DS but when I went home afterwards I spent hours worrying about if I was doing the right thing for him as well as me. In the end I had to just stop thinking about it, take a pragmatic approach - ie I was going to be his parent however I felt about it and I may as well get on with learning how to do it. I just had to think that way because the constant agonising and overthinking everything was driving me insane.

No-one is cut out to be a motehr either on their own or with anyone else - its a skill you have to learn and yes some people have a natural bent for it and others don't. Everyone can learn to be a competent parent. I am not a "natural" mother but DS regularly tells me I am the best mother in the world. Of course I'm not but I have successfully brainwashed him into thinking it.

Chin up - it goes get more natural as time goes on.

Kewcumber · 30/01/2013 12:31

DS was slow to attach to me compared with other children and had no real attachemtn problems in teh long run (minor ones which you might expect but nothign much thats hard to deal with).

Knowing that they are attached to someone else and that they prefer them may be a good and normal sign but that doesn't make it feel any the less like a rejection and can (did in my case) affect your ability to bond with them or at least slow the process down. Again it hasn;t been a problme in the long run but did make the early stages trickier for me.

DizzyHoneyBee · 30/01/2013 20:29

How did yesterday and today go? Thinking of you.

sickofthissnow · 30/01/2013 20:43

Funnychic... I just wanted to thank you for this thread... as a Foster Carer who has (yet) to do intro's it has been incredibly enlightening to read your story...

I've heard so many times how difficult they are - for everyone - and I hope if/when the time comes for me, I will bear in mind your struggles and be mindful of these along with my own struggles !! It sounds very intense and emotional.

The very best of luck to you and your daughter and I look forward to hearing your updates in the future.. x

Lilka · 30/01/2013 21:18

I hope your review today went well Funny :)

I agree with kew - you have to learn to do all this, don't worry because being a mum isn't an innate thing. You'll work out how best to do things as you go along.

You sound like you're doing great so far :)

Original poster
funnychic · 31/01/2013 08:24

I just couldn't do it. I have terminated my responsibility.
I am sorry.

Good luck everyone

OP posts:
catkind · 31/01/2013 09:29

Hugs funnychic. And Wine if helpful.

Lilka · 31/01/2013 09:49

Oh funny I'm sorry. There's no need to apologise to us

Many many hugs to you xxxx

You have our support

Magslee · 31/01/2013 10:25

I'm really sorry you've had such a hard time and hope you're ok. Thinking of you x

Devora · 31/01/2013 10:31

Oh funnychic, I am so very very sorry.

Please stay and talk about it if it helps.

junowiththegladrags · 31/01/2013 10:36

Funny, so, so sorry. Please be good to your self.

Moomoomie · 31/01/2013 12:26

Funnychic.... I am so sorry, what a very difficult decision to have to make.
We are all here for you, please come back and talk to us or PM if that is easier.
Thinking of you. X

MyDogEatsPoop · 31/01/2013 12:38

Oh funnychic, I am sorry. For what it's worth, I think you're very brave - it must be incredibly hard after everything you've been through to get to that point and admit it's not right - but much better than struggling on realising you're making the wrong choice. Also thinking of you.

VerityPushpram · 31/01/2013 13:04

My best wishes too, funnychic. That must have been such a hard decision to make. Take some time to heal.

Kewcumber · 31/01/2013 14:06

I'm sorry funnychic - I hope you are looking after yourself.

HappySunflower · 31/01/2013 14:29

Just to let you all know that I'm in touch with funnychic off board and have spoken to her today.
We are going to speak again later, I will make sure that she knows that there is support here for her if and when she feels she needs us.