single parent wanting to adopt from abroad.

[slipslider]

I am a single person who wishes to adopt from South Africa. I have tried to find information online about adoption from this part of the world and have no idea about what the adoption process for this country entails let alone from another part of the world. Calls to local adoption agencies at present seem to be a little bit woolly about the process or any information I wish to find out. Any advice regarding this would be welcomed.

Why specifically from South Africa? It seems a little odd to want to adopt from a country if you don't actually have any relevant information.

I visit the country regularly and have seen the level of poverty some children live in. As a person with a stable income, suitable housing and support I can provide a child from this area with a loving upbringing and nourish them in a way they would never have access to in their home country, even the orphanages lack the means to meet their basic needs sometimes. With the regular travel the child would also have access to their own cultural background and learn things such as languages from family etc. Why is it odd to want to help another human being live a happy and fulfilling life? All ideas have to begin somewhere and so this is why I am seeking advice. I feel the nature of your comment makes out I have not thought this through when it has been a want of mine for the past ten years but only now I am comfortable to support a child on my own.

I'm not saying it's odd to want to help another human being; was just wondering why you'd picked a country without having information about what you'd have to do. No point taking offence - you gave hardly any info in your OP. I'd have thought a good place to start was to learn what adoption would involve in the country where you live, how long it might take, how to prepare and how to be approved.
Have you contacted the South African High Commission in London?

I only took offence due to the nature of the comment you left. You say I did not leave any information in my OP - tho I am not sure what an OP is? am new to this mums net thing! But it was the judgement that upset me, I feel ppl judge before they ask questions which would provide the information which would then make sense to them! I have done some reading around the adoption process in the UK, the checks etc but often when I have questioned further I am offered the advice that children in this country need support too, some seem reluctant to give me advice regarding SA and say they are unsure about this country given its past? Unless some restrictions applied previously due to the political situation there? I will contact the high commission - they might be able to give me some advice and I thank you for this starting point!

according to this site, is it not possible:

international adoptions

and according to this site it is possible:

adopting from South Africa

I get prickly when people show few manners and suggest I am odd before even asking questions....derogatory comments kind of don't wash with me when there is no need! She asked why specifically and then followed with her own opinion before waiting to find out why! It was offensive and it was not necessary.
This is not about a 'rescue' as it would be a killer to know that I could not 'rescue' all the children who live like this. No one can play God and save all the children who live in this manner. I know I will be questioned re why I wish to adopt but that remains my own reasons as to why I am not going down the pregnancy route. As you suggest that it is odd to want to adopt before finding it legal or not, I find no such derogatory comments on threads further down the page which a person suggests about a single friend adopting from China. That such individual is not labelled as odd but is given advice about the legalities....like I say, everyone on any journey has to have a starting point and before they access the journey they are unaware of many things. I did believe this forum was somewhere to ask questions and be respected by people who have been down the same route or in the know....

I don't know much about adoption, but I have read some threads on here and have been struck by the profound and humbling level of commitment that parents need, how involved the process is and how much there is to learn.

I think the first step might be to read back on some threads on adoption, especially adoption from abroad, as this might shed some light on what to expect, even if it is not specific to South Africa.

Best wishes.

Thank you zzzen

I am in my rights to suggest when something offends me and to give my reasoning behind this. I am not being rude and I am sorry if it appears so but I am saying what people have judged me as and made comments to that effect was not what I expected. As an adult I was taught to discuss if things upset me, and it;s not 'biting someones head off' but merely pointing out that I deemed it offensive. If someone said I upset them or called them names then I would be adult and apologise.
Yes people can make comments but I didn't expect to be called odd before someone even found out more about me or my situation. Yes people might suggest things and have opinions that are not akin to my own and I welcome those but I do believe there is no need for such personal comments.

People can question me all they want - I will tell them what ever they want if they ask. Someone asked and I answered. I believe that i have not called anyone names but that they were offensive, judgemental and derogatory - that is their actions and yours right now in saying the reasons I am 'being snippy'. They are the proper terms for things they are not name calling. I have not said anyone is thick or stupid which is the way I was being portrayed through the comments above as I was unaware of the international adoption process and being made out that I should know a lot before I consider it...I believe people consider and then do the research which is what I hoped to get.
People can have access to what ever information they want regarding me so long as they ask, not portray that I am stupid for even asking before I know more!
Thank you for your wishes, I am prepared and I know what they will dig about and I know there is likelihood as with anyone they will reject my application.

Why take a child out of their own culture?

How about looking at ways to support orphanages there?

I already support the orphanages, me and my aunt run a local rotarian club which fund raises for a local centre with children with HIV. I regularly take and buy things when I go out there and spend time with the children when I can do. If I could have my wish suburbophobe I would be living there right now but as my parents have recently retired I feel I need to be close to them at this stage in their lives should they need me and could not live too far from them as they age. I don't see an issue in taking a child from it's culture so long as they have access to their background and they are brought up with aspects of their culture as standard and I think integration into another culture can be a rich learning environment for themselves and others. I think this has to be done with sensitivity and respect.

Slipslider you seem very highly strung. Maybe you should think again about adoption.

I just don't like being called names...nothing any normal person dislikes - so is there any reason u think i should rethink? I welcome your input.

Slip
I suggest you namechange and start afresh on this board
It is obe if the frienliest and most helpful on MN

you seem to have got off to a poor start

Just a thought

I do seem to have and some seem friendly and maybe some don't realise that their comments can offend or maybe that is how they talk to their friends and it's deemed acceptable.
I don't mind people having opinions that differ or ask questions but its just when ppl imply things and suggest this is the person I am or I am stupid not to have done my homework and now everything I say seems to come across as 'shirty' when I am only trying to explain. I don't know why it has upset me so much but I think maybe because these are the first steps I have taken to make this happen and i've not even introduced myself and people are suggesting it would be unstable for me to adopt because I challenged name calling?
I am not about to change my name and hide as though i have done something wrong, I apologised for coming across as rude but it seems lost in the humdrum and not even noticed or accepted by whom i was 'getting at'.
Where I live a sorry would be responded by a 'i accept your apology and I am sorry also for causing offence' but not sure why this is not the case, this was how I was brought up to act. I am keen to find out why lisaro suggests I should rethink my adoption or if she/he maybe thinks an adoption would be better from this country? But I don't want to say - why did u say this without coming across as having a bee in my bonnet - i hope that comment didn't reflect that.
Thank you for the advice grey, I am sure many people are helpful and will support me in my journey and those who don't...well it is not their journey but mine and mine alone!

You sound far too highly strung to be a suitable carer for a child, let alone one who could well have a lot of challenges. You jump down people's throats when they ask reasonable questions. Maybe you need to mature a bit first.

lisaro that may have come across but as a 'mother of 30 children' in my class for the past 4 years I am sure I am a suitable carer for children and have proved in my career to date, even prior to my teaching. I have cared for children for the past 12 years of my life, both as a social and educational context. I have children who are regularly in my custody for weeks at a time and in that time I enjoy what time I spend with them. So initial judgements can be deceiving unless people find out more about a character!
People asked a question I responded to the question, then they commented further by suggesting my actions were odd...that was what bothered me not the question. Did I not already suggest that?

Unfortunately it is sad I am deemed an unfit mother because of one thread whereas I have not suggested those who are shirty to me are unfit and are not mature enough to have children. A situation that upsets and is handled in the correct manner does not entail a poor parent.

What someone calls getting at another, is what I deem as challenging what people say to me - maybe it is unusual for people to be challenged about what they say to others in this day in age and others maybe think something bad or call names under their breath and walk away, i have been taught to be assertive in the face of things and in saying i found it derogatory is an assertive way of putting it across to someone in a way to hopefully discuss it rationally, but it seemed in this case it was a fail!

I put up with abuse on a daily basis and never respond - I have children in my school who will hit you and call you a fat bitch and a fucking retard and have been told recently - I am going to bring a knife into school and slit your throat and I believe this child is capable of doing so, for asking them to come and sit down or they will throw a chair at your head and have to be restrained by staff and I just don't respond to it, so in response, I am mature and I know that I can respond well to situations and if I was highly strung then I could not show self control when faced with comments and actions from such children.
I wonder what qualities a 'good' parent should have?

and i hope this wasn't deemed shirty, i tried to draw on my positives and inform people about my life so it responds to your comment!